Monthly Archives: May 2013

Re-Writing Your Relationship Story

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Do you find that your relationships consistently have a similar pattern or story?  Is there a certain type of partner you find yourself with repeatedly?  Is he always late or standing you up?  Do you think that this is the way it’s always going to be because nobody’s perfect or because that’s just how men are?

If this sounds familiar you are so not alone.  Most of us go through our lives making choices based on our default patterns and stories without even realizing it.  But what if I told you that it can be totally different than the way it’s always been by just re-writing what your story is?  What if your love story can be exactly the way YOU want and decide it to be?

If you’ve bought into a negative story you are so not alone.  Whether it was from your upbringing or fed to you via the media (oh, don’t get me started about the negative media), a story you choose to take on can seem very real.  Some common negative stories that get thrown around and bought into are:

Men and women can’t live with each other, can’t live without each other.

Men just have to spread themselves around.

Relationships are tough and hard work.

It’s normal to have fights in a relationship.

Nobody’s perfect so I guess I’ll just have to take what I got.

It’s so hard to find a mate I’m just lucky to be with the person I have now.

And on and on.

In my reality (and in other couples I know) none of the above stories are true.  All of those above statements are completely false in my love story.  Because I deliberately created my own story.

Everything is just a story.  What you choose to believe in and accept is just a story that becomes your reality.  Have you ever had a fantasy or imagined something and really felt like you were living that experience even though it was just a story?  Yes, me too. Because the truth is that your subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is imagined.  And as you imagine, so goes your life.

So I say – get thee to writing a new story!  A story that is exactly what you desire in your love life.  A story that makes you feel good and beautiful and loved like the amazing being that you are.

Here’s an exercise for you:  Write your love story down as “a day in the life with my soul mate” from the moment you wake up together until the moment you fall asleep.  Forget about the grammar, spelling, literary merit, or whatever; just write what comes to you.  What things are you saying to each other?  How do you speak to each other?  What things is your soul mate doing?  What activities are you doing?  What is your life like with him?  How do you feel? 

There are just two rules for this new story to be effective:

1)    It must be believable for you.  Save the epic drama for your bestseller, instead write it as the life you can really see yourself living.

2)    It must feel good to you.  If it doesn’t feel good, it’s not your true story.  It’s perfectly okay to write several stories before you get to one that feels just right.  Sometimes it takes time getting used to the idea of a new story.

When you’ve got your story down just that way that you want it, it feels true to you and it feels good – then read it twice a day.  First thing in the morning and right before you go to bed, as those are the two times of the day your brain is most receptive.

Notice how you feel when you read it over time and how it becomes more and more believable to you.  Notice how you begin to see evidence of your story around you, maybe in other couples in your life.  Notice how you realize you will no longer accept anything less than this story again.  Notice how you start to trust that the Universe is arranging for this very story to come to you into physical form very soon.  What else do you notice?

Did you write your new story?  How did you feel reading it?  As always I’d love to read your comments below.

If you need guidance re-writing your story I’m happy to offer you a free 30-minute clarity session.  Just contact me at dinarobisoncoaching at gmail dot com.

Love & Light,

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Can You Deliberately Attract Your Soul Mate Dating Online?

145943_9029The room lighting is dim but there are different color lights.  Flashing.  There are faces, many faces around, but you can’t help but be drawn to just him.  His eyes.  Oh, those eyes!  Locked with yours.  And in that moment you just knew he was the one.  And you were his one.  In that moment.  That moment that you first locked eyes with him…on a computer screen amongst 15 other profiles that showed up in your search.  The lights flashing are ads popping up on the screen.  And he’s not even locking eyes with you but the camera lense that he held up himself to take his profile picture.

Is this the romantic way that you imagine meeting your soul mate?  For me, ech, no way.  As a woman, I can say this seems to be the least ideal way to meet the love of your life.  I used to tell myself, “There’s no way I’m meeting the love of my life online.  It just isn’t going to happen that way.”  And then, just a few months later I met the love of my life online and it happened just that way.  Turns out many other great couples met their partners online, too, and not just the people in the commercials.

The more I apply the law of attraction and universal laws in my life, coach women and delve into creating the Deliberate Attraction program I realize more and more that dating online is an ideal way to use deliberate attraction in action.  Here are a few reasons why I think it works so well:

You can learn a lot about him quickly from his profile – Being very clear on what you want in a relationship and in a partner is so important to attracting the right partner and what’s great about dating online is being able to screen a potential date’s pertinent information before investing time and energy into the connection.  Where does he live?  Is he looking for marriage?  Does he have kids or want kids?  What religion, if any, is he?  If you meet in a bar you may spend a lot of time flirting, having fun, enjoy the chemistry and getting emotionally invested and never get around to asking these things until way too late.  By dating online you can see if this person wants the same basic things and has the same basic values before investing your time, emotions and energy.

He can learn a lot about you quickly from your profile – Also, without spending time and energy into a relationship first, he can know if you’re right for him.  Yes, I used the best glamorous, pretty snapshot I could find and said fun things and such, but also I was completely honest about wanting a serious relationship and children someday.  I was even honest about being vegan and very spiritual.  Yep, I don’t eat burgers and I’m kinda woo woo.  Do you think that turned some men off?  Uh, definitely.  Are those men I would want to go out with?  No.  Your soul mate will be drawn to your desires, your values and who you truly are. 

It’s where the men are – The chances of me meeting a potential soul mate just randomly somewhere was very, very slim given that I didn’t go out to bars, that my job as a yoga instructor (yoga also being female dominated) took me from place to place for short amounts of time, and that, at that time, I didn’t belong to a church or any clubs.  Yes, I could have joined a club or went to a church but even then, the chances I would meet a single guy ready to settle down was still small.  So I asked, where do the most single men that are ready for a relationship hang out?  And the answer was online.  For some reason they don’t seem to mind it as much as women do and even like it, go figure.  I chose the site that statistically had the most men on it and that I heard from various real people had marriage success for them.  Thank God I did, as I met my husband about seven weeks later right before he was about to quit the site.  When you put your profile online you are telling the Universe that you are totally ready to meet your soul mate, and you are supported in achieving your desire.

Personally I believe dating online is a wonderful tool if you are deliberately attracting your soul mate.  And though it may not be the most romantic at first or the answer for everyone, I know that I’m very grateful to have listened to guidance telling me to sign up when I did.  I hope these three reasons help you re-frame your relationship with dating online.

Would you like some guidance while starting your online dating journey?  I’d love to offer you a free 30-minute clarity session to help you do it successfully, please contact me at dinarobisoncoaching at gmail dot com.

Love,

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3 Old School Love Attracting Methods That No Longer Work and What Does

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Do you remember what you were like when you were 18?  Do you remember how you viewed the world, your dreams, your ambitions, and love?  How about when you were 25?  Yeah, me neither.  It seems so long ago but all I know is that I was a completely different woman at each of those ages, and I’m completely different now.

By the time I got into my early thirties I realized that the methods I was using to attract “love” (if you can call flirting a method) at 18 and 25 were seriously not serving me well at the age of 32.  The old attraction paradigm that I was ingrained with in high school, from watching movies and television, and by pouring over teen magazines with my girlfriends only got me into relationships that, well, might suit an 18 or 25 year old just fine but wasn’t what I wanted anymore.  When I finally admitted to myself and to a select few close people that I wanted to get married and start a family, I knew that it was time to show that old attraction paradigm the door and bring in something new.

Here are three commonly believed attraction methods that I learned from the hard way in my twenties, and three new ways of deliberately attracting a soul mate that I implemented in my thirties – to my success:

Out: Being the cool girl by being okay with the relationship whatever and wherever that is.

First of all, for anyone that actually knows me…the words cool and Dina are a complete oxymoron.  That’s a clue that I really wasn’t being my self by suppressing my truth, needs and desires.  It’s shocking to me that this is still advised for women.

In: Decide exactly where you want a relationship to go before even going on the first date.

Before dating I got crystal clear on what I wanted in a relationship at the present time, which was a committed boyfriend/girlfriend situation leading to marriage and starting a family.  Very simple.  Know what you want clearly so you can attract a partner that wants the same thing as you.

Out: Trying to appeal to as many prospects as possible by being very general about who you are and what you want.

Similar to being cool, it’s easy to get response from more people this way but most of them won’t be a good fit in the long run because he or she never gets to see who you are in the beginning.  As time goes on and both of your preferences are revealed you might find out that you’re not a good match, resulting in heartbreak.

In: Be very specific, in a positive way because you’re wonderful, about who you are.

Whether it’s a religion, a political view, personal value, or dietary choice, it’s best to be clear on these things in the beginning.  When I set up my last online profile (which led me to my soul mate in 7 weeks) I said things I never said before upfront – that I’m very spiritual but not religious and that I’m vegan.  If a guy couldn’t live with either of those things then we would not be a good fit and I didn’t want to start dating him in the first place.  Yes, there were less men interested in me but my soul mate saw my profile and was like, “Heck yeah!”  (Actually he found me with the search term “spirituality.”) Be honest about your values and who you are.

Out: Deciding to go out with someone based on “chemistry.”

Oh boy, this is a big one.  It’s what love in epic movies and songs and literature is founded on.  We take it in high school and there’s a dating site named after it, shouldn’t there be chemistry before deciding to go out with someone?  In my opinion, not really.  There may be exceptions but usually it ends up not being what we think. When we feel chemistry very often it’s based on our baggage, limiting beliefs and unconscious junk, like the good girl who loves the bad boy.  Chemistry clouds the rational mind – where the excuses justifying a relationship come in – and it doesn’t usually last.

In: Deciding to go out with someone based on values, behavior towards you and others, and his or her actions.

This is deliberate attraction.  You decide what you want in advance, got clear on who you are and your values so when you meet him or her you are actually attracted because he or she is the type of partner you most desire.  And you know what else is fun about that?  The attraction and chemistry grows over time as you build your life together based on mutual respect.  Similar values, behavior and actions are extremely attractive.

In short, 1) knowing what you want, 2) being clear on who you are, 3) choosing a date based on values, behaviors and actions.

I hope you find these three attraction paradigm shifts inspiring and helpful in your search for soul mate love.  What is no longer serving you in your search for love?  If you care to share, as always I’d love read your comments.

Lots of joy and happiness to you on your journey!

Love,

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Are You Giving Too Much In Relationships?

Do you find yourself doing everything, or mostly everything, in your romantic relationships?  Does dating or being in a relationship leave you feeling drained?  If you answered yes, I can totally relate!  That was my experience, too, years ago.  What began as exciting and fun would eventually leave me feeling drained and ill.  By the age of 33 I knew I had to make a change about the way I was being in romantic relationships or I would never be happy and healthy in them.

Over the next few years I discovered a very interesting imbalance in myself that was causing this repeated pattern in my life – I love giving but I really struggled with being able to receive.  From a young age I prided myself on being strong and independent and able to take care of myself.

Just to be clear, these are great qualities to have – if they are in balance with some softer and more feminine qualities.  When it came to someone buying me dinner, surprising me with flowers, saying “I love you” to me, or even talk about providing a home for me – I would feel guilty, like I was taking something away, or fearful that I would owe him something.  I just couldn’t accept what was being offered with appreciation and gratitude. The result?  I scared off the loving and giving guys that really wanted to support me, and attracted the opposite.

A relationship, of any kind, is a two way street.  If someone is giving, someone has to receive it, too.  Personally, I love to give.  It feels great to have my gift accepted.  When it isn’t accepted graciously (or at least with a gracious “no, thank you”) it feels yucky.  What I’ve finally come to realize over these last few years is that other people love to give, too.  It makes people happy to know that what they are doing is appreciated – especially, in romantic relationships.  This realization has allowed me to graciously accept the love and generosity given to me in all kinds of relationships, and has allowed me to finally attract a man that loves to support and give to me as I love to support and give to him.

1195576_92868095Open hands both receive and give

The energy exchange of giving and receiving is like breathing.  It’s cyclical just like the inhalation and the exhalation.  If you only exhale then you don’t have any breath to keep exhaling with.  If you only inhale then you don’t have space to take in any more oxygen.  Without continuously doing both, you die.  It’s the same with the energy of a relationship – without the back and forth flowing energy of giving and receiving the relationship will wither.

Here’s a simple breathing and mantra meditation that helped me with the ability to receive:

Sit comfortably with an elongated spine and begin by just focusing on your breathing.  Take in a full inhalation allowing the rib cage and abdomen to expand and a full exhalation allowing all the air out of the lungs.  Continue in this way and notice your breathing slow down and becoming fuller and deeper.

On the inhalation silently say the mantra – I open myself fully to receive love.

On the exhalation silently say the mantra – I open myself fully to give love.

Continue for as long as you like.  Gradually you can shorten the mantras to be just “receive and give,” or release the mantras altogether and just be in the feeling space of receiving and giving. 

Learning to receive as much I give allowed me to have great relationships with my family and friends, become totally debt free, and to attract a partnership that leaves me feeling energized and inspired.  My deepest desire is that you attract a partnership that does the same for you.

I hope you find this meditation helpful to you!  I’m here to help and guide you on your journey, if you are interested in a free 30 minute clarity session with me please contact me at dinarobisoncoaching at gmail dot com.

I’d like to hear from you, in what ways and areas of your life would you like to be to able to receive more?  Please leave your comments!

With Love,

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What Do You Mean By “Soul Mate?”

When I started my coaching business and this blog I did realize that the term soul mate might be troubling for some people as it can have so many different connotations – some good and some bad.  The entertainment industry paints a Romeo and Juliet-esque view of soul mates as being something like eyes locking across a room, there’s a spark and wham, that’s it!  There’s the person you’re stuck with until the movie ends or you both die by poisoning.   (That’s not being deliberate about attracting your soul mate, by the way.)

Others don’t believe that there’s one soul mate for each person, but rather that we have many soul mates in different types of relationships that come into our lives to help our souls grow in some way.  So the challenge there is how to know who the ONE is when there are so many potential soul mates.

Or the opposite end of the spectrum is that there aren’t soul mates at all.  Or just believing it’s impossible that there’s one perfect partner out there for us and that we could manage to meet him or her in this lifetime on a planet with over 7 billion souls.

I’m not saying any of those perspectives are invalid nor am I here to tell you what is true, because you decide what’s true – what you believe to be true will be what’s true for you.  But as a woman who is a deliberate creator and became intentional about attracting my soul mate into my life – I can tell you that not only is attracting your soul mate possible but it is your birth right to have the love you truly desire and that reflects the loving soul you are.

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In my program the soul mate I refer to is specifically a romantic partnership that supports your highest self and your deepest desires for spiritual growth and expansion in this lifetime.  It’s a partnership based on deep commitment, equality, interdependence, honesty, truthfulness, spiritual oneness, and unconditional love.  Soul mates are by no means perfect people, but are growing together.  Your soul mate is the person your heart, when unblocked by limiting beliefs and negative patterns, truly desires to be with.  A soul mate relationship adds to your life force (chi or prana), giving you more energy to be, do and have what you came here for. 

You see, it actually becomes very easy to attract your soul mate when you are expressing your true self in love and living from that highest place your heart – and I’m proof!  (In a future post I’ll tell you the story about how I met my husband, no doubt we were divinely guided.)

My program and coaching is all about guiding you into alignment with your highest and best self and knowing love from that place.  When you reside in that higher vibration of love your partner, the right partner for you, will be drawn to you.  Just like Rumi said, “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

For a free 30-minute clarity session to start your deliberate attraction process, email me at dinarobisoncoaching at gmail dot com.  Clarity alone can do wonders!

What do you think about the whole soul mate thing? 

Wishing you lots of joy in your journey while deliberate creating the life of your dreams!

Love,

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Five Minutes a Day to Break Unhelpful Patterns in Love and Life

Have you ever just woken up one day to realize that your love relationships had a similar thread or pattern amongst them?  Maybe each person seemed different in the beginning, but as time went on and you got to know each other it’s almost like they were the same person wearing a different body?

One day, a while ago, that was me.  I was actually pretty embarrassed to realize that I, the strong and independent woman that I was, seemingly had no control over the person I was choosing (or not choosing) to be with.  It was at that time that I fully decided and committed to making the changes in myself that I needed to make in order to deliberately attract the man of my dreams and have the love I truly desired.

Up until that point for most of my life I had been acting and reacting with my default beliefs and desires, not with my inner wisdom.  So in order to get in touch with this wisdom I took up a daily meditation practice…well, again.  I had been an on and off meditator for years but for the first time was making it a daily priority as important as eating breakfast.  Every morning I would wake up and meditate anywhere from five to thirty minutes.  The amount of time wasn’t as important as the consistency of doing it every day.  Hey, it worked for Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat, Pray, Love, and I’m a yoga instructor for goodness sake – the least I should be doing is meditation! 694865_96636417

You probably can guess what happened…  I became generally calmer, didn’t get bothered by little things, and felt more confident and peaceful and in control of my life just to name a few benefits.  But most importantly I began to take actions based on my highest wisdom and self.  It seemed like life, or God, or the Universe was cooperating for my highest good.  I saw the blessing in my prior heartbreaks, didn’t get tempted to jump into anything too quickly with someone who might not be perfect for me, and I just had the faith that my soul mate was on his way to me.

Be deliberate about your life.  Go for it.  Five minutes.

Daily meditation, for any amount of time, is the first step to being a deliberate creator in your love life (and whole life).  It breaks the patterns, it gets you out of your head, it makes you aware of any limiting thoughts that are blocking love, it gives you back the power and intuition to decide what is for your highest and greatest good, and puts you in touch with what your soul truly desires for your life.

If you need any more reasons you can read all about 100 benefits of meditation here. 

To start:

1)    Find a quiet place where you can sit up comfortably.

2)    Close your eyes and take some slow, deep breaths.

3)    Breathe naturally and allow your focus to go entirely onto your breathing.

4)    If your mind wanders, no big deal, just bring it back to your breathing.

5)    Continue this until you feel pretty comfortable in the silence, then you can let go of the focus on the breath and just be in that good feeling place for as long as you want.

6)    That’s all – when you feel complete with it consciously open your eyes and ride that feeling in to the rest of your day.

You can use different meditations for all kinds of purposes, adding visualizations and affirmations, depending on your intention and desire (like breathing in “I receive love” and breathing out “I give love” to expand your ability to give and receive love) – but as a deliberate creator you will benefit greatly even from just sitting in silence for some time everyday.

My program has several guided meditations to help you on your journey to attracting soul love.  If you’d like to know more about my Deliberate Attraction sessions and program, please visit this page. 

I hope you find your daily meditation very helpful, please let me know how it’s benefiting you!

Love and Peace,

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Happy Mother’s Day

Thank you to mothers and anyone embodying that divine, feminine energy of nurturing, unconditional love all over the planet.  You are all truly bringing light into this world with every loving thought, word and deed.  I’m so grateful to be alive in this time to experience it.

Happy Mother’s Day and many blessings to you all!

Love and Hugs,

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