For years when friends and family would ask about my love life I would cringe. It always went something along the lines of, “You’re very attractive, why don’t you have a boyfriend?” or even, “You aren’t married YET?” Yeah. That was fun to hear. The truth was that in my heart I really did want those things but something about the suggestion of a serious commitment just seemed repellant to me – and I continued to be repellant to serious commitment.
It wasn’t until I went inward and took my own journey to soul love that I realized I had a number of limiting beliefs about love that, in my mind, seemed to really, really be true but that were completely blocking me from being open to love. How could I find the love I truly wanted while also maintaining negative beliefs about it?
In time I discovered that the answer was not in trying to get rid of the beliefs but in changing them, or rather, RE-FRAMING them. I was perfectly okay the way that I was. Those beliefs that I took on as a young one were for my best good at the time, but it was time to transmute those beliefs into something that worked for the strong and loving adult I had become. Actually once I got the hang of re-framing beliefs it was fun and very powerful in different areas of my life.
Here’s an example of how to re-frame a negative belief using a process similar to the Abraham-Hicks’ Law of Attraction method of Which Thought Feels Better:
Negative belief to change: Married people are unhappy.
Belief I would like to believe instead: That I can be very happily married.
Starting from the original belief, reach for a phrase or thought that you totally believe right now in your body and soul that is closer to your end goal that the first belief, even if it’s just a tiny bit better. The process can look something like this:
Married people are unhappy –> I know I have the power to change my thoughts –> I’ve had negative beliefs about certain things in the past that I now feel better about –> Some people do claim to be happy in their marriage –> I remember Mr. & Mrs. Johnson down the street when I was a kid, they seemed pretty happy –> Actually, I know a guy that talks about how much he loves his wife all the time –> There’s probably some more guys like him out there that are looking for a woman to love like that –> I’m glad that I’m still single so I can look forward to meeting such a guy!
See how it works? This progression can be as quick as a few minutes or if the belief is really ingrained then it may take weeks or months of continually reaching for better beliefs. Two things to keep in mind in order for this process to be effective, 1) the thoughts you reach for must truly be believable for you and, 2) the thoughts should be feeling better and better to you – your feelings are your guide and you want good ones!
I hope this process is helpful for you, please feel free to share your experience with me about using it. What, if any, limiting beliefs are you willing to change to have the love you want? As always, I’d love to read your comments below!
Tons of Love,