Monthly Archives: July 2013

How to Make Your Big WHY Attract Your Ideal Relationship and Serve Your Higher Purpose

Let’s be real.  You don’t need a man.  You don’t need to be married or in a relationship.  If there’s anything I hope you’ve gotten from my blog is that you are a whole, complete, and fulfilled woman just as you are.  The reality is that you don’t need anything other than being who you are and just showing up to your life every day.  In light of that you might be wondering why I joined the ranks of the married and am coaching women that want to do the same…

Because deliberate attraction is so much more than just attracting a partner.  Deliberate attraction acknowledges that as women in this time of evolving world consciousness our life’s mission, whether in a relationship or not, means having so much more impact on the world than it did thirty, fifty, or a hundred or more years ago.

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Last week I swore that I would not be another woman to quote this Dalai Lama statement but what the heck…

“The world will be saved by the western woman.”

This statement has set forth into motion thousands upon thousands of women (all over the world) coming forward in their relationships, businesses, and lives in a way that is bringing higher consciousness into everything we do individually and collectively.  What does that have to do with finding your soul mate?

One of the biggest impacts we women can have on the world begins with us, being our divine selves, in our homes, creating and nurturing partnerships and families based on spiritual and uplifting love; this divine love spreads from our families to our neighbors, our schools, our businesses, our governments and across the entire planet.  When this kind of love becomes the norm, or hits the tipping point, then all will truly be living peacefully and abundantly on this planet as we are meant to.

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As a woman, no, you do not need a man.  A man does not need a woman either.  In this day and age we are quite independent of each other and can survive wonderfully with out a partner.  I’ve been aware of this for years and actually used to get really embarrassed when people tried to set me up with someone or suggest I date or get married – at least for the reasons I figured they thought I should based on social expectation and need.  I always had a “big picture” outlook and thought there were bigger and more important things to do in the world; dating and relationships honestly didn’t seem that crucial to me.

It wasn’t until I was about 35 that I came into alignment with my big WHY – why I wanted to be in partnership with my soul mate and why it means so much to me for my soul’s purpose here.  Because that WHY was so meaningful to me, it inspired me to attract my partner and set the stage for the amazing, inspiring marriage I’m in now.

As intended when I first put forth why I wanted to marry my soul mate my marriage has helped me to grow in my capacity to love in ways where I was previously limited.  My partnership has also given me the support and space to further my purpose, or one of my purposes, here in this lifetime – helping the world to love more while loving myself more.  Also my spiritual practice has deepened and I’m enjoying life more fully than I had before by allowing my love to expand beyond myself.

Now that may not have anything to do with why you’re looking for a soul mate relationship.  But my point is that our desire for a relationship at this point in evolution has to be so much more than just having companionship, having children, and having reliable physical affection.  There is a new paradigm being called forth in love and your vision of an ideal relationship is leading the way to making the Dalai Lama’s statement about women saving the world a reality.

So then, what is your big WHY? 

Why are you being called forth now to have the partnership you’ve always wanted? 

What is the big picture reason for attracting and being with your soul mate? 

In what ways will you expand with the support of your soul mate?

What will your life be like in your ideal partnership?

How is your ideal partnership in alignment with your purpose here on the planet?

Your answers to these questions are the new, emerging paradigm for love and relationships.  And your vision of your partnership with your soul mate is changing the world for good.

Enjoy the journey but always be true to yourself and your big WHY.

Love and Peace,

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More on Why the Law of Attraction Doesn’t Seem to Work – To Love or To Avoid Pain

Have you experienced really wanting something, using what you think is the law of attraction (thinking about what you want) and then getting what seems to be the opposite?

When we diligently think we apply the law of attraction to our love lives and don’t get the relationship we want an easy response might be to blame the logic behind it saying things like, “That’s just woo woo, it’s not science” or, “Some people are just lucky” or, “It’s just not meant to be for me.”

Let me tell you, the quantum physicists know the science behind it – along with studies to back it up, it isn’t luck unless you believe you make your own, and your highest desires are absolutely meant for you to have.  The law of attraction is always working in the same way that the law of gravity is always working.  So why wouldn’t you still have the relationship of your dreams if you’re constantly thinking about the love that you want?

One reason, as stated in my earlier post on this topic, is that even though you might be thinking about wanting one thing it might not actually feel good to you due to limiting beliefs.  Your feelings, or vibration, are actually what’s doing the attracting (your thoughts can only contribute to the feelings).  You must get your good feelings aligned with the relationship you desire.

love-107227 Another reason, and the whole point of this article, is that your reasons – your big WHY – you want to be with the love of your life might be causing you to feel bad unknowingly.  If you enter a relationship to avoid some kind of pain (like being alone), you are only affirming the pain (the loneliness that you feel).   It’s all about feelings.  Do you want a relationship for reasons that feel good or reasons that feel bad to you?

Some examples of common reasons to be in a relationship that affirm negative feelings:

–       To avoid being alone. (Affirms and attracts more loneliness.)

–       To avoid the pain of a recent loss. (Affirms and attracts the pain of the loss.)

–       To be validated in any way by this person.  (Affirms and attracts that you are not enough and need validation.)

–       To get satisfied or gratified.  (Affirms and attracts dissatisfaction.)

In my younger days I unknowingly entered relationships for all of these reasons, and almost as quickly exited the relationship feeling worse.  So I finally took some time alone to bring my feelings and vibration up to speed with the love I truly desired for marriage before dating again.

Do you see how going into dating or a relationship while holding on to the vibration of what you don’t want actually attracts more of this to you?  This is why when I work with clients we get the vibration and good feelings up to match the relationship she desires first before we work on magnetizing her soul mate.

Now some examples of common reasons to be in a relationship that affirm delicious, good feelings:

–       To expand my capacity to love another and myself.  (Affirms and attracts love.)

–       To learn to receive love and care from another.  (Affirms and attracts love and caring.)

–       To have children and expand our family.  (Affirms and attracts love, expansion, and abundance.)

–       To grow spiritually.  (Affirms and attracts spiritual growth.)

–       To support each other on our soul’s journey.  (Affirms and attracts support.)

Do you see how these reasons affirm the positive and what you want to have with your partner?  Coming from this perspective now the law of attraction can actually bring you what it is you want in a love relationship because you are affirming and building on those wonderful good feelings and good vibrations that you really want.

My challenge to you is to ask yourself – why do I want to meet the love of my life now?  Find as many good feeling reasons as you can as to why this would mean so much to you in your life now.

The great news is that the law of attraction is always working and your good feelings are your guide to consciously bringing in what you desire.

With Love and Joy,

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This Popular Personal Growth Philosophy May Not Be Helping You Manifest Love Now

Warning: This is just another opinion, or philosophy, and may not necessarily be yours.  As always, listen to your heart and be true to yourself.  🙂

There is a popular idea in personal growth with a huge following (and believe me I read and enjoyed the books, too) that may not be helping you manifest the love and life you really want.  That idea is that you will be at peace if you just be in the NOW.

Don’t get me wrong, practicing being in the now is a very beneficial tool and practice.  As a yogini, I use the tools of concentration and meditation on a daily basis to be present (which isn’t the same as being in the now, I’ll explain).  Concentration and meditation has changed my life, calmed my emotions, and helped clear my mind.  I intend to practice it for the rest of my life.

But can you realistically be in the now when you have had past heartbreaks and limiting beliefs created from them?  Or can you be in the now when you make appointments, pay bills, and make choices for your future?  We cannot live only in the now.  The past and the future is always in our present, informing this moment.  We are present when what we perceive as now is in total alignment with our past and our future.  My coach likened this to an infinity symbol – the point in the middle being the present and the two loops representing the past and the future.

1125831_90405437“Time has no independent existence apart from the order of events by which we measure it.”  – Albert Einstein

So assuming (and I have to assume because my analytical mind cannot grasp it) that this is true then everything that occurred in your past and everything you imagine for your future is determining exactly what you’re experiencing right now.  This is mind-blowing to consider if you want to find the relationship of your dreams or manifest anything in your life.  After all, if it’s in your dreams and it’s in your future – that must be where you’re headed, right?

So what can you do to align your past and future with what you want to experience presently? 

–       Use your imagination.  Reframe and transmute energy from past relationship experiences into the energy you want to be in now.  A few questions you might ask are, “How has this event made me the woman I am presently?” and “What do I really want now instead?” You can also re-write your relationship story to be the way you want it to be.

–       Connect with your future self.  Imagine how your life will be 5 years from now with your soul mate, and for the rest of your life.  See yourself as an old woman having lived the purposeful life of your dreams.  See how being with your ideal partner changed the life you have yet to live.

“Imagination is more important than knowledge.” – Albert Einstein

Do you question whether simply imaging something is effective or real?  Then ask yourself, “Was there something that has happened in my life that was just a dream in my mind before?”  I’m guessing yes.  So dreaming and imagining has worked for you before.  If all time is present then the very thoughts you have “now” are creating your reality – past, present and future.  So be present with them all and let them represent the life and love that you want to have.

I’ll leave you with this quote from Anita Moorjani, who in her book Dying to Be Me details her near death experience and explains that our concept of time is simply an illusion.

“Since the tapestry of all time has already been woven, everything I could ever want to happen in my life already exists in that infinite, nonphysical plane. My only task is to expand my earthly self enough to let it into this realm. So if there’s something I desire, the idea isn’t to go out and get it, but to expand my own consciousness to allow universal energy to bring it into my reality here.”Anita Moorjani, Dying to Be Me: My Journey from Cancer, to Near Death, to True Healing

With Love and Joy,

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How the Couples You See in Entertainment Affect the Relationship You Attract

A few weeks ago a friend mentioned to me that when she was a child watching the Flintstones, for some reason, made her sad.  At first, I thought, that’s strange.  Then she explained it’s because it always felt really intense to her, like everyone was mad at each other all of the time.  Then I remembered that the Flintstones was the children’s equivalent to The Honeymooners.  You know the – “One of these days, POW right in the kisser!” – Honeymooners.  It makes perfect sense why the Flintstones would be sad for a child to see, and the Honeymooners sad for adults to see.

Over the years there have been countless sitcoms, films and even cartoons (!!) depicting couples as constantly bickering, complaining about and fighting with each other.  Over the decades the fighting has evolved from threats of physical violence, to hysteric yelling, to nasty insults, and to now what seems to be childish rants against each other.  I rarely watch television anymore but recently I watched a comedy show about a married couple only because a friend of mine was guest starring on it, unfortunately not until the very end.  It was the last time I would watch it because the main stars (who I like as performers) were constantly hurling mean insults back and forth like 3rd graders (really mean ones that is) at a playground…for the duration.  Somehow this is supposed to be funny.

As a kid that watched a lot of television growing up, I actually believed this to be the norm – which reminds me of Norm on Cheers, another man always displeased with his wife.  These fictional characters were a big part of my energetic influence and I unknowingly took on the belief that men and women cannot be happy in marriage, or together at all.  I took on the belief that men and women that cared about each other showed it by fighting with each other and insulting each other.  Those beliefs resulted in my early relationships centering on verbal abuse and fighting.

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Of course we can say that it’s just TV or a movie, it isn’t real, but doesn’t our mainstream entertainment “normalize” what we see?  Everything is energy, so if we aren’t conscious can’t we easily take on the energy of our favorite entertainment?  Similarly to what I mentioned in the posts about male and female characters, the character of the “couple” in media has gotten further and further away from the soul mate relationship that I, and I assume you if you’re reading this, want to be in.

So what can you do?  Ask yourself what do you really want your relationship to be like?  Not what you think you can or cannot have based on what you see, but what do you really want?  Write it down.  Talk it out with a friend.  If you’re a creative type, write a story or a script on it. 

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What else is helpful to raise your energy to that of the relationship you desire?  Change the channel.  Shut off the TV.  Seek out media with couples that are like the soul mate relationship you want to have (recently I enjoyed Date Night and Up).  Support those that are making the kind of entertainment that is positively feeding your soul and your partnership. 

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There is a new paradigm for our partnerships that is coming forward now to be the norm.  It isn’t that of our parents and grandparents who largely depended on each other in marriage.  New partnerships are based on mutual respect, support, interdependence and love.  Our partnership supports our spiritual growth individually and as a couple.  I’ll even be so bold as to say this partnership supports the evolution of the collective consciousness and the entire planet. 

The sooner that kind of partnership can be reflected in our entertainment, the sooner it can be reflected in partnerships across the globe.

What is your favorite couple in entertainment?  I’m always on the look out for positive and uplifting shows to watch, so please let me know.

With Love,

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6 Pieces of Popular Dating Advice to Not Take If You Want to Attract Your Soul Mate

One of the main reasons I was inspired to coach and teach women about attracting a soul mate deliberately is because after my journey – including two years of not dating, about nine months of deliberately attracting, then meeting and marrying my soul mate – I discovered that all the things that worked for me was the complete and total opposite of what mainstream dating advice (from media, articles and even well meaning friends) was suggesting to the masses.

I’ve heard just outright poor advice from well-known coaches via television, podcasts and articles and from friends and acquaintances that buy into that belief system about dating and love.  Fortunately, by the age of 35 I was connected enough to my own soul to know what was right for me in attracting the man that I would love and adore (and that would love and adore me!)

Of course, as a coach and human being, I cannot tell you or anyone else what is best for you and your soul mate in love.  When it comes to what you’re looking for in your partner, how you want to express love with your soul mate, what time is right to be intimate together, how often you see each other, how often you communicate and etc. – you have to do what is right for you at the highest level.  I certainly had my own preferences that worked perfectly for me, but you must decide what is best for you.

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However, if you intend to attract your soul mate and a relationship that is joyous and fulfilling, you should absolutely enter the relationship from day one with the end desire in mind – for you and your partnership.  That is what deliberate attraction is all about.

And these 6 pieces of dating advice that I actually heard or read at some point, well, just plain suck if you want to deliberately attract.  Here they are:

1) Just jump in. – As a coach I understand the benefit of just getting out of one’s head and taking the next step but whoa, hold on.  Are you really ready to date at this time?  Are you clear about what you want in your life and with a partner?  Are you clear of any limiting beliefs or negative patterns that will draw the wrong partner to you?  And most importantly, is your last relationship fully completed?  If any of these questions are NO, it’s crucial to take the time to figure things out before jumping in.

2) Don’t ask a guy where it’s going too soon. You can read my post about how to know where your relationship is going for more, but in a nutshell; with deliberate attraction you don’t date unless you know where you’re going and what your intention is.  That doesn’t mean every first date will potentially be the one – but that you choose your dates based on whether they have the same values as you, including where they want a relationship to go, in which case you’ll never have to ask.  If you’re dating someone who doesn’t want to go the same place as you do, you aren’t attracting deliberately.

3) How to flirt text.  – I just saw this recently on a site for a very popular and mainstream women’s magazine.  My palm went right to my face.  Yep, I used to play these games thinking it would turn into something more.  All I got was guys that just wanted to flirt text.  Instead ask your self, what kind of person would be attracted to text flirting when we’re dating?  If that isn’t the kind of person you see yourself sharing your life with, ditch the games.

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4) It’s all a numbers game. – You know what’s a numbers game?  The lottery.  According to Ronald Wasserstein in his article on the Huffington Post your chances of winning the Powerball is 1 in over 175 million.  Don’t you think that your chances of attracting and being in the relationship of your dreams is just a bit better than that?  Well, I do.  Especially when you’re deliberately attracting.  If you’re playing it like a lottery (which also affirms to the Universe you believe your chances to be low, so I don’t suggest that) and going out on random dates without being clear, the chances are much lower it will be successful, and it will get frustrating.  With deliberate attraction you actually go on much fewer dates but are very intentional about whom you invest your time with.

5) When you’re making out on a first date… – I actually heard a well-known dating coach suggesting this on an online free love summit a few years ago.  He was saying to women to go ahead and have fun, make out, but don’t sleep with him and be sure to tell him that you don’t do that until you’re in a committed relationship. Omg and wtf and all the other initial combos that are out there for whacked out stuff to suggest!  I’ve read that supposedly when you exchange any kind of DNA with another person (including just saliva) you’re exchanging parts of your soul.  Your soul.  Even if you don’t believe that, just think about the physical and emotional investment you’re making in a heavy make out session and on a first date rarely will you know this person is your soul mate.  Again ask yourself, what kind of person would be attracted to this behavior?  Would my soul mate do this and want me to be doing this?  If the answer is no, then no make out…yet.

6) You have to date first to really know what you want. – This is along the lines of jumping in and it being a numbers game.  It suggests that you can figure things out along the way and that the more you do it the clearer you become.  Actually, I think it’s the opposite – the more you date unsuccessfully the cloudier and more negative things become.  The deliberate way of going about it would be by being mindful of your time, emotional investment, your heart, your positive energy level and to be just as mindful of that for everyone else you meet.  The clearer you are before you begin the dating process the more successful your dates and the relationship you find will be.

I hope this clarified how deliberate soul mate attraction is different and can be so much more productive than mainstream dating advice.  Also I hope it inspired you to really connect first with your soul and your highest desire for a relationship.

What dating advice have you received that wasn’t helpful for you?  I’d love to know, please comment or contact me at dinarobisoncoaching at gmail dot com.

With Love,

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Can You Help Me? Free 30 Minute Coaching Session For You

Thank you to all who responded to my survey! This helps me so much to create content and a program that can really provide information that will help you attract the love you want.

I don’t have space at this time to offer any more complimentary 60 minute sessions but as of July 13th, 2013 new respondents will get a free 30 minute clarity session – please let me know how I can better help you attract your soul mate! 

Survey –> http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/VTJ759G

Love,

Dina

How Women You See in Entertainment Affects Your Energy and Whom You Attract

In 2005 I went to see a movie (I just realized this is my third post in a row beginning like this) that was a big budget, action/fantasy based on a graphic novel.  There’s something about seeing a movie in the theater, super-sized on the screen with full surround sound that makes is so effective and, well, real.

Unfortunately in this film targeted to young males, the women were not represented in a very encouraging way.  All the female characters, except one, were prostitutes or a stripper that appeared between the ages of 18 to 25.  The one female character that wasn’t a prostitute was a cop (encouraging)…and she bared her breasts (not encouraging).  All the male characters (also killer/assassin types) appeared between the ages of 40 and 50 and were very grungy looking types compared to the innocent prettiness of the females.

Watching this film was, surprisingly, the first time it really hit me that women are sadly misrepresented in popular entertainment and that I really felt the negativity and heaviness of the women in that film.  It was the first time a film affected me energetically like that.  Over the years I’ve noticed more and more how women are portrayed grossly…

Sassy, independent gals that sleep with guy after guy in just about every episode in an effort to find true love. The beautiful super heroine who kills without blinking but says that love is for children.  The romantic prostitute that finds her prince charming after he hires her for her services.  I’ll stop here, you get the picture.  And I haven’t watched very much popular entertainment in the last few years – currently there are more and more romantic comedies featuring the female lead as only wanting something casual, love not coming in to the equation until the very end.

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In these instances, and in many other examples in entertainment, females are represented as being only worthwhile for sexual pleasure or violence and being totally heartless.  And being that watching entertainment can be such a powerful experience, these images can really affect the energy of viewers.  Myself and a lot of women have at some point taken on, unknowingly, the energy and traits of these types of characters.

** On a side note, if you think I’m exaggerating I recently attended a talk about sex trafficking and the speaker, who works with rehabilitating girls after prostitution, said that many of the girls actually believe the Pretty Woman fantasy that they will meet their rich, prince Charming that way.

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So how does all of this affect you, who wants to attract and meet the love of your life?  Well, if you take on the energy of the entertainment you watch it may affect you (along with watching male characters) by energetically changing the way you show up in your relationships with men.  Some instances based on the examples above: taking on an overly sexual energy before establishing love in a relationship, behaving cold in an effort to be more appealing, or basically being a doormat in the name of love while the desired guy finally decides he wants to be with you.  This kind of energy can create an imbalance- too strong of masculine characteristics with very little feminine.  A divine female has a balance of both the masculine and the feminine.  She’s strong but has an open, loving heart.

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What kind of energy do you want in your long-term partnership?  Do you want to be anything other than your self in your relationship?  How do you want to be and be loved in your relationship?

As with male characters – find examples of females that are like how you want to be in love and life.  Look for the energy of a woman that is balanced in both her feminine and masculine traits.  She’s strong in the positive difference she’s making in the world but has an open heart to fully love her man and her family unconditionally.  Look for women that are where you want to be, and take on their energy!

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Who are you favorite, inspiring female characters in entertainment?  I’m always looking for good recommendations for uplifting movies or television shows, so please let me know if you got any.

Next week, my last article on this topic – the couples we see in entertainment and how that affects our relationships.

With Love,

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