I remember watching Jerry Maguire in the theater when it was first released and after a few hours of what was a very intriguing and fun movie getting to the tearful, romantic ending where he blurts out the words, “You complete me.” A phrase that would be repeated, replayed, misused, and misunderstood – along with “Show me the money!” – for at least another seventeen years.
It could have been my jaded self at the time but that ending felt anything but romantic to me. This guy hardly pays any attention to this woman who’s head over heels in love with him and is working her butt off to help him all the time and yet at the end he comes back to her because he needs her to complete him? Um, that sounds co-dependent and/or desperate to me. Dude, complete yourself first then call me. Maybe.
(I just thought this picture was trippy!)
As down as I was on Jerry, over the years as my awareness grew I noticed that I, too, searched for some kind of unknown completion in everything external – relationships, teaching yoga, pursuit of an acting career, even my old yoga podcast Get Exercised. Love, approval, praise, affection, and gratitude were just a few of the things I wanted from the outside.
Harville Hendrix describes this in his book Keeping the Love You Find, in which he says most of us have unconscious wounds that we received in childhood in relation to our primary caregivers and seek to fill, or complete, these wounds in our love relationships and even elsewhere. (In my words now, not Harville’s) This incompleteness is the stuff addictions are made of because if we can’t get them fulfilled in our partnerships (and we can’t) then we might turn to something that makes us feel good and forget. If you want to read about wounds and the types of partners you attract based on your wounds then I recommend his book.
If you want to use the Law of Attraction effectively, move on with your life and find the love you’ve always wanted – then I suggest healing/completing your wounds your self. Once you realize and acknowledge what the wound is for you, I don’t think it’s important or helpful to relive the details about it endlessly. What you focus on expands, if you focus on the wound then that experience expands. So what is it that you do want instead of the wound?
As an example, let’s use love. Say you didn’t get a fulfilling amount of love from one or both of your primary caregivers and you find that in your relationship you don’t feel loved by your partner. It’s your wound from the past and your partner (actually any partner so it doesn’t do any good to run off to someone else) can never give you enough love to fill the void you felt as a child. Wounds can never be filled externally. Also, how you feel is what you will receive, so if you feel incomplete, unloved, etc. what you receive will be incomplete, unloved, etc.
So again, what it is that you do want? Love. How can you have that love now? How can you be the vibration of love now so you attract that love to you? You must give yourself the very thing that you seek externally. If love is what you seek, vow to yourself now to love yourself. “From this moment on I vow to fully love (or whatever it is that you want) myself.” What loving things can you say and do for your self?
That’s just one example but it’s the same for affection, joy, fun, abundance, praise, etc. If you want something from others, you must first establish that in your self.
I cannot begin to tell you how much healing my own wounds changed my entire life. Not only did I attract a loving man who gives me approval, affection, praise, and gratitude daily – I no longer sought it externally because I felt complete. Now I can focus my attention entirely on loving my husband and serving my clients. I no longer felt the need to pursue an elusive acting career (when I took the need for approval out of the equation I didn’t enjoy it nearly as much as I thought, yikes!) Basically, I’m happy and fulfilled. Complete.
Is there anything that you seek to complete you? What is it that you think a partnership will fulfill for you? How can you give yourself those things now?
To attract the most fulfilling relationship that your soul desires – be the completed energy that you wish to receive.
With Love and Gratitude,