Attracting the Same Type of Guy Over and Over? Here’s How To Take Charge and Change It

“I think the law of attraction has been misstated. You do not attract what you want. You attract what you are. That’s how the law of attraction works.” ~ Wayne Dyer

If you’ve been dating for a while and/or have had multiple relationships you may have noticed a similarity or two (or more) amongst the men you are attracting into your love life.  It can be frustrating to say the least because at the beginning it may seem like this guy is totally and completely different than the last but as time goes on the same characteristics, and possibly the same annoyances, start to pop up.


I can relate. This was happening with me until one day I had enough and decided to get off that seemingly endless wheel of disappointment.  I took a sabbatical from dating to figure out why I was attracting and was attracted to such similar men, and how to attract someone I could really build my life with.

There were three fundamental truths about attraction and the Law of Attraction that I came to know during this time that I hope can shed some light on this for you:

1)    You are not a victim to whom you attract into your life.  Attraction is a two way street – if you are attracting someone, it means you are also attracted to him.  It is your attraction for each other that brings you together.

2)    It’s essential that you bring your awareness to what you want to attract instead.  If you are obsessing about the way things have been or could have been then energetically you’re still holding that in your life.

3)    Like the Wayne Dyer quote above – your energy, vibration, beliefs, and being matches that of whom you’re attracting.  Yep, it’s hard to admit or fathom, but it’s true.  You are attracting the people into the life you do because of your own vibration.  Now, this isn’t so you can blame yourself or anybody else as we all are doing the same thing all the time.  But it’s a wonderful opportunity to become aware, learn and grow.

So now what do you do?  Here’s what I did with much success and you can, too, to change this pattern:

1)    Acknowledge how you were benefiting from attracting those guys into your life and acknowledge that you no longer need that benefit and that you are willing to change your self.  Awareness is the first step to breaking a pattern.

2)    Ask yourself, “What do I want instead?”  Write down all of the qualities, values and traits that you would like to have in a partner instead.  Also, write down the qualities, values and traits that you would like in your ideal relationship.  If you can’t help but think of an icky trait of an ex, then just write down what the opposite of that trait is.  Do this until you have a clear picture of the type of person you intend to attract from now on.

3)    Grow your Self, “change” what you Are.  Yes, be your Self but until you are a match for the type of person you really want in your life, you will keep attracting what you attracted before.  With deliberate attraction this is more about revealing your authentic Self rather than simply changing or acting differently.  A couple of questions to get your started – ask yourself, “What kind of woman do I need to be to attract and be in a relationship with this type of man?” and, “What do I need to believe in order to attract and be with this type of man?”  Your answers will give you a lot of direction for where you want to be and need to be before you enter in to your next relationship.


This can be a painfully truthful yet very liberating process to go through.  However, if you really want to deliberately attract your ideal partner it is essential to take these steps before beginning the dating process again to avoid getting into the same relationship with the same type of guy.  When your energy has changed to match the person and relationship you truly desire you cannot help but attract the right man to you!

I hope you find this inspiring and helpful.  I’d love to read your comments, so please leave them below!  And if you enjoyed this article and resonate with the message please share with the social media buttons below.

Love & Light,


17 thoughts on “Attracting the Same Type of Guy Over and Over? Here’s How To Take Charge and Change It

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  3. Dee

    My last three relationships were the same. They told me I was there dream woman and that they loved me within weeks. They did and said everything right. Then disappeared. Why? What signals am I giving off that attracts these types of guys. They Appear to be perfect just to find out they are no different.

    1. dinarobisoncoaching Post author

      Dee, without knowing the particulars of your situation I can only make guesses based on common patterns in women. I’m guessing that these men were driven by a need or lust that wasn’t truly rooted in love. I’m also guessing that there is a part of you that needs that kind of affirmation at the very beginning of a relationship therefore is very drawn to that. Perhaps look at what attracted you to them in the first place and if you didn’t need “that” in the beginning what would you be attracted to instead? Also, try doing things differently when you’re dating like taking your time to get to know them first and wait a while to get physical. Hope this is helpful!


        My daughter says I give off some type of signal that’s makes them feel an urgency to lock things down by telling all these lies. The last one seemed like my dream come true. He said we are soul mates and used God in every sentence. We did not get physical. I don’t think I will ever trust another man. Maybe it’s me not them.

      2. dinarobisoncoaching Post author

        Well I trust your daughter really knows you well! It isn’t black or white, them or you. It’s more like the energy you’re creating is attracting the type of energy that matches you in that moment. If you feel what your daughter says is true it could be helpful to explore what’s going on with you early in the relationship and ask yourself questions like, do you feel the urgency to “lock” them down? And perhaps there’s another way you can move forward like taking things very slow or even being friends first.

  4. Kathy Farrey

    Thoughtfull and true article, but it’s missing one ingredient. Most of us attract the partner who will show us our scars. This modern obsession with with finding the “right” mate, causes people to jump from partner to partner, always blaming the other person for our pain. Blame puts all the power outside ourselves, and prevents us from healing what needs to be healed.

  5. Sharice B.

    I’m not understanding this article in its entirety. I know that we often attract who we are but I find it kind of hard to believe I’m attracting player-type men who don’t want to commit to me at all but like to keep me around as a sign that I’m an emotionless piece of shit like the shits I attract. Pardon my French. I’ve said affirmations and even made a list in my phone about my future husband but I have yet to even attract much less get a hello from men of substance who know how to lead and are ready to get into a relationship. Maybe I’m just meant to be alone. *shrugs*

    1. dinarobisoncoaching Post author

      No, you are not an emotionless piece of **** but there is something about your energy that is attracting/attracted to what that type of man has to offer you. It could be that a part of you doesn’t want to commit or you have an unconscious belief that’s all you deserve to have or that the type of man you really want doesn’t exist, etc. I don’t think you’re meant to be alone unless that’s what you really want. Hope this makes sense.

  6. Alice

    This was good. I felt the urge to share my thoughts. I sat down and made a list of all my boyfriends’ traits. Turns out they all shared at least 5 of 6 traits:

    1. Fixer upper/messy lives (divorce, divorced parents, children out of wedlock)
    2. Daddy issues (absent father, abandonment)
    3. Easy conquests (they were no trouble for me to “capture” them, and quite readily available)
    4. All surface, no depth (focused on having fun, rarely turned attention to inward matters)
    5. Need for approval/attention (avid artists, musicians, etc. who fed off of others’ attention)
    6. Arrogance (much wealth, status, athletic abilities, and very proud)


    Now that it’s been several years of growth, I can look back on these guys and I know that I was attracted to them because *I* lacked the qualities I WANTED in a man. Here’s the list:

    1. Brings out the best in people
    2. Self-sacrificial, going to great lengths to be helpful without complaining
    3. Dedicated to focusing on the good and contributing to the good
    4. Inner strength, good self-esteem (no need to compare self to others)
    5. Continually setting and achieving goals
    6. Service attitude (how can I be of help?)
    7. Propriety (knowing how to behave in any situation with discretion and wisdom)
    8. Depth, humility/ humble learner and listener

    What a man he would prove to be! Now that I see the light, I can hopefully start to possess these same traits to attract such a man. I am a firm believer that the power of God in Jesus Christ is the only way that a woman’s heart can be changed! I know because this is what I’ve been praying about, myself. May God enable you to possess these qualities, too.

    1. dinarobisoncoaching Post author

      Thank you so much for sharing your feedback! I think many of us have been attracted to the type of man you described in the first part. Yay, for recognizing it! The man in the second part sounds amazing and I pray you cross paths soon.

  7. Laura

    I am so glad I ran across this article. I know I keep choosing the same types of men. So I knew it had to be something in me that I attracted these types of men. I now know what I need to do and can’t wait to find me again.

  8. Christy

    This was so helpful on the night my on off random fling of a boyfriend left to fly home. Answering your questions was SO deeply difficult but SO deeply revealing too. He is just like my Dad in the most uncanny and disturbing ways because I am also like him 😦 or rather, I have been like him in the past. But what I get most from your article is that change is possible…I don’t have to remain a victim to my own repatterning…I can change my life one day/moment/thought at a time. Thank you xxx

    1. Dina Robison Post author

      Yay, Christy! Thank you so much for sharing this. Most of us can relate. Yes, these questions are so, so difficult to confront but that’s exactly why they’re so impactful. Once you face them honestly, you come out a different person. I’m so happy for you!

      1. Christiana Clementina Davidson

        Thank you so much Dina! I have written a list about how I must change if I am going to see change in my world…that’s where the ripple effect begins I guess 🙂 Strange thing is, I have even seen how this explains why my parents attracted each other…I have been carrying on the same pattern, rehashing their story too? But now I want to write my very own- God help me 😉

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