When You Feel You’ve Met Your Soul Mate and He Doesn’t Feel the Same Way


A reader of this blog and friend emailed me last week to tell me about her heartbreaking situation and asked me what my thoughts were about it.

In the email she detailed that she had a romance with a man that she felt was the one, her soul mate, and it had been going great for a while.  She felt he was in love with her as much as she was with him.  However, he was just coming off of a messy divorce and wasn’t ready for a deeper commitment at that time and they parted ways.  She respected where he was at and gave him space while waiting for him to come back when he was ready.  Long story short, he never did and is now in another relationship and engaged to be married.

As a woman who’s been in a similar situation let me just say first…ouch.  I’m so sorry for the heartbreak you are going through.  Myself and so many women I’ve known over the years have gone through something similar.  Please know your feelings are totally validated here and just allow yourself to feel them whatever they may be.

Regardless of what you’re going through now you won’t need to feel this way for very long.  There is a light at the end of this tunnel if you can allow the situation to be a learning and growth experience on the way to meeting  your real love.

First let me address the concept of Soul Mates.  I mean, what the heck is that anyway?  There are so many definitions and theories on this ranging from you only get one – to – you have tons of them including your first grade teacher.

I don’t really know for sure (to say the least because I’m not a channel, enlightened, and don’t have memories of my soul life before incarnating in this body as a squealing baby) – but what I’ve noticed in my life and my feeling is that we have soul mates in two major categories: 1) The long term life journey growth and expansion kind, and 2) The short term, smack you in the face, wake you up so you get on the right path to what you really should have kind.

So with that in mind…yes, this man could have been your soul mate.  But he was more likely a soul mate that helped you to re-direct your course onto the right path so you can meet your long-term, soul mate partner.  I lovingly think of my own last heartbreak (which I’m so thankful for now) as my “wake up call guy.”  Sounds like this guy was your wake up call guy.

Secondly, and the most important aspect to this I want to address here is the fact that he wasn’t sure about committing to you and you still felt he was the one.  This is not to judge you as I’ve been there, too, but this is an important part of the waking up process…

When all is said and done – as much as you may love someone if he doesn’t feel the same way about you is that good enough for you in your soul mate relationship?  I mean, does that really cut it?  Do you want to wake up every morning next to someone who had to really wait and think about whether he wanted to be with you when you were positively sure about him?  Do you want to affirm to the Universe or God or Source that that is as much as you deserve to be loved?

Yes, you may be head over heels in love with him but nevertheless I sincerely hope you answered NO to those questions.  If not then you have some work to do transmuting your limiting beliefs about your worth in love and relationships.

One of the most important steps to deliberately attracting your soul mate aside from finding the one you love, of course, is to be open and ready to receive love from the one that loves and feels the same way about you.  To love the one that loves you. When you’re attracting deliberately you’re not just attracting any guy that feels you’re his maybe when he’s ready – you’re attracting the one that is ready to drop everything and do anything to be with you and take vows with you at the altar and maybe even make mini versions of the two of you.


Personally, after my wake up call guy I’ll be damned if I was going to settle for anything less that that.   And I don’t think any other woman should either.  I forget who said this originally but it was something to the effect of, “the Universe doesn’t take anything away from you unless it plans to give you something better.”

So what do you need to do, believe or have to be open and ready to receive that kind of devoted love?  What would it take for you to know you have that kind of love waiting for you just around the corner? 

Two days after I received that email I saw this quote from Jeff Brown of soulshaping.com which describes this perfectly:

“If one person doesn’t want the relationship, then it’s simply not a fit. No sense trying to figure out why we think they don’t want it. No sense blaming it on their commitment issues. No sense waiting around for them to realize they wanted it after all. And if they don’t want it, then we don’t want it, because we don’t want to be with someone who is not there for it fully. That’s the thing about a love relationship- it’s an agreement that has to be signed by both souls. If one doesn’t sign, then nothing has been lost. If it’s not a fit for them, it’s not a fit for us either.” Jeff Brown http://soulshaping.com/

I hope this inspires you to love the one that loves you.  How about you?  Have you had a wake up situation that re-directed you on to the right path or that made you truly realize your worth?  I’d love to read about it, please comment.

If you liked this article please like and share and all that good stuff!

Lots of Love & Light,


22 thoughts on “When You Feel You’ve Met Your Soul Mate and He Doesn’t Feel the Same Way

  1. Kaite McGrew

    well said, D! I think this is such an important point not just about romantic love, but about all aspects of life itself! We spend so much time trying to make things/situations/people want us, we never slow down long enough to ask ourselves what we really want – do we even want what doesn’t want us?? this is HUGE! thanks for a great article! -K

  2. Pingback: How Do You Make Someone Love You? - The Good Mother Project

  3. Anonymous

    If this is true about the long term and short term soul-mate… How do you proceed a search for a long term soul-mate when you have already had children with the short term soul-mate?

  4. Mally

    This article really hits home with me… I would like to share my story with you.. even if it probably seems childish and stupid from the outside, I feel very deeply and am suffering very strongly.
    While in the process of getting out of a cold, loveless relationship, I met someone new.. He was everything I wanted in a man and more and as I got to know him, I found myself falling for him very fast and very far.. And he seemed to feel the same way. After a blissful three weeks of what seemed to be the start of a beautiful and gentle new relationship (everything I was missing in the relationship I was leaving behind), he informed me that he is still hurting from a past heartbreak and isn’t ready to share his heart with me until he has healed and learned to love himself. I respect that and am trying to let him go but I am suffering profoundly and can’t understand why this is so hard for me. I feel so intensely for him and I am experiencing such intense pain from this rejection, I don’t know how to begin to cope with it… I feel so sure that man is my soul mate and I want to give him space and time but how can I wait for him without killing myself in the process? I am more than willing to wait for him to be ready and also to give myself time to heal but the thought of him choosing someone else is unbearable for me. How can I get through this pain and become a stronger person? I suffering so deeply and feeling so lost…

    1. dinarobisoncoaching Post author

      Mally, thank you so much for sharing your personal story. No, that does not seem stupid or childish at all. I think anyone reading this (or in my case writing it) can relate in some way. The heartbreak is still so fresh that I would simply allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling, be with it without trying to block it out or deny it, and sit with that for a bit of time. Hopefully, in some time your perspective will start to change. This man might be your “wake up call” man that I referred to in this post. If so, this will serve as the inspiration for you to go about dating, love, and relationships differently. Perhaps, you need more time to heal and reflect on the first relationship. Whatever that is, allow yourself this time and know that at some point this will seem like it was all for a purpose. My love goes out to you.

    2. Leefvern

      Hi! I couldn’t help reading your story and seeing how it reflected mine almost exactly! I’ve never loved someone so much in my life it actually hurts. I genuinely thought he was the one- I still kinda do.. he made it seem like we were destined to be together until 5 months later he called to let me know that he wasn’t really over his ex gf and went back to her. The pain is unbearable. I just spend days crying or sleeping or thinking about him. Knowing that I wont have his love or be held in his arms or just be able to be with him is making my life a misery. I’ve never experienced this before and I have no clue how to deal with this. On one hand I want to fight for the love we had and on the other hand I want him to be happy with her. And in all hands I want to die. They say time heals everything… but what if it doesn’t? What if I live my whole life feeling this way?

      1. Dina Robison Post author

        I’m so very sorry to hear you’re going through this. As painful as it is, allow yourself to process these emotions. Trying to suppress or escape will only prolong the grief and encourage it to re-surface at another time. So many women (and men) reading this have been through similar situations. I’ve had clients come to me completely heartbroken, shattered – and then process all of that and meet their soulmate months later. This, too, will pass. And also I’ll paraphrase another famous saying – that one day someone comes along that makes you realize why it never worked out with anyone else. Sending love and hugs to you!

  5. Nyla

    Great article. I recognise it. I called him the catalyser who made me realise certain things on which I have to work on for myself. Indeed I saw him as a soulmate, he apparently did not. I asked myself why am I in love with someone who does not want to commit to me again (we did have a relationship, after few months he contacted me again but just to be friends…). In a way I ask myself why him? And I realised that I had to work on myself. I broke off the friendship. I am staying single for a while and try to find out what I want. Nevertheless I still have strong feelings for him, but I have given this a place now and after breaking off the friendship he wanted with me I have to move on, no excuses :-).

      1. NYLA

        Thanks Dina, is it a good thing or bad thing though being so empowered? I have my weak moments and think maybe i should explain in more detail why i broke off the friendship in that abrupt brutal way. I thought that otherwise it wld go on and on. Is it worthwhile to do this though….i gave him another chance before this and he wanted just friendship but he did not behave like a friend should do I found. Confusing as he initiated the contact again…

      2. dinarobisoncoaching Post author

        Personally, I think it’s a great thing. Are you the type of person that wants to please others? (nothing wrong with it, I’m totally like that, too.) If so, you might be used to thinking of others needs before your own. Take some time to really focus on what you need now in a relationship, even a friendship, and if he isn’t that then you can compassionately let him go. Co-dependent/narcissistic types will continually try to keep you in their life while also keeping distance and never committing. Give yourself love and hold out for someone truly available.

  6. Sarah

    Thank you for this! I left a long term relationship towards the end of last year due to us not being in love any longer and both being on different paths. This year I suddenly found a very intense connection with a man who I immediately fell in love with. The connection was electric, spiritual and so easy between us. However, he made it clear after a couple of months of this intensity, that he doesn’t want any commitment. I was (and still am) heartbroken, but I’ve realised that this man has come into my life to show me that I shouldn’t settle for anything less than magic. Magic that’s mutually cherished by myself and someone else. One love Xxx

  7. Jordan M colkitt

    This is literally the greatest article I have ever read. It gave me so much inside and so much Faith to believe Life Works how it’s supposed to I just need to be open to it.

    Went through a hard break up after 9 months with my boyfriend. I always felt like something was there that I could spend the rest of my life with him period and go through anything with them. Deep down in my heart I know he feels the same way. He’s just influenced by other people and what they might say. That’s how we almost broke up twice before. That’s why we were friends for 5 days, but we’re not friends anymore because he said it’s hard for him to says it’s hard for me. Even though he broke up with me because he felt like the love wasn’t there anymore. Even though I know it was because we did too many things that showed we love each other. After some talking right after we broke up I figured out it was because he wanted to focus on his path to becoming a cop, he wasn’t ready. Right person wrong timing. Deep down we both know we’ll come together later it’s just taking a break for a while that hurts the most. I know it’s not the same for him either. The day after we broke up he got a brand new girl puppy, almost named her my middle name or name we were going to name our kid in the future. Even though deep down I know we’ll come back together later we just need a break to figure out life, especially since 18 and he’s 21. Why is it so hard to move on though? For both of us? He said it was the hardest thing and so much work to move on. So I asked him why did we even break up then? And he said he just didn’t feel it. Is that all this is a short-term? Cuz I feel like we could be together even after we move on from this life. Even after we broke up we both wanted to be best friends. Even though we broke up we both wanted each other to be happy. We both could talk about anything. We connect on such a level that I already in the universe can’t even explain. I know I feel the same way cuz I get that look every time I see him even after we broke up. And I’m still good friends with his mom then she knows him pretty well and she says the same thing. She told me just cuz there’s a door doesn’t mean there’s a window or it isn’t cracked open.

    Sorry to kind of spill this out on you. Just wanted to share how I relate to is this article.

    Is this really what a soulmate feels like? I heard there’s two types of soulmates. One that’s a smack in the face kind of one to redirect your path in life. and one to have a lasting relationship with

    Overall I was just wanting to let you know what a great article it was. And how change me to look at life completely differently in a good way 🙂 I related to it seriously deep level. As cheesy as it sounds.

    1. Dina Robison Post author

      Jordan, thank you for your comment and deeply sharing your story. I apologize for being late to reply. I completely relate to what you’re going through as do so many other women (and I’m sure men, too). To answer your question, yes I believe that our connections with some people are meant to wake us up, change our paths for the better. And sometimes it takes a deep connection to really spur us on in the right direction. This has been my experience and that of many women I know now in soulmate relationships. I’m so glad you enjoyed this article and hope your soul is guiding you in the right direction.

  8. Sandy Claus

    I searched for answers and it brought me here. I really needed it. I’m currently madly in love with a man who is not ready for this… but he still wants me in his life. I am so confused. I know that he knows I’m the one. He told me as much. He says he pulled away to save me from what he knows will be hurtful because he isnt ready to give me all I deserve. He was married 23 yrs to his childhood sweetheart (14 yrs old!). They had a family and he was in love with her with his entire heart. She cheated and he’s still reeling. He said he never imagined he’d go thru the rest of his life without her and his kids. He’s sad. He’s still hurt. But he met me and he was instantly ‘mine’ til it got too real. He pulled away saying that he liked me too much and that he didn’t know what to do with it. He says he is messed up emotionally and mentally right now and its not fair to me. But I want him so much. I never had such an insane attraction to anyone in my life. I met him online and he was going to do some electric work for me. I saw his pic and didnt think anything of it. There was no attraction whatsoever. I actually thought he was NOT attractive. But he showed up and there was a smile from him and I couldn’t even breathe. I fell FAST and so hard. I did my best to regain my composure. But about 30 mins in he says… “this is gonna sound crazy but i feel like i’ve known you forever!” then we were just together after that pretty much everyday. it just recently ended but we have a date tonight. I’m so nervous.
    Any advice? Should I give up?

    1. Dina Robison Post author

      Hi, Sandy. I’m sorry to hear about the heartache your current situation is bringing to you. I can relate to this as I’m sure many people can. As for specific advice, I can’t tell you what to do except to tune into your soul and higher wisdom. Speaking from experience and that of my friends and clients that are with their soulmates, soulmate love feels easy and fulfilling. Not because of the passion or connection (though those are great, too) but because the commitment is there without excuses, without needing a reason for it to be. It just is. It just works. If this man is not ready to be with you in the way that you want, then tune into yourself and ask if he’s really your soulmate.


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