Tag Archives: commitment

When You Feel You’ve Met Your Soul Mate and He Doesn’t Feel the Same Way

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A reader of this blog and friend emailed me last week to tell me about her heartbreaking situation and asked me what my thoughts were about it.

In the email she detailed that she had a romance with a man that she felt was the one, her soul mate, and it had been going great for a while.  She felt he was in love with her as much as she was with him.  However, he was just coming off of a messy divorce and wasn’t ready for a deeper commitment at that time and they parted ways.  She respected where he was at and gave him space while waiting for him to come back when he was ready.  Long story short, he never did and is now in another relationship and engaged to be married.

As a woman who’s been in a similar situation let me just say first…ouch.  I’m so sorry for the heartbreak you are going through.  Myself and so many women I’ve known over the years have gone through something similar.  Please know your feelings are totally validated here and just allow yourself to feel them whatever they may be.

Regardless of what you’re going through now you won’t need to feel this way for very long.  There is a light at the end of this tunnel if you can allow the situation to be a learning and growth experience on the way to meeting  your real love.

First let me address the concept of Soul Mates.  I mean, what the heck is that anyway?  There are so many definitions and theories on this ranging from you only get one – to – you have tons of them including your first grade teacher.

I don’t really know for sure (to say the least because I’m not a channel, enlightened, and don’t have memories of my soul life before incarnating in this body as a squealing baby) – but what I’ve noticed in my life and my feeling is that we have soul mates in two major categories: 1) The long term life journey growth and expansion kind, and 2) The short term, smack you in the face, wake you up so you get on the right path to what you really should have kind.

So with that in mind…yes, this man could have been your soul mate.  But he was more likely a soul mate that helped you to re-direct your course onto the right path so you can meet your long-term, soul mate partner.  I lovingly think of my own last heartbreak (which I’m so thankful for now) as my “wake up call guy.”  Sounds like this guy was your wake up call guy.

Secondly, and the most important aspect to this I want to address here is the fact that he wasn’t sure about committing to you and you still felt he was the one.  This is not to judge you as I’ve been there, too, but this is an important part of the waking up process…

When all is said and done – as much as you may love someone if he doesn’t feel the same way about you is that good enough for you in your soul mate relationship?  I mean, does that really cut it?  Do you want to wake up every morning next to someone who had to really wait and think about whether he wanted to be with you when you were positively sure about him?  Do you want to affirm to the Universe or God or Source that that is as much as you deserve to be loved?

Yes, you may be head over heels in love with him but nevertheless I sincerely hope you answered NO to those questions.  If not then you have some work to do transmuting your limiting beliefs about your worth in love and relationships.

One of the most important steps to deliberately attracting your soul mate aside from finding the one you love, of course, is to be open and ready to receive love from the one that loves and feels the same way about you.  To love the one that loves you. When you’re attracting deliberately you’re not just attracting any guy that feels you’re his maybe when he’s ready – you’re attracting the one that is ready to drop everything and do anything to be with you and take vows with you at the altar and maybe even make mini versions of the two of you.

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Personally, after my wake up call guy I’ll be damned if I was going to settle for anything less that that.   And I don’t think any other woman should either.  I forget who said this originally but it was something to the effect of, “the Universe doesn’t take anything away from you unless it plans to give you something better.”

So what do you need to do, believe or have to be open and ready to receive that kind of devoted love?  What would it take for you to know you have that kind of love waiting for you just around the corner? 

Two days after I received that email I saw this quote from Jeff Brown of soulshaping.com which describes this perfectly:

“If one person doesn’t want the relationship, then it’s simply not a fit. No sense trying to figure out why we think they don’t want it. No sense blaming it on their commitment issues. No sense waiting around for them to realize they wanted it after all. And if they don’t want it, then we don’t want it, because we don’t want to be with someone who is not there for it fully. That’s the thing about a love relationship- it’s an agreement that has to be signed by both souls. If one doesn’t sign, then nothing has been lost. If it’s not a fit for them, it’s not a fit for us either.” Jeff Brown http://soulshaping.com/

I hope this inspires you to love the one that loves you.  How about you?  Have you had a wake up situation that re-directed you on to the right path or that made you truly realize your worth?  I’d love to read about it, please comment.

If you liked this article please like and share and all that good stuff!

Lots of Love & Light,

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Negative Beliefs From Past Relationships and What To Do About It

Staying in past negative relationship stories and holding them as true can be one of the biggest stumbling blocks to attracting the love your soul truly desires now.  By holding firm to a past situation that was in a lower vibration, whether consciously or not, you’re actually are still attracting the energy and vibration of your old relationship.  So how do you get out of that old energy?

In an earlier post I talked about how important it is to re-write your story.  Like an author, just create in writing the story that you want now in your life.  It doesn’t mean that it has to be perfect or that you have to feel perfect about it yet, what’s important is that the intention is there.  The intention that your next relationship will not be like your past ones and will be exactly as you want it.  And that you’re willing to move on and accept the help you need to get you there.  Intention and willingness are powerful.

Do you ever find that when you have felt bad about something that it can actually inspire you to make a change to have something even better and more in alignment with who you really are?  Is there any situation in your life where you made a change like that, for example a job change?  Well, I have.  And I use those negative feelings of disappointment, rejection, or whatever it is to fuel what it is that I truly want.

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So in deliberate attraction I don’t encourage you to just get over or “let go” of those feelings about the past.  If you are able to do that like soon and fairly easily without any kind of lobotomy then awesome!  Do it.  But for most of us we know the past is done and it might take lifetimes to completely “let go” of something really painful.  Therefore, when deliberately attracting the love your soul desires it’s much more beneficial to transmute the negative energy, beliefs and feelings into energy, beliefs and feelings that serve you now.

What does that mean?  It can mean many things – changing your perspective about what happened, seeing another point of view, re-framing a negative belief, re-framing agreements you made to others or yourself, healing your own wounds and filling your own voids to name just a few ways.  You transmute energy any time you feel a shift or change in YOU.  Have you ever made a shift in your diet or health or stopped an addiction?  That’s what I mean by transmuting your energy.  You changed and there’s no going back.  Transmutation is where YOUR power lies because it begins and ends with you.

There are tons of methods you can use to assist you in transmuting energy and making shifts which might include but are not limited to coaching, counseling, therapy, support groups, inspirational books, journaling, meditation, prayer, healing modalities, singing, chanting, yoga, dancing and anything else you can think of that you feel feeds your soul.  The choice is yours.

Here are a couple of powerful questions to get you started.  It can be challenging to take a look at but one way to begin changing your perspective about a negative past relationship is to honestly ask yourself these questions.  You don’t have to have answers right away.  Just ask, either in writing or in prayer, and let guidance come to you naturally any time later.

What was I getting out of that situation? 

What part did I play in allowing that to happen? 

What did I learn from it? 

What will I do differently next time? 

“View other people’s actions as mirrors.  Discover what their behaviors are telling you about yourself…Change your relationships by changing yourself.”  From Sanaya Roman’s Soul Love

This isn’t about blaming or getting down on your self.  This is about taking ownership for the energy you’re putting out into the Universe in prior relationships and presently and consciously changing it.  And only you can do that.

This doesn’t mean it has to all happen overnight or that you have to do it alone.  I cannot recommend enough the power of finding support of some sort, either from a trusted friend or from a professional because an outside perspective can get you out of your own mind.

Be easy on yourself.  It’s totally okay to be feeling what you’re feeling.  Even if it’s negative right now it’s fueling your desire for change, for something positive in your life, and for the relationship of your dreams.  Then bring yourself back to what you want.  Always.  Gently remind yourself to go back to what you want.  Like training a muscle, you’ll find that it gets easier and you get stronger.

If you have any comments or questions about this that you’d like me to address in future blog posts please ask me at dinarobisoncoaching at gmail dot com.  My desire is that this gives you some food for thought and gets you on track to manifesting the love you want.

With Love & Joy,

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Re-Writing Your Relationship Story

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Do you find that your relationships consistently have a similar pattern or story?  Is there a certain type of partner you find yourself with repeatedly?  Is he always late or standing you up?  Do you think that this is the way it’s always going to be because nobody’s perfect or because that’s just how men are?

If this sounds familiar you are so not alone.  Most of us go through our lives making choices based on our default patterns and stories without even realizing it.  But what if I told you that it can be totally different than the way it’s always been by just re-writing what your story is?  What if your love story can be exactly the way YOU want and decide it to be?

If you’ve bought into a negative story you are so not alone.  Whether it was from your upbringing or fed to you via the media (oh, don’t get me started about the negative media), a story you choose to take on can seem very real.  Some common negative stories that get thrown around and bought into are:

Men and women can’t live with each other, can’t live without each other.

Men just have to spread themselves around.

Relationships are tough and hard work.

It’s normal to have fights in a relationship.

Nobody’s perfect so I guess I’ll just have to take what I got.

It’s so hard to find a mate I’m just lucky to be with the person I have now.

And on and on.

In my reality (and in other couples I know) none of the above stories are true.  All of those above statements are completely false in my love story.  Because I deliberately created my own story.

Everything is just a story.  What you choose to believe in and accept is just a story that becomes your reality.  Have you ever had a fantasy or imagined something and really felt like you were living that experience even though it was just a story?  Yes, me too. Because the truth is that your subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is imagined.  And as you imagine, so goes your life.

So I say – get thee to writing a new story!  A story that is exactly what you desire in your love life.  A story that makes you feel good and beautiful and loved like the amazing being that you are.

Here’s an exercise for you:  Write your love story down as “a day in the life with my soul mate” from the moment you wake up together until the moment you fall asleep.  Forget about the grammar, spelling, literary merit, or whatever; just write what comes to you.  What things are you saying to each other?  How do you speak to each other?  What things is your soul mate doing?  What activities are you doing?  What is your life like with him?  How do you feel? 

There are just two rules for this new story to be effective:

1)    It must be believable for you.  Save the epic drama for your bestseller, instead write it as the life you can really see yourself living.

2)    It must feel good to you.  If it doesn’t feel good, it’s not your true story.  It’s perfectly okay to write several stories before you get to one that feels just right.  Sometimes it takes time getting used to the idea of a new story.

When you’ve got your story down just that way that you want it, it feels true to you and it feels good – then read it twice a day.  First thing in the morning and right before you go to bed, as those are the two times of the day your brain is most receptive.

Notice how you feel when you read it over time and how it becomes more and more believable to you.  Notice how you begin to see evidence of your story around you, maybe in other couples in your life.  Notice how you realize you will no longer accept anything less than this story again.  Notice how you start to trust that the Universe is arranging for this very story to come to you into physical form very soon.  What else do you notice?

Did you write your new story?  How did you feel reading it?  As always I’d love to read your comments below.

If you need guidance re-writing your story I’m happy to offer you a free 30-minute clarity session.  Just contact me at dinarobisoncoaching at gmail dot com.

Love & Light,

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Can You Deliberately Attract Your Soul Mate Dating Online?

145943_9029The room lighting is dim but there are different color lights.  Flashing.  There are faces, many faces around, but you can’t help but be drawn to just him.  His eyes.  Oh, those eyes!  Locked with yours.  And in that moment you just knew he was the one.  And you were his one.  In that moment.  That moment that you first locked eyes with him…on a computer screen amongst 15 other profiles that showed up in your search.  The lights flashing are ads popping up on the screen.  And he’s not even locking eyes with you but the camera lense that he held up himself to take his profile picture.

Is this the romantic way that you imagine meeting your soul mate?  For me, ech, no way.  As a woman, I can say this seems to be the least ideal way to meet the love of your life.  I used to tell myself, “There’s no way I’m meeting the love of my life online.  It just isn’t going to happen that way.”  And then, just a few months later I met the love of my life online and it happened just that way.  Turns out many other great couples met their partners online, too, and not just the people in the commercials.

The more I apply the law of attraction and universal laws in my life, coach women and delve into creating the Deliberate Attraction program I realize more and more that dating online is an ideal way to use deliberate attraction in action.  Here are a few reasons why I think it works so well:

You can learn a lot about him quickly from his profile – Being very clear on what you want in a relationship and in a partner is so important to attracting the right partner and what’s great about dating online is being able to screen a potential date’s pertinent information before investing time and energy into the connection.  Where does he live?  Is he looking for marriage?  Does he have kids or want kids?  What religion, if any, is he?  If you meet in a bar you may spend a lot of time flirting, having fun, enjoy the chemistry and getting emotionally invested and never get around to asking these things until way too late.  By dating online you can see if this person wants the same basic things and has the same basic values before investing your time, emotions and energy.

He can learn a lot about you quickly from your profile – Also, without spending time and energy into a relationship first, he can know if you’re right for him.  Yes, I used the best glamorous, pretty snapshot I could find and said fun things and such, but also I was completely honest about wanting a serious relationship and children someday.  I was even honest about being vegan and very spiritual.  Yep, I don’t eat burgers and I’m kinda woo woo.  Do you think that turned some men off?  Uh, definitely.  Are those men I would want to go out with?  No.  Your soul mate will be drawn to your desires, your values and who you truly are. 

It’s where the men are – The chances of me meeting a potential soul mate just randomly somewhere was very, very slim given that I didn’t go out to bars, that my job as a yoga instructor (yoga also being female dominated) took me from place to place for short amounts of time, and that, at that time, I didn’t belong to a church or any clubs.  Yes, I could have joined a club or went to a church but even then, the chances I would meet a single guy ready to settle down was still small.  So I asked, where do the most single men that are ready for a relationship hang out?  And the answer was online.  For some reason they don’t seem to mind it as much as women do and even like it, go figure.  I chose the site that statistically had the most men on it and that I heard from various real people had marriage success for them.  Thank God I did, as I met my husband about seven weeks later right before he was about to quit the site.  When you put your profile online you are telling the Universe that you are totally ready to meet your soul mate, and you are supported in achieving your desire.

Personally I believe dating online is a wonderful tool if you are deliberately attracting your soul mate.  And though it may not be the most romantic at first or the answer for everyone, I know that I’m very grateful to have listened to guidance telling me to sign up when I did.  I hope these three reasons help you re-frame your relationship with dating online.

Would you like some guidance while starting your online dating journey?  I’d love to offer you a free 30-minute clarity session to help you do it successfully, please contact me at dinarobisoncoaching at gmail dot com.

Love,

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Does the Idea of Love Feel Repellent To You?

For years when friends and family would ask about my love life I would cringe.  It always went something along the lines of, “You’re very attractive, why don’t you have a boyfriend?” or even, “You aren’t married YET?”  Yeah.  That was fun to hear.   The truth was that in my heart I really did want those things but something about the suggestion of a serious commitment just seemed repellant to me – and I continued to be repellant to serious commitment.

It wasn’t until I went inward and took my own journey to soul love that I realized I had a number of limiting beliefs about love that, in my mind, seemed to really, really be true but that were completely blocking me from being open to love.  How could I find the love I truly wanted while also maintaining negative beliefs about it?

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In time I discovered that the answer was not in trying to get rid of the beliefs but in changing them, or rather, RE-FRAMING them.  I was perfectly okay the way that I was.   Those beliefs that I took on as a young one were for my best good at the time, but it was time to transmute those beliefs into something that worked for the strong and loving adult I had become.  Actually once I got the hang of re-framing beliefs it was fun and very powerful in different areas of my life.

Here’s an example of how to re-frame a negative belief using a process similar to the Abraham-Hicks’ Law of Attraction method of Which Thought Feels Better:

Negative belief to change: Married people are unhappy.

Belief I would like to believe instead:  That I can be very happily married.

Starting from the original belief, reach for a phrase or thought that you totally believe right now in your body and soul that is closer to your end goal that the first belief, even if it’s just a tiny bit better.  The process can look something like this:

Married people are unhappy –> I know I have the power to change my thoughts –> I’ve had negative beliefs about certain things in the past that I now feel better about –> Some people do claim to be happy in their marriage –> I remember Mr. & Mrs. Johnson down the street when I was a kid, they seemed pretty happy –> Actually, I know a guy that talks about how much he loves his wife all the time –> There’s probably some more guys like him out there that are looking for a woman to love like that –> I’m glad that I’m still single so I can look forward to meeting such a guy!

See how it works?  This progression can be as quick as a few minutes or if the belief is really ingrained then it may take weeks or months of continually reaching for better beliefs.  Two things to keep in mind in order for this process to be effective, 1) the thoughts you reach for must truly be believable for you and, 2) the thoughts should be feeling better and better to you – your feelings are your guide and you want good ones!

I hope this process is helpful for you, please feel free to share your experience with me about using it.  What, if any, limiting beliefs are you willing to change to have the love you want?  As always, I’d love to read your comments below!

Tons of Love,

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Saying Yes to Your Vision

When I was single I lived in some kind of vast vague-land where any possible future vision of love would have been fine and figured I’d just know it when it happened.  I said to myself things like, “If the right man comes along then I might get married,” “I’ll just know him when I meet him,” and, “Maybe I’ll have kids, I’ll see when that time comes.”

The problem is that there isn’t anything closely resembling commitment in any of those statements.  I said and thought words like “if,” “maybe,” “when,” and “might.”  There wasn’t any decision on my part as to what I wanted and certainly no talk of wanting that NOW.  I might as well have just said, “I’m going to sit back right here, wait for my true love to saunter into my world and fall in love with me so hard that he will just tell me what HE wants and drag me along with him.”

And anyone that knows me knows that I’m a strong woman that doesn’t like to be told what to do let alone be dragged.  Oh no.  So, what the heck was my problem back then?  For many personal reasons (better saved for future posts) I lacked commitment. You know, the big C word that normally precedes being in a relationship?  When I realized this I wondered, “If I can’t commit to what I want then how can I commit to a partner and expect him to commit to me?”  So then I did the work on myself and got very clear about my real vision of love – to get married and start a family.  And I seriously committed to it.

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The result was that as my vision became crystal clear my thoughts, my dreams, my words, my actions, my friends, my social life, and my whole life became a reflection of my future love life.  In only a matter of months I did meet my husband to be.

If you’re unclear about what it is you want in love and you’re ready for something different than you have currently (where you’re at is totally okay, too, you being ready is most important), here are 3 steps you can take now to help you along:

1)    Make a list of all possible ways you can be in a love relationship: for example but not limited to – married, not married but living together, children or none, opposite or same sex (if that’s unclear for you, which is not uncommon), dating only, single and happy – anything that comes to you.  Then re-read your list and imagine each scenario as if it’s in your life now.  Honestly ask yourself, “Which one makes me feel the best?”  Circle the one or few of them that stood out to you.

2)    Write or imagine the story of this situation or situations.  It doesn’t matter if this is in your life now or not or how much you think you can have this or not.  For now, you’re just playing with your imagination.  How do you feel?  Are you happy here?  If it’s what you think you want but doesn’t feel good there might be some deeper work for you to do on limiting beliefs created by past experiences.  If one of them makes your heart sing then move on to…

3)    Commit to your vision of love in your life.  Write down and say out loud, “I commit to attracting (your vision story) into my life and living from this place now.”  Read or imagine your story and commitment as much as you can.  Tell friends and family.  Take actions that will bring you closer to your vision.

Committing to what I want in love and in other areas of my life has been a powerful force for growth and living my dreams.  I hope you’re enjoying your life in all aspects on this journey of love!

Now you’re turn – what commitments have you made in your life that brought you success?  Please leave comments below!

Lots of love,

Dina R.