Tag Archives: Fear

Negative Beliefs From Past Relationships and What To Do About It

Staying in past negative relationship stories and holding them as true can be one of the biggest stumbling blocks to attracting the love your soul truly desires now.  By holding firm to a past situation that was in a lower vibration, whether consciously or not, you’re actually are still attracting the energy and vibration of your old relationship.  So how do you get out of that old energy?

In an earlier post I talked about how important it is to re-write your story.  Like an author, just create in writing the story that you want now in your life.  It doesn’t mean that it has to be perfect or that you have to feel perfect about it yet, what’s important is that the intention is there.  The intention that your next relationship will not be like your past ones and will be exactly as you want it.  And that you’re willing to move on and accept the help you need to get you there.  Intention and willingness are powerful.

Do you ever find that when you have felt bad about something that it can actually inspire you to make a change to have something even better and more in alignment with who you really are?  Is there any situation in your life where you made a change like that, for example a job change?  Well, I have.  And I use those negative feelings of disappointment, rejection, or whatever it is to fuel what it is that I truly want.

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So in deliberate attraction I don’t encourage you to just get over or “let go” of those feelings about the past.  If you are able to do that like soon and fairly easily without any kind of lobotomy then awesome!  Do it.  But for most of us we know the past is done and it might take lifetimes to completely “let go” of something really painful.  Therefore, when deliberately attracting the love your soul desires it’s much more beneficial to transmute the negative energy, beliefs and feelings into energy, beliefs and feelings that serve you now.

What does that mean?  It can mean many things – changing your perspective about what happened, seeing another point of view, re-framing a negative belief, re-framing agreements you made to others or yourself, healing your own wounds and filling your own voids to name just a few ways.  You transmute energy any time you feel a shift or change in YOU.  Have you ever made a shift in your diet or health or stopped an addiction?  That’s what I mean by transmuting your energy.  You changed and there’s no going back.  Transmutation is where YOUR power lies because it begins and ends with you.

There are tons of methods you can use to assist you in transmuting energy and making shifts which might include but are not limited to coaching, counseling, therapy, support groups, inspirational books, journaling, meditation, prayer, healing modalities, singing, chanting, yoga, dancing and anything else you can think of that you feel feeds your soul.  The choice is yours.

Here are a couple of powerful questions to get you started.  It can be challenging to take a look at but one way to begin changing your perspective about a negative past relationship is to honestly ask yourself these questions.  You don’t have to have answers right away.  Just ask, either in writing or in prayer, and let guidance come to you naturally any time later.

What was I getting out of that situation? 

What part did I play in allowing that to happen? 

What did I learn from it? 

What will I do differently next time? 

“View other people’s actions as mirrors.  Discover what their behaviors are telling you about yourself…Change your relationships by changing yourself.”  From Sanaya Roman’s Soul Love

This isn’t about blaming or getting down on your self.  This is about taking ownership for the energy you’re putting out into the Universe in prior relationships and presently and consciously changing it.  And only you can do that.

This doesn’t mean it has to all happen overnight or that you have to do it alone.  I cannot recommend enough the power of finding support of some sort, either from a trusted friend or from a professional because an outside perspective can get you out of your own mind.

Be easy on yourself.  It’s totally okay to be feeling what you’re feeling.  Even if it’s negative right now it’s fueling your desire for change, for something positive in your life, and for the relationship of your dreams.  Then bring yourself back to what you want.  Always.  Gently remind yourself to go back to what you want.  Like training a muscle, you’ll find that it gets easier and you get stronger.

If you have any comments or questions about this that you’d like me to address in future blog posts please ask me at dinarobisoncoaching at gmail dot com.  My desire is that this gives you some food for thought and gets you on track to manifesting the love you want.

With Love & Joy,

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Romancing with Deliberate Attraction versus Default Attraction

What is deliberate attraction?  The name is a reference to the Abraham-Hicks materials on Law of Attraction where they talk about the Law of Deliberate Creation.  You can watch a brief video with Esther Hicks talking about creating deliberately here.  In short, when we are intending to deliberately attract something into our lives we must first come into the feeling, energy, vibration or alignment of what it is that we truly want by focusing on what we want.

For example, when I was younger I wanted a man to come into my life and love me dearly and want to marry me.  I thought if I waited around long enough it would happen eventually.  The thought alone of my desire was not enough to make it happen. Truthfully, it was so out of alignment with my energy back then for many reasons; the idea of marriage scared me, I was fearful of getting hurt, I didn’t trust someone to be there for me and love me, and my heart was closed to giving and receiving love.  As a result, the relationships I was attracting by default were based in fear and neediness, which was just a reflection of my own energy at that time.  It never ended well needless to say.

This kind of default attraction is what most of us do in life because we weren’t taught to deliberately create our reality as a child.  There’s a lot of media (books, movies, TV, and dating advice columns) that encourages romance by default – like the notion of falling in love by locking eyes across a crowded room.  For the record, I do not recommend choosing anything, especially your life partner, by default attraction.  Default attraction happens when you haven’t thought in advance what you want in a relationship (it’s so important to know that) or what you value and are just “waiting” for the right one to come along, when you’re physically attracted to someone and just go for it, or just accept being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t treat you the way you would like.

And please don’t feel bad if you’ve done this.  I operated this way for most of my life and we are literally encouraged to act this way by popular entertainment.  If you’re feeling bad about it then know that is just your higher self telling you that it’s time to change and attract deliberately!

So in deliberate attraction, we clarify want we want and get into the good feeling space (or energy, vibration, etc.) of what it is we do want – not what we’re afraid of happening.  This can happen quickly or may take more time depending on the amount of negative energy someone has around what they desire.  What is the result of deliberately attracting our soul mate instead of mating by default?

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From my own personal experience I can honestly tell you that when I took deliberate charge of my love life, these were the results:

I had clarity and KNEW the type of man I would end up with in advance

It took the mystery and guessing games out of dating

I felt in charge and confident going on dates

I never felt pressured to have sex

I didn’t play into or focus on the undesirable behavior of anyone around me

I could be honest about what I wanted with others

I didn’t waste time with men that weren’t in alignment with me

The men I did meet, whether there was interest or not, respected me and were very nice

After only seven weeks of dating online with deliberate intent, I met the love of my life

Dating him felt good and was joyful

He is exactly the kind of man I deliberately wanted to draw into my life

Though we aren’t perfect people :), our marriage feels great and wonderful every day

Living deliberately in this way is a choice we can make every day with decisions big and small, beginning with our thoughts and intentions.  As strong women in this day and age it’s more important than ever to choose our love based on good feelings and that’s in alignment with our highest self, or God or Spirit.  Our partner must support the best woman we are capable of being.  Looking back I can’t believe I ever accepted less than that and I hope no woman feels she has to settle for less again.

black-87853_1920 In my next post I’ll give you three ways that you can begin deliberately attracting the love you want now!

For now I’d love your comments – Which goals or achievements in your life do you feel you created deliberately?  How do you feel when you think of those things?

With my heart full of love,

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