Tag Archives: hookups

How Soon is Too Soon To Sleep Together When Dating?

She was an amazing woman and still felt obligated to sleep with men by the third date.

She was a client of mine earlier this year — gorgeous, intelligent, kind, with a prosperous and fulfilling career.  Yet she still didn’t think she had the option to wait to sleep with a guy until she was sure about him.

This broke my heart. It also breaks my heart because I know she’s far from the only one. And I remember my younger self buying into that as well.

So first let me just say this: you can sleep with a guy for the first time whenever you damn well please – be it the first date or on your honeymoon.

When he’s your soulmate, he will want it to be right for you.

So I felt inspired to tackle this topic and did some digging (ahem, Googling). I found out there’s been quite of bit of authoritative research about the optimal time to first hit the sack when dating for a serious relationship or marriage. 

In my latest blog post, When is the Right Time to Have Sex?, I share my client’s story and several pieces of scientific evidence that do say, yes, there is an ideal time for sleeping with someone you’re dating if seeking a lasting relationship. 

The results are fascinating, so check it out here.

Oh, and I know some of you are saying, “But my cousin slept with her husband on the first date and they’ve been happily married for 34 years!”

There are always exceptions to just about anything. But exceptions aren’t the rule or even the ideal. Check out what the research says about it here.

Happy holidays! May this season bring you many blessings and joy!

Can You Spot a Player When You’re Looking For Love?

Would You Know a Player If He Was Playing You?

All the time I get asked, “But Dina, how can I know if he’s just a player?”

Did you know that there’s an entire coaching industry out there that teaches ordinary men how to play “the game?”

Years ago I met a man who was learning this game, and he told me all about it. In a nutshell, it’s based on the idea that women can quickly fall for a man if he creates chemistry with her.

And there are a few learnable tricks that men (to be fair, perhaps not only men) use to artificially create feelings of chemistry in women BEFORE she’s had a chance to get to know him.

In other words, she’s falling for him without even knowing whether or not he’s a good person or a good match for her long-term.

And players aren’t always Hollywood handsome or professional athlete hot. Sometimes they look like computer geeks, and that’s their “in.”

So learn not to fall for it and send the players on their merry way so you can be available for real love instead.

In my latest blog post 10 Surefire Ways To Spot Players, I list 10 traits of the player that you will be able to spot immediately (most of them anyway) and what you can do as a deliberate dater to not waste another moment with one again.

Find out how to spot the players right here.