“I think the law of attraction has been misstated. You do not attract what you want. You attract what you are. That’s how the law of attraction works.” ~ Wayne Dyer
If you’ve been dating for a while and/or have had multiple relationships you may have noticed a similarity or two (or more) amongst the men you are attracting into your love life. It can be frustrating to say the least because at the beginning it may seem like this guy is totally and completely different than the last but as time goes on the same characteristics, and possibly the same annoyances, start to pop up.
I can relate. This was happening with me until one day I had enough and decided to get off that seemingly endless wheel of disappointment. I took a sabbatical from dating to figure out why I was attracting and was attracted to such similar men, and how to attract someone I could really build my life with.
There were three fundamental truths about attraction and the Law of Attraction that I came to know during this time that I hope can shed some light on this for you:
1) You are not a victim to whom you attract into your life. Attraction is a two way street – if you are attracting someone, it means you are also attracted to him. It is your attraction for each other that brings you together.
2) It’s essential that you bring your awareness to what you want to attract instead. If you are obsessing about the way things have been or could have been then energetically you’re still holding that in your life.
3) Like the Wayne Dyer quote above – your energy, vibration, beliefs, and being matches that of whom you’re attracting. Yep, it’s hard to admit or fathom, but it’s true. You are attracting the people into the life you do because of your own vibration. Now, this isn’t so you can blame yourself or anybody else as we all are doing the same thing all the time. But it’s a wonderful opportunity to become aware, learn and grow.
So now what do you do? Here’s what I did with much success and you can, too, to change this pattern:
1) Acknowledge how you were benefiting from attracting those guys into your life and acknowledge that you no longer need that benefit and that you are willing to change your self. Awareness is the first step to breaking a pattern.
2) Ask yourself, “What do I want instead?” Write down all of the qualities, values and traits that you would like to have in a partner instead. Also, write down the qualities, values and traits that you would like in your ideal relationship. If you can’t help but think of an icky trait of an ex, then just write down what the opposite of that trait is. Do this until you have a clear picture of the type of person you intend to attract from now on.
3) Grow your Self, “change” what you Are. Yes, be your Self but until you are a match for the type of person you really want in your life, you will keep attracting what you attracted before. With deliberate attraction this is more about revealing your authentic Self rather than simply changing or acting differently. A couple of questions to get your started – ask yourself, “What kind of woman do I need to be to attract and be in a relationship with this type of man?” and, “What do I need to believe in order to attract and be with this type of man?” Your answers will give you a lot of direction for where you want to be and need to be before you enter in to your next relationship.
This can be a painfully truthful yet very liberating process to go through. However, if you really want to deliberately attract your ideal partner it is essential to take these steps before beginning the dating process again to avoid getting into the same relationship with the same type of guy. When your energy has changed to match the person and relationship you truly desire you cannot help but attract the right man to you!
I hope you find this inspiring and helpful. I’d love to read your comments, so please leave them below! And if you enjoyed this article and resonate with the message please share with the social media buttons below.
Love & Light,