One of the main reasons I was inspired to coach and teach women about attracting a soul mate deliberately is because after my journey – including two years of not dating, about nine months of deliberately attracting, then meeting and marrying my soul mate – I discovered that all the things that worked for me was the complete and total opposite of what mainstream dating advice (from media, articles and even well meaning friends) was suggesting to the masses.
I’ve heard just outright poor advice from well-known coaches via television, podcasts and articles and from friends and acquaintances that buy into that belief system about dating and love. Fortunately, by the age of 35 I was connected enough to my own soul to know what was right for me in attracting the man that I would love and adore (and that would love and adore me!)
Of course, as a coach and human being, I cannot tell you or anyone else what is best for you and your soul mate in love. When it comes to what you’re looking for in your partner, how you want to express love with your soul mate, what time is right to be intimate together, how often you see each other, how often you communicate and etc. – you have to do what is right for you at the highest level. I certainly had my own preferences that worked perfectly for me, but you must decide what is best for you.
However, if you intend to attract your soul mate and a relationship that is joyous and fulfilling, you should absolutely enter the relationship from day one with the end desire in mind – for you and your partnership. That is what deliberate attraction is all about.
And these 6 pieces of dating advice that I actually heard or read at some point, well, just plain suck if you want to deliberately attract. Here they are:
1) Just jump in. – As a coach I understand the benefit of just getting out of one’s head and taking the next step but whoa, hold on. Are you really ready to date at this time? Are you clear about what you want in your life and with a partner? Are you clear of any limiting beliefs or negative patterns that will draw the wrong partner to you? And most importantly, is your last relationship fully completed? If any of these questions are NO, it’s crucial to take the time to figure things out before jumping in.
2) Don’t ask a guy where it’s going too soon. – You can read my post about how to know where your relationship is going for more, but in a nutshell; with deliberate attraction you don’t date unless you know where you’re going and what your intention is. That doesn’t mean every first date will potentially be the one – but that you choose your dates based on whether they have the same values as you, including where they want a relationship to go, in which case you’ll never have to ask. If you’re dating someone who doesn’t want to go the same place as you do, you aren’t attracting deliberately.
3) How to flirt text. – I just saw this recently on a site for a very popular and mainstream women’s magazine. My palm went right to my face. Yep, I used to play these games thinking it would turn into something more. All I got was guys that just wanted to flirt text. Instead ask your self, what kind of person would be attracted to text flirting when we’re dating? If that isn’t the kind of person you see yourself sharing your life with, ditch the games.
4) It’s all a numbers game. – You know what’s a numbers game? The lottery. According to Ronald Wasserstein in his article on the Huffington Post your chances of winning the Powerball is 1 in over 175 million. Don’t you think that your chances of attracting and being in the relationship of your dreams is just a bit better than that? Well, I do. Especially when you’re deliberately attracting. If you’re playing it like a lottery (which also affirms to the Universe you believe your chances to be low, so I don’t suggest that) and going out on random dates without being clear, the chances are much lower it will be successful, and it will get frustrating. With deliberate attraction you actually go on much fewer dates but are very intentional about whom you invest your time with.
5) When you’re making out on a first date… – I actually heard a well-known dating coach suggesting this on an online free love summit a few years ago. He was saying to women to go ahead and have fun, make out, but don’t sleep with him and be sure to tell him that you don’t do that until you’re in a committed relationship. Omg and wtf and all the other initial combos that are out there for whacked out stuff to suggest! I’ve read that supposedly when you exchange any kind of DNA with another person (including just saliva) you’re exchanging parts of your soul. Your soul. Even if you don’t believe that, just think about the physical and emotional investment you’re making in a heavy make out session and on a first date rarely will you know this person is your soul mate. Again ask yourself, what kind of person would be attracted to this behavior? Would my soul mate do this and want me to be doing this? If the answer is no, then no make out…yet.
6) You have to date first to really know what you want. – This is along the lines of jumping in and it being a numbers game. It suggests that you can figure things out along the way and that the more you do it the clearer you become. Actually, I think it’s the opposite – the more you date unsuccessfully the cloudier and more negative things become. The deliberate way of going about it would be by being mindful of your time, emotional investment, your heart, your positive energy level and to be just as mindful of that for everyone else you meet. The clearer you are before you begin the dating process the more successful your dates and the relationship you find will be.
I hope this clarified how deliberate soul mate attraction is different and can be so much more productive than mainstream dating advice. Also I hope it inspired you to really connect first with your soul and your highest desire for a relationship.
What dating advice have you received that wasn’t helpful for you? I’d love to know, please comment or contact me at dinarobisoncoaching at gmail dot com.