Tag Archives: life coaching

How the Couples You See in Entertainment Affect the Relationship You Attract

A few weeks ago a friend mentioned to me that when she was a child watching the Flintstones, for some reason, made her sad.  At first, I thought, that’s strange.  Then she explained it’s because it always felt really intense to her, like everyone was mad at each other all of the time.  Then I remembered that the Flintstones was the children’s equivalent to The Honeymooners.  You know the – “One of these days, POW right in the kisser!” – Honeymooners.  It makes perfect sense why the Flintstones would be sad for a child to see, and the Honeymooners sad for adults to see.

Over the years there have been countless sitcoms, films and even cartoons (!!) depicting couples as constantly bickering, complaining about and fighting with each other.  Over the decades the fighting has evolved from threats of physical violence, to hysteric yelling, to nasty insults, and to now what seems to be childish rants against each other.  I rarely watch television anymore but recently I watched a comedy show about a married couple only because a friend of mine was guest starring on it, unfortunately not until the very end.  It was the last time I would watch it because the main stars (who I like as performers) were constantly hurling mean insults back and forth like 3rd graders (really mean ones that is) at a playground…for the duration.  Somehow this is supposed to be funny.

As a kid that watched a lot of television growing up, I actually believed this to be the norm – which reminds me of Norm on Cheers, another man always displeased with his wife.  These fictional characters were a big part of my energetic influence and I unknowingly took on the belief that men and women cannot be happy in marriage, or together at all.  I took on the belief that men and women that cared about each other showed it by fighting with each other and insulting each other.  Those beliefs resulted in my early relationships centering on verbal abuse and fighting.

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Of course we can say that it’s just TV or a movie, it isn’t real, but doesn’t our mainstream entertainment “normalize” what we see?  Everything is energy, so if we aren’t conscious can’t we easily take on the energy of our favorite entertainment?  Similarly to what I mentioned in the posts about male and female characters, the character of the “couple” in media has gotten further and further away from the soul mate relationship that I, and I assume you if you’re reading this, want to be in.

So what can you do?  Ask yourself what do you really want your relationship to be like?  Not what you think you can or cannot have based on what you see, but what do you really want?  Write it down.  Talk it out with a friend.  If you’re a creative type, write a story or a script on it. 

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What else is helpful to raise your energy to that of the relationship you desire?  Change the channel.  Shut off the TV.  Seek out media with couples that are like the soul mate relationship you want to have (recently I enjoyed Date Night and Up).  Support those that are making the kind of entertainment that is positively feeding your soul and your partnership. 

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There is a new paradigm for our partnerships that is coming forward now to be the norm.  It isn’t that of our parents and grandparents who largely depended on each other in marriage.  New partnerships are based on mutual respect, support, interdependence and love.  Our partnership supports our spiritual growth individually and as a couple.  I’ll even be so bold as to say this partnership supports the evolution of the collective consciousness and the entire planet. 

The sooner that kind of partnership can be reflected in our entertainment, the sooner it can be reflected in partnerships across the globe.

What is your favorite couple in entertainment?  I’m always on the look out for positive and uplifting shows to watch, so please let me know.

With Love,

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6 Pieces of Popular Dating Advice to Not Take If You Want to Attract Your Soul Mate

One of the main reasons I was inspired to coach and teach women about attracting a soul mate deliberately is because after my journey – including two years of not dating, about nine months of deliberately attracting, then meeting and marrying my soul mate – I discovered that all the things that worked for me was the complete and total opposite of what mainstream dating advice (from media, articles and even well meaning friends) was suggesting to the masses.

I’ve heard just outright poor advice from well-known coaches via television, podcasts and articles and from friends and acquaintances that buy into that belief system about dating and love.  Fortunately, by the age of 35 I was connected enough to my own soul to know what was right for me in attracting the man that I would love and adore (and that would love and adore me!)

Of course, as a coach and human being, I cannot tell you or anyone else what is best for you and your soul mate in love.  When it comes to what you’re looking for in your partner, how you want to express love with your soul mate, what time is right to be intimate together, how often you see each other, how often you communicate and etc. – you have to do what is right for you at the highest level.  I certainly had my own preferences that worked perfectly for me, but you must decide what is best for you.

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However, if you intend to attract your soul mate and a relationship that is joyous and fulfilling, you should absolutely enter the relationship from day one with the end desire in mind – for you and your partnership.  That is what deliberate attraction is all about.

And these 6 pieces of dating advice that I actually heard or read at some point, well, just plain suck if you want to deliberately attract.  Here they are:

1) Just jump in. – As a coach I understand the benefit of just getting out of one’s head and taking the next step but whoa, hold on.  Are you really ready to date at this time?  Are you clear about what you want in your life and with a partner?  Are you clear of any limiting beliefs or negative patterns that will draw the wrong partner to you?  And most importantly, is your last relationship fully completed?  If any of these questions are NO, it’s crucial to take the time to figure things out before jumping in.

2) Don’t ask a guy where it’s going too soon. You can read my post about how to know where your relationship is going for more, but in a nutshell; with deliberate attraction you don’t date unless you know where you’re going and what your intention is.  That doesn’t mean every first date will potentially be the one – but that you choose your dates based on whether they have the same values as you, including where they want a relationship to go, in which case you’ll never have to ask.  If you’re dating someone who doesn’t want to go the same place as you do, you aren’t attracting deliberately.

3) How to flirt text.  – I just saw this recently on a site for a very popular and mainstream women’s magazine.  My palm went right to my face.  Yep, I used to play these games thinking it would turn into something more.  All I got was guys that just wanted to flirt text.  Instead ask your self, what kind of person would be attracted to text flirting when we’re dating?  If that isn’t the kind of person you see yourself sharing your life with, ditch the games.

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4) It’s all a numbers game. – You know what’s a numbers game?  The lottery.  According to Ronald Wasserstein in his article on the Huffington Post your chances of winning the Powerball is 1 in over 175 million.  Don’t you think that your chances of attracting and being in the relationship of your dreams is just a bit better than that?  Well, I do.  Especially when you’re deliberately attracting.  If you’re playing it like a lottery (which also affirms to the Universe you believe your chances to be low, so I don’t suggest that) and going out on random dates without being clear, the chances are much lower it will be successful, and it will get frustrating.  With deliberate attraction you actually go on much fewer dates but are very intentional about whom you invest your time with.

5) When you’re making out on a first date… – I actually heard a well-known dating coach suggesting this on an online free love summit a few years ago.  He was saying to women to go ahead and have fun, make out, but don’t sleep with him and be sure to tell him that you don’t do that until you’re in a committed relationship. Omg and wtf and all the other initial combos that are out there for whacked out stuff to suggest!  I’ve read that supposedly when you exchange any kind of DNA with another person (including just saliva) you’re exchanging parts of your soul.  Your soul.  Even if you don’t believe that, just think about the physical and emotional investment you’re making in a heavy make out session and on a first date rarely will you know this person is your soul mate.  Again ask yourself, what kind of person would be attracted to this behavior?  Would my soul mate do this and want me to be doing this?  If the answer is no, then no make out…yet.

6) You have to date first to really know what you want. – This is along the lines of jumping in and it being a numbers game.  It suggests that you can figure things out along the way and that the more you do it the clearer you become.  Actually, I think it’s the opposite – the more you date unsuccessfully the cloudier and more negative things become.  The deliberate way of going about it would be by being mindful of your time, emotional investment, your heart, your positive energy level and to be just as mindful of that for everyone else you meet.  The clearer you are before you begin the dating process the more successful your dates and the relationship you find will be.

I hope this clarified how deliberate soul mate attraction is different and can be so much more productive than mainstream dating advice.  Also I hope it inspired you to really connect first with your soul and your highest desire for a relationship.

What dating advice have you received that wasn’t helpful for you?  I’d love to know, please comment or contact me at dinarobisoncoaching at gmail dot com.

With Love,

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How Women You See in Entertainment Affects Your Energy and Whom You Attract

In 2005 I went to see a movie (I just realized this is my third post in a row beginning like this) that was a big budget, action/fantasy based on a graphic novel.  There’s something about seeing a movie in the theater, super-sized on the screen with full surround sound that makes is so effective and, well, real.

Unfortunately in this film targeted to young males, the women were not represented in a very encouraging way.  All the female characters, except one, were prostitutes or a stripper that appeared between the ages of 18 to 25.  The one female character that wasn’t a prostitute was a cop (encouraging)…and she bared her breasts (not encouraging).  All the male characters (also killer/assassin types) appeared between the ages of 40 and 50 and were very grungy looking types compared to the innocent prettiness of the females.

Watching this film was, surprisingly, the first time it really hit me that women are sadly misrepresented in popular entertainment and that I really felt the negativity and heaviness of the women in that film.  It was the first time a film affected me energetically like that.  Over the years I’ve noticed more and more how women are portrayed grossly…

Sassy, independent gals that sleep with guy after guy in just about every episode in an effort to find true love. The beautiful super heroine who kills without blinking but says that love is for children.  The romantic prostitute that finds her prince charming after he hires her for her services.  I’ll stop here, you get the picture.  And I haven’t watched very much popular entertainment in the last few years – currently there are more and more romantic comedies featuring the female lead as only wanting something casual, love not coming in to the equation until the very end.

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In these instances, and in many other examples in entertainment, females are represented as being only worthwhile for sexual pleasure or violence and being totally heartless.  And being that watching entertainment can be such a powerful experience, these images can really affect the energy of viewers.  Myself and a lot of women have at some point taken on, unknowingly, the energy and traits of these types of characters.

** On a side note, if you think I’m exaggerating I recently attended a talk about sex trafficking and the speaker, who works with rehabilitating girls after prostitution, said that many of the girls actually believe the Pretty Woman fantasy that they will meet their rich, prince Charming that way.

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So how does all of this affect you, who wants to attract and meet the love of your life?  Well, if you take on the energy of the entertainment you watch it may affect you (along with watching male characters) by energetically changing the way you show up in your relationships with men.  Some instances based on the examples above: taking on an overly sexual energy before establishing love in a relationship, behaving cold in an effort to be more appealing, or basically being a doormat in the name of love while the desired guy finally decides he wants to be with you.  This kind of energy can create an imbalance- too strong of masculine characteristics with very little feminine.  A divine female has a balance of both the masculine and the feminine.  She’s strong but has an open, loving heart.

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What kind of energy do you want in your long-term partnership?  Do you want to be anything other than your self in your relationship?  How do you want to be and be loved in your relationship?

As with male characters – find examples of females that are like how you want to be in love and life.  Look for the energy of a woman that is balanced in both her feminine and masculine traits.  She’s strong in the positive difference she’s making in the world but has an open heart to fully love her man and her family unconditionally.  Look for women that are where you want to be, and take on their energy!

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Who are you favorite, inspiring female characters in entertainment?  I’m always looking for good recommendations for uplifting movies or television shows, so please let me know if you got any.

Next week, my last article on this topic – the couples we see in entertainment and how that affects our relationships.

With Love,

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How To Attract and Enter a Partnership That is Complete

I remember watching Jerry Maguire in the theater when it was first released and after a few hours of what was a very intriguing and fun movie getting to the tearful, romantic ending where he blurts out the words, “You complete me.”  A phrase that would be repeated, replayed, misused, and misunderstood – along with “Show me the money!” – for at least another seventeen years.

It could have been my jaded self at the time but that ending felt anything but romantic to me.  This guy hardly pays any attention to this woman who’s head over heels in love with him and is working her butt off to help him all the time and yet at the end he comes back to her because he needs her to complete him?  Um, that sounds co-dependent and/or desperate to me.  Dude, complete yourself first then call me.  Maybe.

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(I just thought this picture was trippy!)

As down as I was on Jerry, over the years as my awareness grew I noticed that I, too, searched for some kind of unknown completion in everything external – relationships, teaching yoga, pursuit of an acting career, even my old yoga podcast Get Exercised Love, approval, praise, affection, and gratitude were just a few of the things I wanted from the outside.

Harville Hendrix describes this in his book Keeping the Love You Find, in which he says most of us have unconscious wounds that we received in childhood in relation to our primary caregivers and seek to fill, or complete, these wounds in our love relationships and even elsewhere.  (In my words now, not Harville’s) This incompleteness is the stuff addictions are made of because if we can’t get them fulfilled in our partnerships (and we can’t) then we might turn to something that makes us feel good and forget.  If you want to read about wounds and the types of partners you attract based on your wounds then I recommend his book.

If you want to use the Law of Attraction effectively, move on with your life and find the love you’ve always wanted – then I suggest healing/completing your wounds your self.  Once you realize and acknowledge what the wound is for you, I don’t think it’s important or helpful to relive the details about it endlessly. What you focus on expands, if you focus on the wound then that experience expands.  So what is it that you do want instead of the wound?

As an example, let’s use love.  Say you didn’t get a fulfilling amount of love from one or both of your primary caregivers and you find that in your relationship you don’t feel loved by your partner.  It’s your wound from the past and your partner (actually any partner so it doesn’t do any good to run off to someone else) can never give you enough love to fill the void you felt as a child.  Wounds can never be filled externally.  Also, how you feel is what you will receive, so if you feel incomplete, unloved, etc. what you receive will be incomplete, unloved, etc.

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So again, what it is that you do want?  Love.  How can you have that love now?  How can you be the vibration of love now so you attract that love to you?  You must give yourself the very thing that you seek externally.  If love is what you seek, vow to yourself now to love yourself.  “From this moment on I vow to fully love (or whatever it is that you want) myself.”  What loving things can you say and do for your self? 

That’s just one example but it’s the same for affection, joy, fun, abundance, praise, etc.  If you want something from others, you must first establish that in your self.

I cannot begin to tell you how much healing my own wounds changed my entire life.  Not only did I attract a loving man who gives me approval, affection, praise, and gratitude daily – I no longer sought it externally because I felt complete.  Now I can focus my attention entirely on loving my husband and serving my clients.  I no longer felt the need to pursue an elusive acting career (when I took the need for approval out of the equation I didn’t enjoy it nearly as much as I thought, yikes!)  Basically, I’m happy and fulfilled.  Complete.

Is there anything that you seek to complete you?  What is it that you think a partnership will fulfill for you?  How can you give yourself those things now?

To attract the most fulfilling relationship that your soul desires – be the completed energy that you wish to receive.

With Love and Gratitude,

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How the Men You See in Entertainment Affects Whom You Attract & How to Change It

A few weeks ago I saw the #1 comedy in America in the theater, which I won’t bother to name.  It had a few funny moments and featured some talented actors – the point of this article isn’t to bash the movie, I knew what I was getting into.  But I left the theater feeling grossed out and sad about the vision of what it means to be a man that a movie like that sends to both female and male viewers.  This vision is of a man that does drugs (a LOT), plays video games all day, speaks in sexual innuendos (a LOT), and only mentions women in the context of pornography or rape – both of which are not funny in the slightest. 

This got me thinking about other prominent male characters in mass entertainment: the good looking but totally ruthless and emotionless assassin, the hunky player that “changes” for the girl next door, the mysterious super hero that fights and kills bad guys who usually likes a girl but he can never be around, the “messed up” guy that’s getting over his issues, and the profanity blazing and drug using but lovable oaf type (he also might change for a girl). 

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Everything is energy.  What we see, hear, taste, touch, smell, and sense is energy that we are taking in and that is affecting our thoughts and beliefs.  Our thoughts and beliefs affect our feelings, which then affects what energy we are being/living and radiating out.  Because the law of attraction is always working that energy brings to us in our physical world things that match that energy.  Do you see where I’m going with this?

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So if you continuously see images of men in entertainment (and I love going to the movies, too, so this was a challenge for me) that are mean, violent, crude, sick, a total player, and downright disrespectful to women – and most popular movies nowadays feature such men – then it will affect your thoughts, beliefs, feelings and energy towards men and relationships.  But you have the choice to believe and think what you want about men and relationships.

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So what can you do? 

1) Look for images of men that represent the type of man you would want to marry.  The type of man that you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with.  The type of man that cares about you and cares about the world.  The type of man that loves children and would never hurt anyone.  Okay, I’ll move on before I get too excited myself here….

What qualities do you want in YOUR man? 

2) Focus your attention on those qualities as you find evidence of them.  Notice men like him in movies, books, pictures, and in real life, of course.  What you focus on expands. 

How do you want to feel in your relationship? 

3) Look for entertainment that gives you the good feelings you want in your life. Notice how you feel when you do watch a male character.  If it doesn’t feel good to you, recognize that it’s just entertainment and not reality.  Look for movies and shows featuring males with good qualities that you love.  My husband and I are always looking for more positive and uplifting movies and shows to watch, and more and more are being produced thanks to great organizations like the Global Alliance for Transformational Entertainment. 

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Don’t let someone else’s idea of entertainment define your relationship story.  You get to write your own story.  And if you come across any great movies or shows that are uplifting and positive, please let me know by commenting or at dinarobisoncoaching at gmail dot com.  I’m always on the look out for them!

Next week – How the Women You See in Entertainment Affects Whom You Attract 🙂  Until then…

With Love & Light,

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Six Hidden Forms of Resistance to Love and More on Allowing

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”- Rumi

Have you desired to have love in your life for a long time without seeing any evidence of it?  In the prior post I talk about what you can focus on doing now while trusting and allowing it to happen.  But there’s another aspect to this dilemma – the unconscious and/or subconscious resistance, or blocks, or barriers to love.

With deliberate attraction before you focus on manifesting your soul mate, it’s important to become aware of and release these blocks to love.  If we manifest a mate from a place of this resistance then the mate will likely have as much of this resistance, even if it shows in different ways.

I experienced this when I was dating.  I didn’t get why I kept attracting men that were emotionally unavailable and didn’t want to commit.  When I realized that those same qualities were in me, I stopped dating for a while to find and release my resistance.

There was something interesting I observed around that time: that men and women that really desired to have a girlfriend or boyfriend got one, those that wanted to get married got married, those that wanted to play the field did just that.  The same was true for people that wanted to become lawyers, start a business, make 6 figures, or whatever.  It seemed to me that when all resistance was dropped and someone really desired something enough, it happened.  And quickly.  Hmmm, I thought that was interesting.

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So I concluded that the desire, wish, or intention is the seed that you plant but then one must cease blocking it from happening with any unconscious or subconscious resistance.  Then take actions from that completely open, non-resistant space.

So, here are some hidden forms of resistance that can block you from the love you really want:

– Clinging to old ways of thinking about dating and love that don’t work for you anymore.

– Relying on and insisting that “chemistry” must be present first before getting to know someone.

– Waiting for someone to love you, trust you, value you, commit to you without giving your self those things first.

– Saying you want something now other than what you want long term.

– Grasping tightly on to an impossible, or any, fantasy about love.

– Habitually doing distracting and/or addictive things that block the feeling of love. (i.e., substance abuse, over-working, flirting mindlessly, or many other things prevalent in our society – you name it.)

At some point I had all of the above barriers to love and just classified them as normal and acceptable, which is why I call them “hidden.”  It was only when I was willing to, like Rumi says, seek and find all the barriers I had built against love and completely drop them that love came in to my life within months.

Do you have any of these or other hidden forms of resistance or barriers to love?  Are you willing to change those beliefs into something that resonates with your heart and soul now, or drop it completely?

It’s totally possible with your intention and your desire.  I’ve done it and if I can drop all of those barriers I built up against love then I know you can, too.

Openly and With Love,

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What If Your Soul Mate Hasn’t Come Along and What To Do Now

Recently on my blog and in social media I’ve been seeing women post about the dilemma of really wanting to attract their soul mate, doing a lot of various manifesting work in that area, and then becoming very disappointed when their soul mate doesn’t appear in their life.  Yes, I totally agree that it’s heartbreaking to really want something and not have it pan out the way I wanted it to.

There could be countless reasons as to why this might be which may include but are not limited to:

The time isn’t ideal right now.

Your inner vibration is not up to speed with the vibration of what you’re wanting to attract into your life.

You may be ready but your soul mate may not be.

You might have limiting beliefs still overriding your belief in receiving your desire.

You may not fully trust that it’s going to happen.

Unbeknownst to you – you might not be allowing it to come into your life.

Your desire for a mate might be coming from a covetous, lower vibration that may not be in your highest interest.

And other countless possibilities.

All of these applied to me at some point in my journey for love.  Go inside and ask yourself – what is the reason my love hasn’t manifested in my physical life yet?  It’s nice to acknowledge and understand the reasons but that isn’t the most important part, which is…

To then get on with your life.  Remember the soul qualities and values I talked about in my last post on deliberate attraction?  Live in that place now.  Live the life that you want to share with your soul mate even though he isn’t here with you physically yet.  That is trust – truly knowing and believing that you will have your desire before it is physically present in your life.

Those last few months right before I met my husband I clearly recall shifting into that zone of trust and allowing.  I had no doubt in my mind that I would meet him very soon.  I took actions, like joining an online dating site, but was relaxed about the result.  Even if I didn’t meet him soon it was okay because I was enjoying my life anyway.  The desire to meet him and knowing I would was still very much there but I didn’t need to meet him to be living the life I wanted.  Does that make sense?  Are you willing to make that shift, too?

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So what can you do now in your life that will nurture your soul qualities?  What can you do now that represents your highest values?  What can you do now that feeds your personality and energy?  What physical actions can you take that is in alignment with these qualities? 

I hope you find this to be helpful and maybe a little fun, too.  As Abraham-Hicks always gently reminds their readers, we are too serious and need to just have more fun on this journey!

As always I’d love to read to your thoughts and appreciate your comments.

Always Love,

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