Ever find yourself dating a chameleon – a guy who says he’s serious then isn’t? Check out my latest post about that here: http://dinarobison.com/can-tell-date-wearing-disguise/
“I think the law of attraction has been misstated. You do not attract what you want. You attract what you are. That’s how the law of attraction works.” ~ Wayne Dyer
If you’ve been dating for a while and/or have had multiple relationships you may have noticed a similarity or two (or more) amongst the men you are attracting into your love life. It can be frustrating to say the least because at the beginning it may seem like this guy is totally and completely different than the last but as time goes on the same characteristics, and possibly the same annoyances, start to pop up.
I can relate. This was happening with me until one day I had enough and decided to get off that seemingly endless wheel of disappointment. I took a sabbatical from dating to figure out why I was attracting and was attracted to such similar men, and how to attract someone I could really build my life with.
There were three fundamental truths about attraction and the Law of Attraction that I came to know during this time that I hope can shed some light on this for you:
1) You are not a victim to whom you attract into your life. Attraction is a two way street – if you are attracting someone, it means you are also attracted to him. It is your attraction for each other that brings you together.
2) It’s essential that you bring your awareness to what you want to attract instead. If you are obsessing about the way things have been or could have been then energetically you’re still holding that in your life.
3) Like the Wayne Dyer quote above – your energy, vibration, beliefs, and being matches that of whom you’re attracting. Yep, it’s hard to admit or fathom, but it’s true. You are attracting the people into the life you do because of your own vibration. Now, this isn’t so you can blame yourself or anybody else as we all are doing the same thing all the time. But it’s a wonderful opportunity to become aware, learn and grow.
So now what do you do? Here’s what I did with much success and you can, too, to change this pattern:
1) Acknowledge how you were benefiting from attracting those guys into your life and acknowledge that you no longer need that benefit and that you are willing to change your self. Awareness is the first step to breaking a pattern.
2) Ask yourself, “What do I want instead?” Write down all of the qualities, values and traits that you would like to have in a partner instead. Also, write down the qualities, values and traits that you would like in your ideal relationship. If you can’t help but think of an icky trait of an ex, then just write down what the opposite of that trait is. Do this until you have a clear picture of the type of person you intend to attract from now on.
3) Grow your Self, “change” what you Are. Yes, be your Self but until you are a match for the type of person you really want in your life, you will keep attracting what you attracted before. With deliberate attraction this is more about revealing your authentic Self rather than simply changing or acting differently. A couple of questions to get your started – ask yourself, “What kind of woman do I need to be to attract and be in a relationship with this type of man?” and, “What do I need to believe in order to attract and be with this type of man?” Your answers will give you a lot of direction for where you want to be and need to be before you enter in to your next relationship.
This can be a painfully truthful yet very liberating process to go through. However, if you really want to deliberately attract your ideal partner it is essential to take these steps before beginning the dating process again to avoid getting into the same relationship with the same type of guy. When your energy has changed to match the person and relationship you truly desire you cannot help but attract the right man to you!
I hope you find this inspiring and helpful. I’d love to read your comments, so please leave them below! And if you enjoyed this article and resonate with the message please share with the social media buttons below.
Love & Light,
- More on Why the Law of Attraction Doesn’t Seem to Work – To Love or To Avoid Pain (dinarobisoncoaching.wordpress.com)
- Hmmm… (ljtendotcom.wordpress.com)
- How the Men You See in Entertainment Affects Whom You Attract & How to Change It (dinarobisoncoaching.wordpress.com)
A few weeks ago I saw the #1 comedy in America in the theater, which I won’t bother to name. It had a few funny moments and featured some talented actors – the point of this article isn’t to bash the movie, I knew what I was getting into. But I left the theater feeling grossed out and sad about the vision of what it means to be a man that a movie like that sends to both female and male viewers. This vision is of a man that does drugs (a LOT), plays video games all day, speaks in sexual innuendos (a LOT), and only mentions women in the context of pornography or rape – both of which are not funny in the slightest.
This got me thinking about other prominent male characters in mass entertainment: the good looking but totally ruthless and emotionless assassin, the hunky player that “changes” for the girl next door, the mysterious super hero that fights and kills bad guys who usually likes a girl but he can never be around, the “messed up” guy that’s getting over his issues, and the profanity blazing and drug using but lovable oaf type (he also might change for a girl).
Everything is energy. What we see, hear, taste, touch, smell, and sense is energy that we are taking in and that is affecting our thoughts and beliefs. Our thoughts and beliefs affect our feelings, which then affects what energy we are being/living and radiating out. Because the law of attraction is always working that energy brings to us in our physical world things that match that energy. Do you see where I’m going with this?
So if you continuously see images of men in entertainment (and I love going to the movies, too, so this was a challenge for me) that are mean, violent, crude, sick, a total player, and downright disrespectful to women – and most popular movies nowadays feature such men – then it will affect your thoughts, beliefs, feelings and energy towards men and relationships. But you have the choice to believe and think what you want about men and relationships.
So what can you do?
1) Look for images of men that represent the type of man you would want to marry. The type of man that you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with. The type of man that cares about you and cares about the world. The type of man that loves children and would never hurt anyone. Okay, I’ll move on before I get too excited myself here….
What qualities do you want in YOUR man?
2) Focus your attention on those qualities as you find evidence of them. Notice men like him in movies, books, pictures, and in real life, of course. What you focus on expands.
How do you want to feel in your relationship?
3) Look for entertainment that gives you the good feelings you want in your life. Notice how you feel when you do watch a male character. If it doesn’t feel good to you, recognize that it’s just entertainment and not reality. Look for movies and shows featuring males with good qualities that you love. My husband and I are always looking for more positive and uplifting movies and shows to watch, and more and more are being produced thanks to great organizations like the Global Alliance for Transformational Entertainment.
Don’t let someone else’s idea of entertainment define your relationship story. You get to write your own story. And if you come across any great movies or shows that are uplifting and positive, please let me know by commenting or at dinarobisoncoaching at gmail dot com. I’m always on the look out for them!
Next week – How the Women You See in Entertainment Affects Whom You Attract 🙂 Until then…
With Love & Light,