Tag Archives: Partnership

When You Feel You’ve Met Your Soul Mate and He Doesn’t Feel the Same Way

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A reader of this blog and friend emailed me last week to tell me about her heartbreaking situation and asked me what my thoughts were about it.

In the email she detailed that she had a romance with a man that she felt was the one, her soul mate, and it had been going great for a while.  She felt he was in love with her as much as she was with him.  However, he was just coming off of a messy divorce and wasn’t ready for a deeper commitment at that time and they parted ways.  She respected where he was at and gave him space while waiting for him to come back when he was ready.  Long story short, he never did and is now in another relationship and engaged to be married.

As a woman who’s been in a similar situation let me just say first…ouch.  I’m so sorry for the heartbreak you are going through.  Myself and so many women I’ve known over the years have gone through something similar.  Please know your feelings are totally validated here and just allow yourself to feel them whatever they may be.

Regardless of what you’re going through now you won’t need to feel this way for very long.  There is a light at the end of this tunnel if you can allow the situation to be a learning and growth experience on the way to meeting  your real love.

First let me address the concept of Soul Mates.  I mean, what the heck is that anyway?  There are so many definitions and theories on this ranging from you only get one – to – you have tons of them including your first grade teacher.

I don’t really know for sure (to say the least because I’m not a channel, enlightened, and don’t have memories of my soul life before incarnating in this body as a squealing baby) – but what I’ve noticed in my life and my feeling is that we have soul mates in two major categories: 1) The long term life journey growth and expansion kind, and 2) The short term, smack you in the face, wake you up so you get on the right path to what you really should have kind.

So with that in mind…yes, this man could have been your soul mate.  But he was more likely a soul mate that helped you to re-direct your course onto the right path so you can meet your long-term, soul mate partner.  I lovingly think of my own last heartbreak (which I’m so thankful for now) as my “wake up call guy.”  Sounds like this guy was your wake up call guy.

Secondly, and the most important aspect to this I want to address here is the fact that he wasn’t sure about committing to you and you still felt he was the one.  This is not to judge you as I’ve been there, too, but this is an important part of the waking up process…

When all is said and done – as much as you may love someone if he doesn’t feel the same way about you is that good enough for you in your soul mate relationship?  I mean, does that really cut it?  Do you want to wake up every morning next to someone who had to really wait and think about whether he wanted to be with you when you were positively sure about him?  Do you want to affirm to the Universe or God or Source that that is as much as you deserve to be loved?

Yes, you may be head over heels in love with him but nevertheless I sincerely hope you answered NO to those questions.  If not then you have some work to do transmuting your limiting beliefs about your worth in love and relationships.

One of the most important steps to deliberately attracting your soul mate aside from finding the one you love, of course, is to be open and ready to receive love from the one that loves and feels the same way about you.  To love the one that loves you. When you’re attracting deliberately you’re not just attracting any guy that feels you’re his maybe when he’s ready – you’re attracting the one that is ready to drop everything and do anything to be with you and take vows with you at the altar and maybe even make mini versions of the two of you.

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Personally, after my wake up call guy I’ll be damned if I was going to settle for anything less that that.   And I don’t think any other woman should either.  I forget who said this originally but it was something to the effect of, “the Universe doesn’t take anything away from you unless it plans to give you something better.”

So what do you need to do, believe or have to be open and ready to receive that kind of devoted love?  What would it take for you to know you have that kind of love waiting for you just around the corner? 

Two days after I received that email I saw this quote from Jeff Brown of soulshaping.com which describes this perfectly:

“If one person doesn’t want the relationship, then it’s simply not a fit. No sense trying to figure out why we think they don’t want it. No sense blaming it on their commitment issues. No sense waiting around for them to realize they wanted it after all. And if they don’t want it, then we don’t want it, because we don’t want to be with someone who is not there for it fully. That’s the thing about a love relationship- it’s an agreement that has to be signed by both souls. If one doesn’t sign, then nothing has been lost. If it’s not a fit for them, it’s not a fit for us either.” Jeff Brown http://soulshaping.com/

I hope this inspires you to love the one that loves you.  How about you?  Have you had a wake up situation that re-directed you on to the right path or that made you truly realize your worth?  I’d love to read about it, please comment.

If you liked this article please like and share and all that good stuff!

Lots of Love & Light,

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How to Make Your Big WHY Attract Your Ideal Relationship and Serve Your Higher Purpose

Let’s be real.  You don’t need a man.  You don’t need to be married or in a relationship.  If there’s anything I hope you’ve gotten from my blog is that you are a whole, complete, and fulfilled woman just as you are.  The reality is that you don’t need anything other than being who you are and just showing up to your life every day.  In light of that you might be wondering why I joined the ranks of the married and am coaching women that want to do the same…

Because deliberate attraction is so much more than just attracting a partner.  Deliberate attraction acknowledges that as women in this time of evolving world consciousness our life’s mission, whether in a relationship or not, means having so much more impact on the world than it did thirty, fifty, or a hundred or more years ago.

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Last week I swore that I would not be another woman to quote this Dalai Lama statement but what the heck…

“The world will be saved by the western woman.”

This statement has set forth into motion thousands upon thousands of women (all over the world) coming forward in their relationships, businesses, and lives in a way that is bringing higher consciousness into everything we do individually and collectively.  What does that have to do with finding your soul mate?

One of the biggest impacts we women can have on the world begins with us, being our divine selves, in our homes, creating and nurturing partnerships and families based on spiritual and uplifting love; this divine love spreads from our families to our neighbors, our schools, our businesses, our governments and across the entire planet.  When this kind of love becomes the norm, or hits the tipping point, then all will truly be living peacefully and abundantly on this planet as we are meant to.

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As a woman, no, you do not need a man.  A man does not need a woman either.  In this day and age we are quite independent of each other and can survive wonderfully with out a partner.  I’ve been aware of this for years and actually used to get really embarrassed when people tried to set me up with someone or suggest I date or get married – at least for the reasons I figured they thought I should based on social expectation and need.  I always had a “big picture” outlook and thought there were bigger and more important things to do in the world; dating and relationships honestly didn’t seem that crucial to me.

It wasn’t until I was about 35 that I came into alignment with my big WHY – why I wanted to be in partnership with my soul mate and why it means so much to me for my soul’s purpose here.  Because that WHY was so meaningful to me, it inspired me to attract my partner and set the stage for the amazing, inspiring marriage I’m in now.

As intended when I first put forth why I wanted to marry my soul mate my marriage has helped me to grow in my capacity to love in ways where I was previously limited.  My partnership has also given me the support and space to further my purpose, or one of my purposes, here in this lifetime – helping the world to love more while loving myself more.  Also my spiritual practice has deepened and I’m enjoying life more fully than I had before by allowing my love to expand beyond myself.

Now that may not have anything to do with why you’re looking for a soul mate relationship.  But my point is that our desire for a relationship at this point in evolution has to be so much more than just having companionship, having children, and having reliable physical affection.  There is a new paradigm being called forth in love and your vision of an ideal relationship is leading the way to making the Dalai Lama’s statement about women saving the world a reality.

So then, what is your big WHY? 

Why are you being called forth now to have the partnership you’ve always wanted? 

What is the big picture reason for attracting and being with your soul mate? 

In what ways will you expand with the support of your soul mate?

What will your life be like in your ideal partnership?

How is your ideal partnership in alignment with your purpose here on the planet?

Your answers to these questions are the new, emerging paradigm for love and relationships.  And your vision of your partnership with your soul mate is changing the world for good.

Enjoy the journey but always be true to yourself and your big WHY.

Love and Peace,

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How the Couples You See in Entertainment Affect the Relationship You Attract

A few weeks ago a friend mentioned to me that when she was a child watching the Flintstones, for some reason, made her sad.  At first, I thought, that’s strange.  Then she explained it’s because it always felt really intense to her, like everyone was mad at each other all of the time.  Then I remembered that the Flintstones was the children’s equivalent to The Honeymooners.  You know the – “One of these days, POW right in the kisser!” – Honeymooners.  It makes perfect sense why the Flintstones would be sad for a child to see, and the Honeymooners sad for adults to see.

Over the years there have been countless sitcoms, films and even cartoons (!!) depicting couples as constantly bickering, complaining about and fighting with each other.  Over the decades the fighting has evolved from threats of physical violence, to hysteric yelling, to nasty insults, and to now what seems to be childish rants against each other.  I rarely watch television anymore but recently I watched a comedy show about a married couple only because a friend of mine was guest starring on it, unfortunately not until the very end.  It was the last time I would watch it because the main stars (who I like as performers) were constantly hurling mean insults back and forth like 3rd graders (really mean ones that is) at a playground…for the duration.  Somehow this is supposed to be funny.

As a kid that watched a lot of television growing up, I actually believed this to be the norm – which reminds me of Norm on Cheers, another man always displeased with his wife.  These fictional characters were a big part of my energetic influence and I unknowingly took on the belief that men and women cannot be happy in marriage, or together at all.  I took on the belief that men and women that cared about each other showed it by fighting with each other and insulting each other.  Those beliefs resulted in my early relationships centering on verbal abuse and fighting.

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Of course we can say that it’s just TV or a movie, it isn’t real, but doesn’t our mainstream entertainment “normalize” what we see?  Everything is energy, so if we aren’t conscious can’t we easily take on the energy of our favorite entertainment?  Similarly to what I mentioned in the posts about male and female characters, the character of the “couple” in media has gotten further and further away from the soul mate relationship that I, and I assume you if you’re reading this, want to be in.

So what can you do?  Ask yourself what do you really want your relationship to be like?  Not what you think you can or cannot have based on what you see, but what do you really want?  Write it down.  Talk it out with a friend.  If you’re a creative type, write a story or a script on it. 

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What else is helpful to raise your energy to that of the relationship you desire?  Change the channel.  Shut off the TV.  Seek out media with couples that are like the soul mate relationship you want to have (recently I enjoyed Date Night and Up).  Support those that are making the kind of entertainment that is positively feeding your soul and your partnership. 

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There is a new paradigm for our partnerships that is coming forward now to be the norm.  It isn’t that of our parents and grandparents who largely depended on each other in marriage.  New partnerships are based on mutual respect, support, interdependence and love.  Our partnership supports our spiritual growth individually and as a couple.  I’ll even be so bold as to say this partnership supports the evolution of the collective consciousness and the entire planet. 

The sooner that kind of partnership can be reflected in our entertainment, the sooner it can be reflected in partnerships across the globe.

What is your favorite couple in entertainment?  I’m always on the look out for positive and uplifting shows to watch, so please let me know.

With Love,

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How To Attract and Enter a Partnership That is Complete

I remember watching Jerry Maguire in the theater when it was first released and after a few hours of what was a very intriguing and fun movie getting to the tearful, romantic ending where he blurts out the words, “You complete me.”  A phrase that would be repeated, replayed, misused, and misunderstood – along with “Show me the money!” – for at least another seventeen years.

It could have been my jaded self at the time but that ending felt anything but romantic to me.  This guy hardly pays any attention to this woman who’s head over heels in love with him and is working her butt off to help him all the time and yet at the end he comes back to her because he needs her to complete him?  Um, that sounds co-dependent and/or desperate to me.  Dude, complete yourself first then call me.  Maybe.

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(I just thought this picture was trippy!)

As down as I was on Jerry, over the years as my awareness grew I noticed that I, too, searched for some kind of unknown completion in everything external – relationships, teaching yoga, pursuit of an acting career, even my old yoga podcast Get Exercised Love, approval, praise, affection, and gratitude were just a few of the things I wanted from the outside.

Harville Hendrix describes this in his book Keeping the Love You Find, in which he says most of us have unconscious wounds that we received in childhood in relation to our primary caregivers and seek to fill, or complete, these wounds in our love relationships and even elsewhere.  (In my words now, not Harville’s) This incompleteness is the stuff addictions are made of because if we can’t get them fulfilled in our partnerships (and we can’t) then we might turn to something that makes us feel good and forget.  If you want to read about wounds and the types of partners you attract based on your wounds then I recommend his book.

If you want to use the Law of Attraction effectively, move on with your life and find the love you’ve always wanted – then I suggest healing/completing your wounds your self.  Once you realize and acknowledge what the wound is for you, I don’t think it’s important or helpful to relive the details about it endlessly. What you focus on expands, if you focus on the wound then that experience expands.  So what is it that you do want instead of the wound?

As an example, let’s use love.  Say you didn’t get a fulfilling amount of love from one or both of your primary caregivers and you find that in your relationship you don’t feel loved by your partner.  It’s your wound from the past and your partner (actually any partner so it doesn’t do any good to run off to someone else) can never give you enough love to fill the void you felt as a child.  Wounds can never be filled externally.  Also, how you feel is what you will receive, so if you feel incomplete, unloved, etc. what you receive will be incomplete, unloved, etc.

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So again, what it is that you do want?  Love.  How can you have that love now?  How can you be the vibration of love now so you attract that love to you?  You must give yourself the very thing that you seek externally.  If love is what you seek, vow to yourself now to love yourself.  “From this moment on I vow to fully love (or whatever it is that you want) myself.”  What loving things can you say and do for your self? 

That’s just one example but it’s the same for affection, joy, fun, abundance, praise, etc.  If you want something from others, you must first establish that in your self.

I cannot begin to tell you how much healing my own wounds changed my entire life.  Not only did I attract a loving man who gives me approval, affection, praise, and gratitude daily – I no longer sought it externally because I felt complete.  Now I can focus my attention entirely on loving my husband and serving my clients.  I no longer felt the need to pursue an elusive acting career (when I took the need for approval out of the equation I didn’t enjoy it nearly as much as I thought, yikes!)  Basically, I’m happy and fulfilled.  Complete.

Is there anything that you seek to complete you?  What is it that you think a partnership will fulfill for you?  How can you give yourself those things now?

To attract the most fulfilling relationship that your soul desires – be the completed energy that you wish to receive.

With Love and Gratitude,

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Three Questions to Begin Deliberately Attracting Your Soul Mate

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In the last post I wrote about the difference between the common default attraction versus deliberately attracting your soul mate.  The fun part now is the process of, in Abraham-Hicks words, deliberately creating your ideal partnership.  I say it’s fun because it can be like a game where you allow your imagination to roam free.  Actually the better you feel and more excited you get and the more fun you have about achieving your ideal desire, the quicker the manifestation is likely to occur.  Always keep in mind what Rumi said, “What you seek is seeking you.”  If you’re having fun and feeling good then that will seek you, too!

Here are three questions and steps to get you started on your journey:

1)    What is it that you really want in an ideal partnership?

Get precisely clear on what you want the nature of the relationship to be (like married or unmarried but living together, children or not), the type of partner you want to be with, and how you see your life together.  I know there’s a popular myth out there that a woman should “just be cool” until she knows how the guy feels about her – but that is the complete opposite of being a deliberate creator.  Waiting for someone to decide what he or she wants with you is not honoring the lovable and powerful person you truly are.  If you apply, “What you seek is seeking you” then being anything other than who YOU are when seeking your ideal love is going to draw inauthentic, unclear or wishy-washy love back to you – and can lead to heartbreak further down the road.  Be clear on what it is you truly want.

2)    Why do you want your ideal partnership?

Knowing why you want something fuels the energy behind your desire.  It also can tell you if what you’re asking for is in your highest interests.  If your reasons for wanting to be with your ideal partner are based in love and feel good – for example, wanting to be with someone because, “I want to express love with someone every day,” then you’ll attract a partner that wants the same good feeling.  If you ask why and your answer is fear-based, for example because, “I don’t want to be alone,” then you’ll also attract a partner that has the same fear based feeling.  “What you seek is seeking you,” so remember that you will attract a partner that wants a relationship for the same reasons (whether you realize it or not).  Also being clear on why you want your ideal relationship will further clarify what it is you want and simplify the process of dating and looking.

3)    How do you want to feel when you are in your ideal partnership?

Now we’re getting down to the important stuff when it comes to being a powerful creator in our lives.  It’s all about feelings.  In our analytical, logical society feelings have been put on the back shelf described as being just “chick stuff,” (actually things typically thought of as masculine like sports and war are just as much about feelings) but if you truly want to receive your heart’s desire – then you must tune in to your feelings about it.  Again, to be a broken Rumi record, “What you seek is seeking you,” and that is completely true when it comes to your feelings.  Do you want to feel good, happy and loved in your partnership?  Then if you focus on those wonderful feelings when you think about your life in your ideal relationship, then you will attract the partner that is also seeking those feelings in a relationship.  If your feelings about being in a relationship are bad (mine were for quite some time years ago), then check in with yourself and ask, “What is the limiting belief that is causing me to feel this way?  Am I willing to transmute this into a new belief that serves me now?  What is the new belief that I’m willing to adopt to move forward with the love I truly desire?”

The more you focus on your good feelings about what it is you desire, the quicker it will come to you and the more enjoyable and authentic your results will be.

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In summary, clarify – What? Why? and How?  And get into those good feelings as much as possible! 

I hope this was helpful for you and gives you a good starting point in manifesting your dreams.  When have you manifested something wonderful in your life?  As always, I’d love to read your comments below.

Lots of Love & Good Feelings,

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