Tag Archives: relationships

Latest Post – How Can You Tell If Your Date is Wearing a Disguise?

Ever find yourself dating a chameleon – a guy who says he’s serious then isn’t?  Check out my latest post about that here: http://dinarobison.com/can-tell-date-wearing-disguise/

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This Popular Personal Growth Philosophy May Not Be Helping You Manifest Love Now

Warning: This is just another opinion, or philosophy, and may not necessarily be yours.  As always, listen to your heart and be true to yourself.  🙂

There is a popular idea in personal growth with a huge following (and believe me I read and enjoyed the books, too) that may not be helping you manifest the love and life you really want.  That idea is that you will be at peace if you just be in the NOW.

Don’t get me wrong, practicing being in the now is a very beneficial tool and practice.  As a yogini, I use the tools of concentration and meditation on a daily basis to be present (which isn’t the same as being in the now, I’ll explain).  Concentration and meditation has changed my life, calmed my emotions, and helped clear my mind.  I intend to practice it for the rest of my life.

But can you realistically be in the now when you have had past heartbreaks and limiting beliefs created from them?  Or can you be in the now when you make appointments, pay bills, and make choices for your future?  We cannot live only in the now.  The past and the future is always in our present, informing this moment.  We are present when what we perceive as now is in total alignment with our past and our future.  My coach likened this to an infinity symbol – the point in the middle being the present and the two loops representing the past and the future.

1125831_90405437“Time has no independent existence apart from the order of events by which we measure it.”  – Albert Einstein

So assuming (and I have to assume because my analytical mind cannot grasp it) that this is true then everything that occurred in your past and everything you imagine for your future is determining exactly what you’re experiencing right now.  This is mind-blowing to consider if you want to find the relationship of your dreams or manifest anything in your life.  After all, if it’s in your dreams and it’s in your future – that must be where you’re headed, right?

So what can you do to align your past and future with what you want to experience presently? 

–       Use your imagination.  Reframe and transmute energy from past relationship experiences into the energy you want to be in now.  A few questions you might ask are, “How has this event made me the woman I am presently?” and “What do I really want now instead?” You can also re-write your relationship story to be the way you want it to be.

–       Connect with your future self.  Imagine how your life will be 5 years from now with your soul mate, and for the rest of your life.  See yourself as an old woman having lived the purposeful life of your dreams.  See how being with your ideal partner changed the life you have yet to live.

“Imagination is more important than knowledge.” – Albert Einstein

Do you question whether simply imaging something is effective or real?  Then ask yourself, “Was there something that has happened in my life that was just a dream in my mind before?”  I’m guessing yes.  So dreaming and imagining has worked for you before.  If all time is present then the very thoughts you have “now” are creating your reality – past, present and future.  So be present with them all and let them represent the life and love that you want to have.

I’ll leave you with this quote from Anita Moorjani, who in her book Dying to Be Me details her near death experience and explains that our concept of time is simply an illusion.

“Since the tapestry of all time has already been woven, everything I could ever want to happen in my life already exists in that infinite, nonphysical plane. My only task is to expand my earthly self enough to let it into this realm. So if there’s something I desire, the idea isn’t to go out and get it, but to expand my own consciousness to allow universal energy to bring it into my reality here.”Anita Moorjani, Dying to Be Me: My Journey from Cancer, to Near Death, to True Healing

With Love and Joy,

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How the Couples You See in Entertainment Affect the Relationship You Attract

A few weeks ago a friend mentioned to me that when she was a child watching the Flintstones, for some reason, made her sad.  At first, I thought, that’s strange.  Then she explained it’s because it always felt really intense to her, like everyone was mad at each other all of the time.  Then I remembered that the Flintstones was the children’s equivalent to The Honeymooners.  You know the – “One of these days, POW right in the kisser!” – Honeymooners.  It makes perfect sense why the Flintstones would be sad for a child to see, and the Honeymooners sad for adults to see.

Over the years there have been countless sitcoms, films and even cartoons (!!) depicting couples as constantly bickering, complaining about and fighting with each other.  Over the decades the fighting has evolved from threats of physical violence, to hysteric yelling, to nasty insults, and to now what seems to be childish rants against each other.  I rarely watch television anymore but recently I watched a comedy show about a married couple only because a friend of mine was guest starring on it, unfortunately not until the very end.  It was the last time I would watch it because the main stars (who I like as performers) were constantly hurling mean insults back and forth like 3rd graders (really mean ones that is) at a playground…for the duration.  Somehow this is supposed to be funny.

As a kid that watched a lot of television growing up, I actually believed this to be the norm – which reminds me of Norm on Cheers, another man always displeased with his wife.  These fictional characters were a big part of my energetic influence and I unknowingly took on the belief that men and women cannot be happy in marriage, or together at all.  I took on the belief that men and women that cared about each other showed it by fighting with each other and insulting each other.  Those beliefs resulted in my early relationships centering on verbal abuse and fighting.

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Of course we can say that it’s just TV or a movie, it isn’t real, but doesn’t our mainstream entertainment “normalize” what we see?  Everything is energy, so if we aren’t conscious can’t we easily take on the energy of our favorite entertainment?  Similarly to what I mentioned in the posts about male and female characters, the character of the “couple” in media has gotten further and further away from the soul mate relationship that I, and I assume you if you’re reading this, want to be in.

So what can you do?  Ask yourself what do you really want your relationship to be like?  Not what you think you can or cannot have based on what you see, but what do you really want?  Write it down.  Talk it out with a friend.  If you’re a creative type, write a story or a script on it. 

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What else is helpful to raise your energy to that of the relationship you desire?  Change the channel.  Shut off the TV.  Seek out media with couples that are like the soul mate relationship you want to have (recently I enjoyed Date Night and Up).  Support those that are making the kind of entertainment that is positively feeding your soul and your partnership. 

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There is a new paradigm for our partnerships that is coming forward now to be the norm.  It isn’t that of our parents and grandparents who largely depended on each other in marriage.  New partnerships are based on mutual respect, support, interdependence and love.  Our partnership supports our spiritual growth individually and as a couple.  I’ll even be so bold as to say this partnership supports the evolution of the collective consciousness and the entire planet. 

The sooner that kind of partnership can be reflected in our entertainment, the sooner it can be reflected in partnerships across the globe.

What is your favorite couple in entertainment?  I’m always on the look out for positive and uplifting shows to watch, so please let me know.

With Love,

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How To Attract and Enter a Partnership That is Complete

I remember watching Jerry Maguire in the theater when it was first released and after a few hours of what was a very intriguing and fun movie getting to the tearful, romantic ending where he blurts out the words, “You complete me.”  A phrase that would be repeated, replayed, misused, and misunderstood – along with “Show me the money!” – for at least another seventeen years.

It could have been my jaded self at the time but that ending felt anything but romantic to me.  This guy hardly pays any attention to this woman who’s head over heels in love with him and is working her butt off to help him all the time and yet at the end he comes back to her because he needs her to complete him?  Um, that sounds co-dependent and/or desperate to me.  Dude, complete yourself first then call me.  Maybe.

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(I just thought this picture was trippy!)

As down as I was on Jerry, over the years as my awareness grew I noticed that I, too, searched for some kind of unknown completion in everything external – relationships, teaching yoga, pursuit of an acting career, even my old yoga podcast Get Exercised Love, approval, praise, affection, and gratitude were just a few of the things I wanted from the outside.

Harville Hendrix describes this in his book Keeping the Love You Find, in which he says most of us have unconscious wounds that we received in childhood in relation to our primary caregivers and seek to fill, or complete, these wounds in our love relationships and even elsewhere.  (In my words now, not Harville’s) This incompleteness is the stuff addictions are made of because if we can’t get them fulfilled in our partnerships (and we can’t) then we might turn to something that makes us feel good and forget.  If you want to read about wounds and the types of partners you attract based on your wounds then I recommend his book.

If you want to use the Law of Attraction effectively, move on with your life and find the love you’ve always wanted – then I suggest healing/completing your wounds your self.  Once you realize and acknowledge what the wound is for you, I don’t think it’s important or helpful to relive the details about it endlessly. What you focus on expands, if you focus on the wound then that experience expands.  So what is it that you do want instead of the wound?

As an example, let’s use love.  Say you didn’t get a fulfilling amount of love from one or both of your primary caregivers and you find that in your relationship you don’t feel loved by your partner.  It’s your wound from the past and your partner (actually any partner so it doesn’t do any good to run off to someone else) can never give you enough love to fill the void you felt as a child.  Wounds can never be filled externally.  Also, how you feel is what you will receive, so if you feel incomplete, unloved, etc. what you receive will be incomplete, unloved, etc.

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So again, what it is that you do want?  Love.  How can you have that love now?  How can you be the vibration of love now so you attract that love to you?  You must give yourself the very thing that you seek externally.  If love is what you seek, vow to yourself now to love yourself.  “From this moment on I vow to fully love (or whatever it is that you want) myself.”  What loving things can you say and do for your self? 

That’s just one example but it’s the same for affection, joy, fun, abundance, praise, etc.  If you want something from others, you must first establish that in your self.

I cannot begin to tell you how much healing my own wounds changed my entire life.  Not only did I attract a loving man who gives me approval, affection, praise, and gratitude daily – I no longer sought it externally because I felt complete.  Now I can focus my attention entirely on loving my husband and serving my clients.  I no longer felt the need to pursue an elusive acting career (when I took the need for approval out of the equation I didn’t enjoy it nearly as much as I thought, yikes!)  Basically, I’m happy and fulfilled.  Complete.

Is there anything that you seek to complete you?  What is it that you think a partnership will fulfill for you?  How can you give yourself those things now?

To attract the most fulfilling relationship that your soul desires – be the completed energy that you wish to receive.

With Love and Gratitude,

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Six Hidden Forms of Resistance to Love and More on Allowing

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”- Rumi

Have you desired to have love in your life for a long time without seeing any evidence of it?  In the prior post I talk about what you can focus on doing now while trusting and allowing it to happen.  But there’s another aspect to this dilemma – the unconscious and/or subconscious resistance, or blocks, or barriers to love.

With deliberate attraction before you focus on manifesting your soul mate, it’s important to become aware of and release these blocks to love.  If we manifest a mate from a place of this resistance then the mate will likely have as much of this resistance, even if it shows in different ways.

I experienced this when I was dating.  I didn’t get why I kept attracting men that were emotionally unavailable and didn’t want to commit.  When I realized that those same qualities were in me, I stopped dating for a while to find and release my resistance.

There was something interesting I observed around that time: that men and women that really desired to have a girlfriend or boyfriend got one, those that wanted to get married got married, those that wanted to play the field did just that.  The same was true for people that wanted to become lawyers, start a business, make 6 figures, or whatever.  It seemed to me that when all resistance was dropped and someone really desired something enough, it happened.  And quickly.  Hmmm, I thought that was interesting.

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So I concluded that the desire, wish, or intention is the seed that you plant but then one must cease blocking it from happening with any unconscious or subconscious resistance.  Then take actions from that completely open, non-resistant space.

So, here are some hidden forms of resistance that can block you from the love you really want:

– Clinging to old ways of thinking about dating and love that don’t work for you anymore.

– Relying on and insisting that “chemistry” must be present first before getting to know someone.

– Waiting for someone to love you, trust you, value you, commit to you without giving your self those things first.

– Saying you want something now other than what you want long term.

– Grasping tightly on to an impossible, or any, fantasy about love.

– Habitually doing distracting and/or addictive things that block the feeling of love. (i.e., substance abuse, over-working, flirting mindlessly, or many other things prevalent in our society – you name it.)

At some point I had all of the above barriers to love and just classified them as normal and acceptable, which is why I call them “hidden.”  It was only when I was willing to, like Rumi says, seek and find all the barriers I had built against love and completely drop them that love came in to my life within months.

Do you have any of these or other hidden forms of resistance or barriers to love?  Are you willing to change those beliefs into something that resonates with your heart and soul now, or drop it completely?

It’s totally possible with your intention and your desire.  I’ve done it and if I can drop all of those barriers I built up against love then I know you can, too.

Openly and With Love,

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Your Mind Obsessing About What You Don’t Want In Love? Three Ways to Turn it Around

You find that you have a very large organ called a brain.  It thinks.  It thinks a lot.  And if you’re a very intelligent person it thinks a whole lot.  And if you’re a very intelligent woman it probably thinks about a whole lot of different things at the same time.  There was a joke going around Facebook about that – something to effect of, “Imagine having your browser with 3,467 tabs open all at once.  That’s what it’s like to be in a woman’s head.” 

I thought that was funny because I can so totally relate.  And I wouldn’t really want to change much; I love my creativity and analytical mind.  But with some, or a lot of, practice I’ve trained myself to rein in my obsessive mind when I need to.

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You see our wonderfully creative and multi-tasking minds are great for some things but when our thoughts turn into feelings about our love life that bog us down then we begin attracting exactly what we don’t want into our lives.  Our predominating feelings and energy matches exactly what we’re attracting in.  So it’s very beneficial to have tools for noticing when you’re thinking and vibrating where you don’t want to be, to rein it in, and to go back to what you want.

Here are a few techniques for anyone wanting to take charge of their life in spite of what your habitual mind is telling you –

–       Begin a silent meditation practice.  This can start out just 5 minutes a day and go up to as long as you have time for.  Begin by concentrating on one thing – your breathing, a word or short phrase (a mantra), or your spiritual center between your eyebrows.  If your mind wanders, just simply bring it back to your point of focus.  This will help you to become more present and aware when your mind is going somewhere not productive for you.

–       If you find that you’re having a conversation with yourself (and I do, often) that is unpleasant, turn it into a conversation of gratitude.  Thank the Universe or God or Source for all the good things that have come your way.

–       Get those thoughts out in a productive way – call a friend, write it in a journal, talk to a coach or counselor.  The other person is only to listen to you.  I find that the thoughts are way more interesting and elaborate and scary in my head but after I voice them they lose their power and drama.  They lose their realness.

Implementing one or all three of these techniques can really change your relationship to how much power your habitual thinking has over your life.  And then from there you can bring your thoughts and feelings back to the vibration of where you want your life and relationships to be instead.

Do you have any other tips, tricks or tools that work well for you?  I’d love to know, please share.

Have a joyous and peaceful weekend!

Lots of Love,

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3 Old School Love Attracting Methods That No Longer Work and What Does

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Do you remember what you were like when you were 18?  Do you remember how you viewed the world, your dreams, your ambitions, and love?  How about when you were 25?  Yeah, me neither.  It seems so long ago but all I know is that I was a completely different woman at each of those ages, and I’m completely different now.

By the time I got into my early thirties I realized that the methods I was using to attract “love” (if you can call flirting a method) at 18 and 25 were seriously not serving me well at the age of 32.  The old attraction paradigm that I was ingrained with in high school, from watching movies and television, and by pouring over teen magazines with my girlfriends only got me into relationships that, well, might suit an 18 or 25 year old just fine but wasn’t what I wanted anymore.  When I finally admitted to myself and to a select few close people that I wanted to get married and start a family, I knew that it was time to show that old attraction paradigm the door and bring in something new.

Here are three commonly believed attraction methods that I learned from the hard way in my twenties, and three new ways of deliberately attracting a soul mate that I implemented in my thirties – to my success:

Out: Being the cool girl by being okay with the relationship whatever and wherever that is.

First of all, for anyone that actually knows me…the words cool and Dina are a complete oxymoron.  That’s a clue that I really wasn’t being my self by suppressing my truth, needs and desires.  It’s shocking to me that this is still advised for women.

In: Decide exactly where you want a relationship to go before even going on the first date.

Before dating I got crystal clear on what I wanted in a relationship at the present time, which was a committed boyfriend/girlfriend situation leading to marriage and starting a family.  Very simple.  Know what you want clearly so you can attract a partner that wants the same thing as you.

Out: Trying to appeal to as many prospects as possible by being very general about who you are and what you want.

Similar to being cool, it’s easy to get response from more people this way but most of them won’t be a good fit in the long run because he or she never gets to see who you are in the beginning.  As time goes on and both of your preferences are revealed you might find out that you’re not a good match, resulting in heartbreak.

In: Be very specific, in a positive way because you’re wonderful, about who you are.

Whether it’s a religion, a political view, personal value, or dietary choice, it’s best to be clear on these things in the beginning.  When I set up my last online profile (which led me to my soul mate in 7 weeks) I said things I never said before upfront – that I’m very spiritual but not religious and that I’m vegan.  If a guy couldn’t live with either of those things then we would not be a good fit and I didn’t want to start dating him in the first place.  Yes, there were less men interested in me but my soul mate saw my profile and was like, “Heck yeah!”  (Actually he found me with the search term “spirituality.”) Be honest about your values and who you are.

Out: Deciding to go out with someone based on “chemistry.”

Oh boy, this is a big one.  It’s what love in epic movies and songs and literature is founded on.  We take it in high school and there’s a dating site named after it, shouldn’t there be chemistry before deciding to go out with someone?  In my opinion, not really.  There may be exceptions but usually it ends up not being what we think. When we feel chemistry very often it’s based on our baggage, limiting beliefs and unconscious junk, like the good girl who loves the bad boy.  Chemistry clouds the rational mind – where the excuses justifying a relationship come in – and it doesn’t usually last.

In: Deciding to go out with someone based on values, behavior towards you and others, and his or her actions.

This is deliberate attraction.  You decide what you want in advance, got clear on who you are and your values so when you meet him or her you are actually attracted because he or she is the type of partner you most desire.  And you know what else is fun about that?  The attraction and chemistry grows over time as you build your life together based on mutual respect.  Similar values, behavior and actions are extremely attractive.

In short, 1) knowing what you want, 2) being clear on who you are, 3) choosing a date based on values, behaviors and actions.

I hope you find these three attraction paradigm shifts inspiring and helpful in your search for soul mate love.  What is no longer serving you in your search for love?  If you care to share, as always I’d love read your comments.

Lots of joy and happiness to you on your journey!

Love,

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