Ever find yourself dating a chameleon – a guy who says he’s serious then isn’t? Check out my latest post about that here: http://dinarobison.com/can-tell-date-wearing-disguise/
A reader of this blog and friend emailed me last week to tell me about her heartbreaking situation and asked me what my thoughts were about it.
In the email she detailed that she had a romance with a man that she felt was the one, her soul mate, and it had been going great for a while. She felt he was in love with her as much as she was with him. However, he was just coming off of a messy divorce and wasn’t ready for a deeper commitment at that time and they parted ways. She respected where he was at and gave him space while waiting for him to come back when he was ready. Long story short, he never did and is now in another relationship and engaged to be married.
As a woman who’s been in a similar situation let me just say first…ouch. I’m so sorry for the heartbreak you are going through. Myself and so many women I’ve known over the years have gone through something similar. Please know your feelings are totally validated here and just allow yourself to feel them whatever they may be.
Regardless of what you’re going through now you won’t need to feel this way for very long. There is a light at the end of this tunnel if you can allow the situation to be a learning and growth experience on the way to meeting your real love.
First let me address the concept of Soul Mates. I mean, what the heck is that anyway? There are so many definitions and theories on this ranging from you only get one – to – you have tons of them including your first grade teacher.
I don’t really know for sure (to say the least because I’m not a channel, enlightened, and don’t have memories of my soul life before incarnating in this body as a squealing baby) – but what I’ve noticed in my life and my feeling is that we have soul mates in two major categories: 1) The long term life journey growth and expansion kind, and 2) The short term, smack you in the face, wake you up so you get on the right path to what you really should have kind.
So with that in mind…yes, this man could have been your soul mate. But he was more likely a soul mate that helped you to re-direct your course onto the right path so you can meet your long-term, soul mate partner. I lovingly think of my own last heartbreak (which I’m so thankful for now) as my “wake up call guy.” Sounds like this guy was your wake up call guy.
Secondly, and the most important aspect to this I want to address here is the fact that he wasn’t sure about committing to you and you still felt he was the one. This is not to judge you as I’ve been there, too, but this is an important part of the waking up process…
When all is said and done – as much as you may love someone if he doesn’t feel the same way about you is that good enough for you in your soul mate relationship? I mean, does that really cut it? Do you want to wake up every morning next to someone who had to really wait and think about whether he wanted to be with you when you were positively sure about him? Do you want to affirm to the Universe or God or Source that that is as much as you deserve to be loved?
Yes, you may be head over heels in love with him but nevertheless I sincerely hope you answered NO to those questions. If not then you have some work to do transmuting your limiting beliefs about your worth in love and relationships.
One of the most important steps to deliberately attracting your soul mate aside from finding the one you love, of course, is to be open and ready to receive love from the one that loves and feels the same way about you. To love the one that loves you. When you’re attracting deliberately you’re not just attracting any guy that feels you’re his maybe when he’s ready – you’re attracting the one that is ready to drop everything and do anything to be with you and take vows with you at the altar and maybe even make mini versions of the two of you.
Personally, after my wake up call guy I’ll be damned if I was going to settle for anything less that that. And I don’t think any other woman should either. I forget who said this originally but it was something to the effect of, “the Universe doesn’t take anything away from you unless it plans to give you something better.”
So what do you need to do, believe or have to be open and ready to receive that kind of devoted love? What would it take for you to know you have that kind of love waiting for you just around the corner?
Two days after I received that email I saw this quote from Jeff Brown of soulshaping.com which describes this perfectly:
“If one person doesn’t want the relationship, then it’s simply not a fit. No sense trying to figure out why we think they don’t want it. No sense blaming it on their commitment issues. No sense waiting around for them to realize they wanted it after all. And if they don’t want it, then we don’t want it, because we don’t want to be with someone who is not there for it fully. That’s the thing about a love relationship- it’s an agreement that has to be signed by both souls. If one doesn’t sign, then nothing has been lost. If it’s not a fit for them, it’s not a fit for us either.” Jeff Brown http://soulshaping.com/
I hope this inspires you to love the one that loves you. How about you? Have you had a wake up situation that re-directed you on to the right path or that made you truly realize your worth? I’d love to read about it, please comment.
If you liked this article please like and share and all that good stuff!
Lots of Love & Light,
- Soul Mates: Do You Believe? ~ Freya Watson (elephantjournal.com)
- About Soul Mates (eutenhoduasvidas.wordpress.com)
- My fiance may not be my soul mate yet.. but he will be. (theveganwifey.com)
- How to Make Your Big WHY Attract Your Ideal Relationship and Serve Your Higher Purpose (dinarobisoncoaching.wordpress.com)
Last week I heard a money mindset tip from a coach that went, “It’s easier to make lots of money than it is to make a little money.” At first it sounds backwards and whether you believe that or not is okay, but as soon as I heard that it resonated as completely true for me. Why? Because it’s exactly the same concept (after all everything is energy) that I coach my clients on about love.
Attracting and being in your ideal relationship is so much easier than being in default one.
This truth is why I’m so inspired to help women attract the love they always wanted because it’s so EASY and feels GREAT. No more banging your head against the wall wondering if he’s serious about you or if he’s going to decide to commit. No biting your lip in fear that if you express your feelings to him he will run off.
Actually, your soul mate feels the same way about you as you do about him and the whole process just flows and it can flow rather quickly if that’s what you desire.
The other night I was skimming through some dating advice articles from major magazines and online newspapers; I was horrified that what’s promoted as the popular, mainstream belief is that dating and relationships are a struggle and sacrifice. That a woman shouldn’t express how she’s feeling too soon even if she is physically intimate with her man (HUH?), that she shouldn’t complain (holding in her feelings will passively come out in complaints, btw), and that she should just focus on having fun (somewhat agree depending on what fun means).
Well, would that feel good to you in a relationship? Does being anything other than being your Self and expressing your feelings of love feel like a good relationship to you? Does not getting the love and commitment you desire sound like it would be fun after a while?
If you are so done with dating (like I was when I attracted my husband) and are ready to attract your soul mate then there is something you need to know:
Behaviors, games, tactics, and “rules” that have you being anything other than your Self will attract the wrong man to you. Period.
Authentic, honest expression of who you are as a woman and knowing what’s important to you in your life and in your relationship will attract the right man to you.
So this brings us to why soul mate love is so easy; because you get to totally be your self and be up front about what you’re looking for. What a relief! Anyone who doesn’t match that won’t be a time and energy drain. And when you deliberately attract your partner it will be because he wants the very same things you do and he’s just as ready as you are for love. You will know sooner that you are right for each other and should marriage be on your minds, that will happen sooner, too, as it did for myself and other couples I know.
So when you read any dating advice, including this, please check in with your self. Does it feel true and good to you?
“Learn to guide your thoughts in the direction of things that feel good, and discover the power that only comes from vibrational alignment with Source.” ~ Abraham–Hicks
If you enjoyed this article and you resonate with the message, please share with the buttons below or comment. Let’s spread the word about authentic and loving relationships!
Lovingly & Truthfully Yours,
- 6 Pieces of Popular Dating Advice to Not Take If You Want to Attract Your Soul Mate (dinarobisoncoaching.wordpress.com)
- How Deliberate Attraction Helps You Attract a Soul Mate Relationship and Some Good Summer Reads (dinarobisoncoaching.wordpress.com)
- You Can’t Find Your Soul Mate if You Show a Fake Soul (lmerlobooth.typepad.com)
Let’s be real. You don’t need a man. You don’t need to be married or in a relationship. If there’s anything I hope you’ve gotten from my blog is that you are a whole, complete, and fulfilled woman just as you are. The reality is that you don’t need anything other than being who you are and just showing up to your life every day. In light of that you might be wondering why I joined the ranks of the married and am coaching women that want to do the same…
Because deliberate attraction is so much more than just attracting a partner. Deliberate attraction acknowledges that as women in this time of evolving world consciousness our life’s mission, whether in a relationship or not, means having so much more impact on the world than it did thirty, fifty, or a hundred or more years ago.
Last week I swore that I would not be another woman to quote this Dalai Lama statement but what the heck…
“The world will be saved by the western woman.”
This statement has set forth into motion thousands upon thousands of women (all over the world) coming forward in their relationships, businesses, and lives in a way that is bringing higher consciousness into everything we do individually and collectively. What does that have to do with finding your soul mate?
One of the biggest impacts we women can have on the world begins with us, being our divine selves, in our homes, creating and nurturing partnerships and families based on spiritual and uplifting love; this divine love spreads from our families to our neighbors, our schools, our businesses, our governments and across the entire planet. When this kind of love becomes the norm, or hits the tipping point, then all will truly be living peacefully and abundantly on this planet as we are meant to.
As a woman, no, you do not need a man. A man does not need a woman either. In this day and age we are quite independent of each other and can survive wonderfully with out a partner. I’ve been aware of this for years and actually used to get really embarrassed when people tried to set me up with someone or suggest I date or get married – at least for the reasons I figured they thought I should based on social expectation and need. I always had a “big picture” outlook and thought there were bigger and more important things to do in the world; dating and relationships honestly didn’t seem that crucial to me.
It wasn’t until I was about 35 that I came into alignment with my big WHY – why I wanted to be in partnership with my soul mate and why it means so much to me for my soul’s purpose here. Because that WHY was so meaningful to me, it inspired me to attract my partner and set the stage for the amazing, inspiring marriage I’m in now.
As intended when I first put forth why I wanted to marry my soul mate my marriage has helped me to grow in my capacity to love in ways where I was previously limited. My partnership has also given me the support and space to further my purpose, or one of my purposes, here in this lifetime – helping the world to love more while loving myself more. Also my spiritual practice has deepened and I’m enjoying life more fully than I had before by allowing my love to expand beyond myself.
Now that may not have anything to do with why you’re looking for a soul mate relationship. But my point is that our desire for a relationship at this point in evolution has to be so much more than just having companionship, having children, and having reliable physical affection. There is a new paradigm being called forth in love and your vision of an ideal relationship is leading the way to making the Dalai Lama’s statement about women saving the world a reality.
So then, what is your big WHY?
Why are you being called forth now to have the partnership you’ve always wanted?
What is the big picture reason for attracting and being with your soul mate?
In what ways will you expand with the support of your soul mate?
What will your life be like in your ideal partnership?
How is your ideal partnership in alignment with your purpose here on the planet?
Your answers to these questions are the new, emerging paradigm for love and relationships. And your vision of your partnership with your soul mate is changing the world for good.
Enjoy the journey but always be true to yourself and your big WHY.
Love and Peace,
- How Deliberate Attraction Helps You Attract a Soul Mate Relationship and Some Good Summer Reads (dinarobisoncoaching.wordpress.com)
- Soul Mates (sebgwrites.wordpress.com)
- What If Your Soul Mate Hasn’t Come Along and What To Do Now (dinarobisoncoaching.wordpress.com)
One of the main reasons I was inspired to coach and teach women about attracting a soul mate deliberately is because after my journey – including two years of not dating, about nine months of deliberately attracting, then meeting and marrying my soul mate – I discovered that all the things that worked for me was the complete and total opposite of what mainstream dating advice (from media, articles and even well meaning friends) was suggesting to the masses.
I’ve heard just outright poor advice from well-known coaches via television, podcasts and articles and from friends and acquaintances that buy into that belief system about dating and love. Fortunately, by the age of 35 I was connected enough to my own soul to know what was right for me in attracting the man that I would love and adore (and that would love and adore me!)
Of course, as a coach and human being, I cannot tell you or anyone else what is best for you and your soul mate in love. When it comes to what you’re looking for in your partner, how you want to express love with your soul mate, what time is right to be intimate together, how often you see each other, how often you communicate and etc. – you have to do what is right for you at the highest level. I certainly had my own preferences that worked perfectly for me, but you must decide what is best for you.
However, if you intend to attract your soul mate and a relationship that is joyous and fulfilling, you should absolutely enter the relationship from day one with the end desire in mind – for you and your partnership. That is what deliberate attraction is all about.
And these 6 pieces of dating advice that I actually heard or read at some point, well, just plain suck if you want to deliberately attract. Here they are:
1) Just jump in. – As a coach I understand the benefit of just getting out of one’s head and taking the next step but whoa, hold on. Are you really ready to date at this time? Are you clear about what you want in your life and with a partner? Are you clear of any limiting beliefs or negative patterns that will draw the wrong partner to you? And most importantly, is your last relationship fully completed? If any of these questions are NO, it’s crucial to take the time to figure things out before jumping in.
2) Don’t ask a guy where it’s going too soon. – You can read my post about how to know where your relationship is going for more, but in a nutshell; with deliberate attraction you don’t date unless you know where you’re going and what your intention is. That doesn’t mean every first date will potentially be the one – but that you choose your dates based on whether they have the same values as you, including where they want a relationship to go, in which case you’ll never have to ask. If you’re dating someone who doesn’t want to go the same place as you do, you aren’t attracting deliberately.
3) How to flirt text. – I just saw this recently on a site for a very popular and mainstream women’s magazine. My palm went right to my face. Yep, I used to play these games thinking it would turn into something more. All I got was guys that just wanted to flirt text. Instead ask your self, what kind of person would be attracted to text flirting when we’re dating? If that isn’t the kind of person you see yourself sharing your life with, ditch the games.
4) It’s all a numbers game. – You know what’s a numbers game? The lottery. According to Ronald Wasserstein in his article on the Huffington Post your chances of winning the Powerball is 1 in over 175 million. Don’t you think that your chances of attracting and being in the relationship of your dreams is just a bit better than that? Well, I do. Especially when you’re deliberately attracting. If you’re playing it like a lottery (which also affirms to the Universe you believe your chances to be low, so I don’t suggest that) and going out on random dates without being clear, the chances are much lower it will be successful, and it will get frustrating. With deliberate attraction you actually go on much fewer dates but are very intentional about whom you invest your time with.
5) When you’re making out on a first date… – I actually heard a well-known dating coach suggesting this on an online free love summit a few years ago. He was saying to women to go ahead and have fun, make out, but don’t sleep with him and be sure to tell him that you don’t do that until you’re in a committed relationship. Omg and wtf and all the other initial combos that are out there for whacked out stuff to suggest! I’ve read that supposedly when you exchange any kind of DNA with another person (including just saliva) you’re exchanging parts of your soul. Your soul. Even if you don’t believe that, just think about the physical and emotional investment you’re making in a heavy make out session and on a first date rarely will you know this person is your soul mate. Again ask yourself, what kind of person would be attracted to this behavior? Would my soul mate do this and want me to be doing this? If the answer is no, then no make out…yet.
6) You have to date first to really know what you want. – This is along the lines of jumping in and it being a numbers game. It suggests that you can figure things out along the way and that the more you do it the clearer you become. Actually, I think it’s the opposite – the more you date unsuccessfully the cloudier and more negative things become. The deliberate way of going about it would be by being mindful of your time, emotional investment, your heart, your positive energy level and to be just as mindful of that for everyone else you meet. The clearer you are before you begin the dating process the more successful your dates and the relationship you find will be.
I hope this clarified how deliberate soul mate attraction is different and can be so much more productive than mainstream dating advice. Also I hope it inspired you to really connect first with your soul and your highest desire for a relationship.
What dating advice have you received that wasn’t helpful for you? I’d love to know, please comment or contact me at dinarobisoncoaching at gmail dot com.
- Can You Deliberately Attract Your Soul Mate Dating Online? (dinarobisoncoaching.wordpress.com)
- 3 Old School Love Attracting Methods That No Longer Work and What Does (dinarobisoncoaching.wordpress.com)
- 5 Universal “Truths” About Dating I Don’t Understand (thoughtcatalog.com)
Thank you to all who responded to my survey! This helps me so much to create content and a program that can really provide information that will help you attract the love you want.
I don’t have space at this time to offer any more complimentary 60 minute sessions but as of July 13th, 2013 new respondents will get a free 30 minute clarity session – please let me know how I can better help you attract your soul mate!
Survey –> http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/VTJ759G
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”- Rumi
Have you desired to have love in your life for a long time without seeing any evidence of it? In the prior post I talk about what you can focus on doing now while trusting and allowing it to happen. But there’s another aspect to this dilemma – the unconscious and/or subconscious resistance, or blocks, or barriers to love.
With deliberate attraction before you focus on manifesting your soul mate, it’s important to become aware of and release these blocks to love. If we manifest a mate from a place of this resistance then the mate will likely have as much of this resistance, even if it shows in different ways.
I experienced this when I was dating. I didn’t get why I kept attracting men that were emotionally unavailable and didn’t want to commit. When I realized that those same qualities were in me, I stopped dating for a while to find and release my resistance.
There was something interesting I observed around that time: that men and women that really desired to have a girlfriend or boyfriend got one, those that wanted to get married got married, those that wanted to play the field did just that. The same was true for people that wanted to become lawyers, start a business, make 6 figures, or whatever. It seemed to me that when all resistance was dropped and someone really desired something enough, it happened. And quickly. Hmmm, I thought that was interesting.
So I concluded that the desire, wish, or intention is the seed that you plant but then one must cease blocking it from happening with any unconscious or subconscious resistance. Then take actions from that completely open, non-resistant space.
So, here are some hidden forms of resistance that can block you from the love you really want:
– Clinging to old ways of thinking about dating and love that don’t work for you anymore.
– Relying on and insisting that “chemistry” must be present first before getting to know someone.
– Waiting for someone to love you, trust you, value you, commit to you without giving your self those things first.
– Saying you want something now other than what you want long term.
– Grasping tightly on to an impossible, or any, fantasy about love.
– Habitually doing distracting and/or addictive things that block the feeling of love. (i.e., substance abuse, over-working, flirting mindlessly, or many other things prevalent in our society – you name it.)
At some point I had all of the above barriers to love and just classified them as normal and acceptable, which is why I call them “hidden.” It was only when I was willing to, like Rumi says, seek and find all the barriers I had built against love and completely drop them that love came in to my life within months.
Do you have any of these or other hidden forms of resistance or barriers to love? Are you willing to change those beliefs into something that resonates with your heart and soul now, or drop it completely?
It’s totally possible with your intention and your desire. I’ve done it and if I can drop all of those barriers I built up against love then I know you can, too.
Openly and With Love,
- What If Your Soul Mate Hasn’t Come Along and What To Do Now (dinarobisoncoaching.wordpress.com)
- Resistance (ceoeffectiveness.com)
- Top 5 Resistances to Change & Their Remedies (omtimes.com)