Tag Archives: Soulmate

The One Question That Will Help You Get Over a Narcissist For Good

Date Deliberately and Avoid the Narcissist For Good

There’s a name for that guy that seemingly has his act together, is so fun, so charismatic, and hot, but doesn’t reveal his unavailability until he’s left you heartbroken and confused. He’s a narcissist.

And it isn’t that he loves himself, it’s that he’s created an over-inflated image of himself to compensate for something broken in him – like wounding from his childhood.

So what does that mean for you in a relationship with him?

It means it’s all about HIM. His “love” for you is all about what you are doing for him in this moment. For example, you could be his distraction from reality, his avoidance of being alone, his intimate satisfaction, or his trophy to appear complete to the others in his life.

But it isn’t about love. As a matter of fact, as soon as he doesn’t need what you’re providing him any more he will disappear.

A narcissist has mastered the art of charming others and faking love by love bombing in the beginning before his true colors start showing. He relies on this act to get a woman because he doesn’t know how to love from his heart and provide lasting value, as it’s all about him.

Some of the most common benefits narcissists initially give women are:

Fun/Funny

Passionate

Alluring

Unpredictable

Exciting

Romantic

Needing Her

Attention

…And probably hundreds more.

So how can you be prepared when you’re dating to not fall for a narcissist again? How do you know if the qualities he’s presenting are real or just manifestations of his problem?

This is what I ask all of my clients that have a pattern of dating narcissists to do:

List all of the qualities that they loved about their exes.

Then honestly ask themselves, “If I didn’t need to have those qualities present to love someone, then what would I be attracted to instead?”

The answer to that question reveals your soulmate. What’s left over after the outward mask is dropped is who your soulmate partner really is. And what’s illuminated is your heart just open to pure love over external satisfaction.

This weekend I challenge you to sit down and quietly journal on those questions.

What was revealed to you? Were you surprised by anything? How will this change the way you date and get to know others?

Please feel free to hit reply and let me know your thoughts! And if you’d like additional help please take advantage of a free 30-minute deliberate attraction session with me or grabbing my courses for only $9.99 through Saturday 3/31! Details below…

  1. Schedule a free 30-minute deliberate attraction session with me here and we can discuss any blocks you feel you may have and how to bust through them. We can also explore how a one-on-one coaching relationship can help you.

  2. Grab one or more of my online courses for only $9.99 each through Saturday 3/31! I go over the concept of wounds in the Deliberately Attract Your Soulmate and Confidence For Women courses.

    Preview each course at the links below:

    Deliberately Attract Your Soulmate

    “I am really loving your program, visualizations – especially the
    future vision of seeing your partner.. It is really one of my favorite
    programs that I have done!” Tali, course student

    Module 1: Getting To Know What Love Is

    Find out your true soul’s expression of love and believe that it’s not only possible but that you will never settle for less again. 4 lessons and 1 guided meditation.

    Module 2: Transmuting Energy Blocking Love

    Transforming energy from past romantic or family relationships into a powerful force that will draw love to you. 4 lessons.

    Module 3: Forgiving and Releasing Ties To the Past

    Free your heart from painful ties to past romantic or family relationships so you can trust and love again. 3 lesson and 2 guided meditations.

    Module 4: Evolving Agreements and Hidden Personalities

    Evolve any unconscious agreements or parts of you blocking love into energy that will help you get the love you want. 3 lessons and 1 guided meditation.

    Module 5: The Divine Feminine In You

    Discovering and merging with the most radiant and dynamic goddess within you. 3 lessons and 1 guided meditation.

    Module 6: Loving Yourself To Love Another

    Turn any negative self talk around into truly appreciating and loving your unique gifts, so your soul mate can, too. 4 lessons.

    Module 7: Knowing the Essence of Your Soul Mate Partnership

    Connecting with the energy and deep values of your soul mate partnership so you never settle for less-than again. 2 lessons and 1 guided meditation.

    Module 8: Recognizing Your Soul Mate In Person

    Discovering and becoming very clear about the qualities of your soul mate and your future life together to attract just the right person for you. 3 lessons and 1 guided meditation.

    Module 9: Manifesting Your Soul Mate With Inspired Action

    Creating a deliberate action plan with simple steps you can take now to meet your soul mate. 3 lessons.

    Plus You Will Get:

    Downloadable mp3s of 7 guided meditations, worksheets for each module, a bonus Q & A section with common questions asked about the course and dating, and ongoing online support from me personally!

    Get Deliberately Attract Your Soulmate for $9.99 (regularly $75) here!

    Dating Deliberately To Attract the One

    “The material is easily presented, straight and to the point. Really helps someone who wants to know how to apply clarity and direction to focusing their dating life know how to do it! To learn from past relationship mistakes and move on.” Holli

    What You Will Get:

    Module 1: Clarity and Focus To Magnetize Your Soul Mate

    Become crystal clear and focused on your soul mate and the partnership you want to attract now. Get a glimpse into your ideal future life together and begin to create the vision of the life you want.

    Module 2: Turning Limiting Beliefs and Fears Into Love Magnets

    Learn the key factor to making the law of attraction and affirmations work for you. Turn limiting beliefs into empowerment and tap into your inner confidence for dating success.

    Module 3: Dating Deliberately With Confidence and Joy

    Create a deliberate action plan for meeting your soul mate and to date with ease. Plus, an online dating crash course for cutting through the b.s. and meeting your soul mate without wasting time.

    Plus You Will Get:

    3 Guided Meditation mp3s

    The Dating Deliberately Workbook

    A Bonus Q & A Section

    Ongoing Online Support From Me Personally

    Get Dating Deliberately To Attract the One For $9.99 (regularly $45) Here!

    Confidence For Women: Inner Radiance For Living Your Purpose

    Naturally and effectively improve your personal and professional confidence and self-esteem with the simple, yet powerful, exercises in this course.

    These techniques use your imagination to change your mindset and creatively apply the methods of a confident, self-loving, and successful woman – so results are effective and noticeable.

    Course includes:

    Your Vision of Confidence – Imagine being the woman you want to be! Clarifying and visualizing what being a confident woman ideally means to you and embodying the qualities of a woman you most admire.

    Creating Confident and Loving Self-Talk – Loving yourself! Improving self-esteem and self-worth by transmuting negative self-talk and replacing it with empowering beliefs about yourself your unique purpose in life to create confidence that begins on the inside.

    Living Confidently – Acting confidently and living your dreams today! Taking simple and powerful steps in your daily life that will improve your mindset and quality of life – and allow you to stop playing small and live with confidence.

    Whether you want to go after a dream, nail a job interview, or date with ease and joy to attract the relationship you desire…

    By the end of Confidence For Women you will have an action plan for pursuing your purpose and the confidence to do it!

    Get Confidence For Women for only $9.99 (regularly $40) here!

     

All courses have a 30-day money back guarantee if you aren’t satisfied for any reason.

When You Feel You’ve Met Your Soul Mate and He Doesn’t Feel the Same Way

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A reader of this blog and friend emailed me last week to tell me about her heartbreaking situation and asked me what my thoughts were about it.

In the email she detailed that she had a romance with a man that she felt was the one, her soul mate, and it had been going great for a while.  She felt he was in love with her as much as she was with him.  However, he was just coming off of a messy divorce and wasn’t ready for a deeper commitment at that time and they parted ways.  She respected where he was at and gave him space while waiting for him to come back when he was ready.  Long story short, he never did and is now in another relationship and engaged to be married.

As a woman who’s been in a similar situation let me just say first…ouch.  I’m so sorry for the heartbreak you are going through.  Myself and so many women I’ve known over the years have gone through something similar.  Please know your feelings are totally validated here and just allow yourself to feel them whatever they may be.

Regardless of what you’re going through now you won’t need to feel this way for very long.  There is a light at the end of this tunnel if you can allow the situation to be a learning and growth experience on the way to meeting  your real love.

First let me address the concept of Soul Mates.  I mean, what the heck is that anyway?  There are so many definitions and theories on this ranging from you only get one – to – you have tons of them including your first grade teacher.

I don’t really know for sure (to say the least because I’m not a channel, enlightened, and don’t have memories of my soul life before incarnating in this body as a squealing baby) – but what I’ve noticed in my life and my feeling is that we have soul mates in two major categories: 1) The long term life journey growth and expansion kind, and 2) The short term, smack you in the face, wake you up so you get on the right path to what you really should have kind.

So with that in mind…yes, this man could have been your soul mate.  But he was more likely a soul mate that helped you to re-direct your course onto the right path so you can meet your long-term, soul mate partner.  I lovingly think of my own last heartbreak (which I’m so thankful for now) as my “wake up call guy.”  Sounds like this guy was your wake up call guy.

Secondly, and the most important aspect to this I want to address here is the fact that he wasn’t sure about committing to you and you still felt he was the one.  This is not to judge you as I’ve been there, too, but this is an important part of the waking up process…

When all is said and done – as much as you may love someone if he doesn’t feel the same way about you is that good enough for you in your soul mate relationship?  I mean, does that really cut it?  Do you want to wake up every morning next to someone who had to really wait and think about whether he wanted to be with you when you were positively sure about him?  Do you want to affirm to the Universe or God or Source that that is as much as you deserve to be loved?

Yes, you may be head over heels in love with him but nevertheless I sincerely hope you answered NO to those questions.  If not then you have some work to do transmuting your limiting beliefs about your worth in love and relationships.

One of the most important steps to deliberately attracting your soul mate aside from finding the one you love, of course, is to be open and ready to receive love from the one that loves and feels the same way about you.  To love the one that loves you. When you’re attracting deliberately you’re not just attracting any guy that feels you’re his maybe when he’s ready – you’re attracting the one that is ready to drop everything and do anything to be with you and take vows with you at the altar and maybe even make mini versions of the two of you.

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Personally, after my wake up call guy I’ll be damned if I was going to settle for anything less that that.   And I don’t think any other woman should either.  I forget who said this originally but it was something to the effect of, “the Universe doesn’t take anything away from you unless it plans to give you something better.”

So what do you need to do, believe or have to be open and ready to receive that kind of devoted love?  What would it take for you to know you have that kind of love waiting for you just around the corner? 

Two days after I received that email I saw this quote from Jeff Brown of soulshaping.com which describes this perfectly:

“If one person doesn’t want the relationship, then it’s simply not a fit. No sense trying to figure out why we think they don’t want it. No sense blaming it on their commitment issues. No sense waiting around for them to realize they wanted it after all. And if they don’t want it, then we don’t want it, because we don’t want to be with someone who is not there for it fully. That’s the thing about a love relationship- it’s an agreement that has to be signed by both souls. If one doesn’t sign, then nothing has been lost. If it’s not a fit for them, it’s not a fit for us either.” Jeff Brown http://soulshaping.com/

I hope this inspires you to love the one that loves you.  How about you?  Have you had a wake up situation that re-directed you on to the right path or that made you truly realize your worth?  I’d love to read about it, please comment.

If you liked this article please like and share and all that good stuff!

Lots of Love & Light,

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How Dating Games and Rules Are Blocking Your Potential For Soul Mate Love

Last week I heard a money mindset tip from a coach that went, “It’s easier to make lots of money than it is to make a little money.”  At first it sounds backwards and whether you believe that or not is okay, but as soon as I heard that it resonated as completely true for me.  Why?  Because it’s exactly the same concept (after all everything is energy) that I coach my clients on about love.

Attracting and being in your ideal relationship is so much easier than being in default one.

This truth is why I’m so inspired to help women attract the love they always wanted because it’s so EASY and feels GREAT.  No more banging your head against the wall wondering if he’s serious about you or if he’s going to decide to commit.  No biting your lip in fear that if you express your feelings to him he will run off.

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Actually, your soul mate feels the same way about you as you do about him and the whole process just flows and it can flow rather quickly if that’s what you desire.

The other night I was skimming through some dating advice articles from major magazines and online newspapers; I was horrified that what’s promoted as the popular, mainstream belief is that dating and relationships are a struggle and sacrifice.  That a woman shouldn’t express how she’s feeling too soon even if she is physically intimate with her man (HUH?), that she shouldn’t complain (holding in her feelings will passively come out in complaints, btw), and that she should just focus on having fun (somewhat agree depending on what fun means).

Well, would that feel good to you in a relationship?  Does being anything other than being your Self and expressing your feelings of love feel like a good relationship to you?  Does not getting the love and commitment you desire sound like it would be fun after a while?

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If you are so done with dating (like I was when I attracted my husband) and are ready to attract your soul mate then there is something you need to know:

Behaviors, games, tactics, and “rules” that have you being anything other than your Self will attract the wrong man to you.  Period. 

Authentic, honest expression of who you are as a woman and knowing what’s important to you in your life and in your relationship will attract the right man to you. 

So this brings us to why soul mate love is so easy; because you get to totally be your self and be up front about what you’re looking for.  What a relief!  Anyone who doesn’t match that won’t be a time and energy drain.  And when you deliberately attract your partner it will be because he wants the very same things you do and he’s just as ready as you are for love.  You will know sooner that you are right for each other and should marriage be on your minds, that will happen sooner, too, as it did for myself and other couples I know.

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So when you read any dating advice, including this, please check in with your self.  Does it feel true and good to you?

“Learn to guide your thoughts in the direction of things that feel good, and discover the power that only comes from vibrational alignment with Source.” ~ Abraham–Hicks

If you enjoyed this article and you resonate with the message, please share with the buttons below or comment.  Let’s spread the word about authentic and loving relationships!

Lovingly & Truthfully Yours,

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How to Make Your Big WHY Attract Your Ideal Relationship and Serve Your Higher Purpose

Let’s be real.  You don’t need a man.  You don’t need to be married or in a relationship.  If there’s anything I hope you’ve gotten from my blog is that you are a whole, complete, and fulfilled woman just as you are.  The reality is that you don’t need anything other than being who you are and just showing up to your life every day.  In light of that you might be wondering why I joined the ranks of the married and am coaching women that want to do the same…

Because deliberate attraction is so much more than just attracting a partner.  Deliberate attraction acknowledges that as women in this time of evolving world consciousness our life’s mission, whether in a relationship or not, means having so much more impact on the world than it did thirty, fifty, or a hundred or more years ago.

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Last week I swore that I would not be another woman to quote this Dalai Lama statement but what the heck…

“The world will be saved by the western woman.”

This statement has set forth into motion thousands upon thousands of women (all over the world) coming forward in their relationships, businesses, and lives in a way that is bringing higher consciousness into everything we do individually and collectively.  What does that have to do with finding your soul mate?

One of the biggest impacts we women can have on the world begins with us, being our divine selves, in our homes, creating and nurturing partnerships and families based on spiritual and uplifting love; this divine love spreads from our families to our neighbors, our schools, our businesses, our governments and across the entire planet.  When this kind of love becomes the norm, or hits the tipping point, then all will truly be living peacefully and abundantly on this planet as we are meant to.

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As a woman, no, you do not need a man.  A man does not need a woman either.  In this day and age we are quite independent of each other and can survive wonderfully with out a partner.  I’ve been aware of this for years and actually used to get really embarrassed when people tried to set me up with someone or suggest I date or get married – at least for the reasons I figured they thought I should based on social expectation and need.  I always had a “big picture” outlook and thought there were bigger and more important things to do in the world; dating and relationships honestly didn’t seem that crucial to me.

It wasn’t until I was about 35 that I came into alignment with my big WHY – why I wanted to be in partnership with my soul mate and why it means so much to me for my soul’s purpose here.  Because that WHY was so meaningful to me, it inspired me to attract my partner and set the stage for the amazing, inspiring marriage I’m in now.

As intended when I first put forth why I wanted to marry my soul mate my marriage has helped me to grow in my capacity to love in ways where I was previously limited.  My partnership has also given me the support and space to further my purpose, or one of my purposes, here in this lifetime – helping the world to love more while loving myself more.  Also my spiritual practice has deepened and I’m enjoying life more fully than I had before by allowing my love to expand beyond myself.

Now that may not have anything to do with why you’re looking for a soul mate relationship.  But my point is that our desire for a relationship at this point in evolution has to be so much more than just having companionship, having children, and having reliable physical affection.  There is a new paradigm being called forth in love and your vision of an ideal relationship is leading the way to making the Dalai Lama’s statement about women saving the world a reality.

So then, what is your big WHY? 

Why are you being called forth now to have the partnership you’ve always wanted? 

What is the big picture reason for attracting and being with your soul mate? 

In what ways will you expand with the support of your soul mate?

What will your life be like in your ideal partnership?

How is your ideal partnership in alignment with your purpose here on the planet?

Your answers to these questions are the new, emerging paradigm for love and relationships.  And your vision of your partnership with your soul mate is changing the world for good.

Enjoy the journey but always be true to yourself and your big WHY.

Love and Peace,

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6 Pieces of Popular Dating Advice to Not Take If You Want to Attract Your Soul Mate

One of the main reasons I was inspired to coach and teach women about attracting a soul mate deliberately is because after my journey – including two years of not dating, about nine months of deliberately attracting, then meeting and marrying my soul mate – I discovered that all the things that worked for me was the complete and total opposite of what mainstream dating advice (from media, articles and even well meaning friends) was suggesting to the masses.

I’ve heard just outright poor advice from well-known coaches via television, podcasts and articles and from friends and acquaintances that buy into that belief system about dating and love.  Fortunately, by the age of 35 I was connected enough to my own soul to know what was right for me in attracting the man that I would love and adore (and that would love and adore me!)

Of course, as a coach and human being, I cannot tell you or anyone else what is best for you and your soul mate in love.  When it comes to what you’re looking for in your partner, how you want to express love with your soul mate, what time is right to be intimate together, how often you see each other, how often you communicate and etc. – you have to do what is right for you at the highest level.  I certainly had my own preferences that worked perfectly for me, but you must decide what is best for you.

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However, if you intend to attract your soul mate and a relationship that is joyous and fulfilling, you should absolutely enter the relationship from day one with the end desire in mind – for you and your partnership.  That is what deliberate attraction is all about.

And these 6 pieces of dating advice that I actually heard or read at some point, well, just plain suck if you want to deliberately attract.  Here they are:

1) Just jump in. – As a coach I understand the benefit of just getting out of one’s head and taking the next step but whoa, hold on.  Are you really ready to date at this time?  Are you clear about what you want in your life and with a partner?  Are you clear of any limiting beliefs or negative patterns that will draw the wrong partner to you?  And most importantly, is your last relationship fully completed?  If any of these questions are NO, it’s crucial to take the time to figure things out before jumping in.

2) Don’t ask a guy where it’s going too soon. You can read my post about how to know where your relationship is going for more, but in a nutshell; with deliberate attraction you don’t date unless you know where you’re going and what your intention is.  That doesn’t mean every first date will potentially be the one – but that you choose your dates based on whether they have the same values as you, including where they want a relationship to go, in which case you’ll never have to ask.  If you’re dating someone who doesn’t want to go the same place as you do, you aren’t attracting deliberately.

3) How to flirt text.  – I just saw this recently on a site for a very popular and mainstream women’s magazine.  My palm went right to my face.  Yep, I used to play these games thinking it would turn into something more.  All I got was guys that just wanted to flirt text.  Instead ask your self, what kind of person would be attracted to text flirting when we’re dating?  If that isn’t the kind of person you see yourself sharing your life with, ditch the games.

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4) It’s all a numbers game. – You know what’s a numbers game?  The lottery.  According to Ronald Wasserstein in his article on the Huffington Post your chances of winning the Powerball is 1 in over 175 million.  Don’t you think that your chances of attracting and being in the relationship of your dreams is just a bit better than that?  Well, I do.  Especially when you’re deliberately attracting.  If you’re playing it like a lottery (which also affirms to the Universe you believe your chances to be low, so I don’t suggest that) and going out on random dates without being clear, the chances are much lower it will be successful, and it will get frustrating.  With deliberate attraction you actually go on much fewer dates but are very intentional about whom you invest your time with.

5) When you’re making out on a first date… – I actually heard a well-known dating coach suggesting this on an online free love summit a few years ago.  He was saying to women to go ahead and have fun, make out, but don’t sleep with him and be sure to tell him that you don’t do that until you’re in a committed relationship. Omg and wtf and all the other initial combos that are out there for whacked out stuff to suggest!  I’ve read that supposedly when you exchange any kind of DNA with another person (including just saliva) you’re exchanging parts of your soul.  Your soul.  Even if you don’t believe that, just think about the physical and emotional investment you’re making in a heavy make out session and on a first date rarely will you know this person is your soul mate.  Again ask yourself, what kind of person would be attracted to this behavior?  Would my soul mate do this and want me to be doing this?  If the answer is no, then no make out…yet.

6) You have to date first to really know what you want. – This is along the lines of jumping in and it being a numbers game.  It suggests that you can figure things out along the way and that the more you do it the clearer you become.  Actually, I think it’s the opposite – the more you date unsuccessfully the cloudier and more negative things become.  The deliberate way of going about it would be by being mindful of your time, emotional investment, your heart, your positive energy level and to be just as mindful of that for everyone else you meet.  The clearer you are before you begin the dating process the more successful your dates and the relationship you find will be.

I hope this clarified how deliberate soul mate attraction is different and can be so much more productive than mainstream dating advice.  Also I hope it inspired you to really connect first with your soul and your highest desire for a relationship.

What dating advice have you received that wasn’t helpful for you?  I’d love to know, please comment or contact me at dinarobisoncoaching at gmail dot com.

With Love,

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Six Hidden Forms of Resistance to Love and More on Allowing

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”- Rumi

Have you desired to have love in your life for a long time without seeing any evidence of it?  In the prior post I talk about what you can focus on doing now while trusting and allowing it to happen.  But there’s another aspect to this dilemma – the unconscious and/or subconscious resistance, or blocks, or barriers to love.

With deliberate attraction before you focus on manifesting your soul mate, it’s important to become aware of and release these blocks to love.  If we manifest a mate from a place of this resistance then the mate will likely have as much of this resistance, even if it shows in different ways.

I experienced this when I was dating.  I didn’t get why I kept attracting men that were emotionally unavailable and didn’t want to commit.  When I realized that those same qualities were in me, I stopped dating for a while to find and release my resistance.

There was something interesting I observed around that time: that men and women that really desired to have a girlfriend or boyfriend got one, those that wanted to get married got married, those that wanted to play the field did just that.  The same was true for people that wanted to become lawyers, start a business, make 6 figures, or whatever.  It seemed to me that when all resistance was dropped and someone really desired something enough, it happened.  And quickly.  Hmmm, I thought that was interesting.

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So I concluded that the desire, wish, or intention is the seed that you plant but then one must cease blocking it from happening with any unconscious or subconscious resistance.  Then take actions from that completely open, non-resistant space.

So, here are some hidden forms of resistance that can block you from the love you really want:

– Clinging to old ways of thinking about dating and love that don’t work for you anymore.

– Relying on and insisting that “chemistry” must be present first before getting to know someone.

– Waiting for someone to love you, trust you, value you, commit to you without giving your self those things first.

– Saying you want something now other than what you want long term.

– Grasping tightly on to an impossible, or any, fantasy about love.

– Habitually doing distracting and/or addictive things that block the feeling of love. (i.e., substance abuse, over-working, flirting mindlessly, or many other things prevalent in our society – you name it.)

At some point I had all of the above barriers to love and just classified them as normal and acceptable, which is why I call them “hidden.”  It was only when I was willing to, like Rumi says, seek and find all the barriers I had built against love and completely drop them that love came in to my life within months.

Do you have any of these or other hidden forms of resistance or barriers to love?  Are you willing to change those beliefs into something that resonates with your heart and soul now, or drop it completely?

It’s totally possible with your intention and your desire.  I’ve done it and if I can drop all of those barriers I built up against love then I know you can, too.

Openly and With Love,

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What If Your Soul Mate Hasn’t Come Along and What To Do Now

Recently on my blog and in social media I’ve been seeing women post about the dilemma of really wanting to attract their soul mate, doing a lot of various manifesting work in that area, and then becoming very disappointed when their soul mate doesn’t appear in their life.  Yes, I totally agree that it’s heartbreaking to really want something and not have it pan out the way I wanted it to.

There could be countless reasons as to why this might be which may include but are not limited to:

The time isn’t ideal right now.

Your inner vibration is not up to speed with the vibration of what you’re wanting to attract into your life.

You may be ready but your soul mate may not be.

You might have limiting beliefs still overriding your belief in receiving your desire.

You may not fully trust that it’s going to happen.

Unbeknownst to you – you might not be allowing it to come into your life.

Your desire for a mate might be coming from a covetous, lower vibration that may not be in your highest interest.

And other countless possibilities.

All of these applied to me at some point in my journey for love.  Go inside and ask yourself – what is the reason my love hasn’t manifested in my physical life yet?  It’s nice to acknowledge and understand the reasons but that isn’t the most important part, which is…

To then get on with your life.  Remember the soul qualities and values I talked about in my last post on deliberate attraction?  Live in that place now.  Live the life that you want to share with your soul mate even though he isn’t here with you physically yet.  That is trust – truly knowing and believing that you will have your desire before it is physically present in your life.

Those last few months right before I met my husband I clearly recall shifting into that zone of trust and allowing.  I had no doubt in my mind that I would meet him very soon.  I took actions, like joining an online dating site, but was relaxed about the result.  Even if I didn’t meet him soon it was okay because I was enjoying my life anyway.  The desire to meet him and knowing I would was still very much there but I didn’t need to meet him to be living the life I wanted.  Does that make sense?  Are you willing to make that shift, too?

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So what can you do now in your life that will nurture your soul qualities?  What can you do now that represents your highest values?  What can you do now that feeds your personality and energy?  What physical actions can you take that is in alignment with these qualities? 

I hope you find this to be helpful and maybe a little fun, too.  As Abraham-Hicks always gently reminds their readers, we are too serious and need to just have more fun on this journey!

As always I’d love to read to your thoughts and appreciate your comments.

Always Love,

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How Deliberate Attraction Helps You Attract a Soul Mate Relationship and Some Good Summer Reads

In an earlier post I highlighted some of the differences between the usual type of attraction and attracting deliberately.  The name “deliberate attraction” is inspired by law of attraction experts’, Abraham-Hicks, use of the words “deliberate – creating, intent, etc.) in their works; which basically means, in my words, that we have the power to make choices in our lives in alignment with our highest good and highest wisdom at all times by tuning in to our feelings.  The good, internal feelings (not to be confused with bliss or a temporary high) are what we are going for – they are an indication of what’s in alignment with our soul.

When deliberately attracting a soul mate relationship you, to quote another huge inspiration Stephen Covey, “Begin with the end in mind.”  More on Covey later.

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1) Begin by with the end in mind by first asking yourself what soul qualities you want to express in your life; i.e., unconditional love, service, charity, honesty, devotion to God.  (For more info on soul qualities I highly recommend the Sanaya Roman books Soul Love and Creating Money, too.)

2) Then ask yourself what values are important to you in your life; i.e., family, living healthfully, joyful employment, spiritual community, having fun.

3) Next ask yourself how these soul qualities and values present themselves in your personality or energy; i.e., an honest person, communicative, smiles and laughs a lot, physically affectionate.

4) Lastly, you ask yourself what this looks like in the physical world; i.e., wants to have children, physically fit/exercises, what area you want to live in, what church if any you belong to, whether you travel or not, etc.

This, because it’s a true representation of who you really are at the soul level, will very closely match your soul mate.  You attract what you are sending out, so when you live from this place you will attract a mate that has the qualities most important to you.  Personally, I attracted my husband into my life after I began living authentically from my soul self and released a lot of old patterns and beliefs that weren’t truly expressing who I was.

So have you noticed the main difference between regular ol’ attraction and deliberate attraction? 

It’s a big paradigm shift.  It’s the reverse order of what we’re used to about standard attraction – which is usually to see, chat, feel chemistry, get to know someone and hope for the best in the long run.  Based on my experience and on the examples of people I know in fantastic partnerships, (though there may be exceptions to this and God bless you that are) attracting deliberately is more often effective for bringing in that long-term love that your soul truly desires and thrives in.

I’ll close with a detailed description of Highly Effective Habit #2: Begin with the end in mind as written on Stephen Covey’s website.

“So, what do you want to be when you grow up? That question may appear a little trite, but think about it for a moment. Are you–right now–who you want to be, what you dreamed you’d be, doing what you always wanted to do? Be honest. Sometimes people find themselves achieving victories that are empty–successes that have come at the expense of things that were far more valuable to them. If your ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step you take gets you to the wrong place faster.

Habit 2 is based on imagination–the ability to envision in your mind what you cannot at present see with your eyes. It is based on the principle that all things are created twice. There is a mental (first) creation, and a physical (second) creation. The physical creation follows the mental, just as a building follows a blueprint. If you don’t make a conscious effort to visualize who you are and what you want in life, then you empower other people and circumstances to shape you and your life by default. It’s about connecting again with your own uniqueness and then defining the personal, moral, and ethical guidelines within which you can most happily express and fulfill yourself. Begin with the End in Mind means to begin each day, task, or project with a clear vision of your desired direction and destination, and then continue by flexing your proactive muscles to make things happen.

One of the best ways to incorporate Habit 2 into your life is to develop a Personal Mission Statement. It focuses on what you want to be and do. It is your plan for success. It reaffirms who you are, puts your goals in focus, and moves your ideas into the real world. Your mission statement makes you the leader of your own life. You create your own destiny and secure the future you envision.”

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Book recommendations:  Anything by Abraham-Hicks, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey, Soul Love and Creating Money by Sanaya Roman.

Some soul love food for thought and great reads to begin your summer!

Lots of Love,

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Re-Writing Your Relationship Story

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Do you find that your relationships consistently have a similar pattern or story?  Is there a certain type of partner you find yourself with repeatedly?  Is he always late or standing you up?  Do you think that this is the way it’s always going to be because nobody’s perfect or because that’s just how men are?

If this sounds familiar you are so not alone.  Most of us go through our lives making choices based on our default patterns and stories without even realizing it.  But what if I told you that it can be totally different than the way it’s always been by just re-writing what your story is?  What if your love story can be exactly the way YOU want and decide it to be?

If you’ve bought into a negative story you are so not alone.  Whether it was from your upbringing or fed to you via the media (oh, don’t get me started about the negative media), a story you choose to take on can seem very real.  Some common negative stories that get thrown around and bought into are:

Men and women can’t live with each other, can’t live without each other.

Men just have to spread themselves around.

Relationships are tough and hard work.

It’s normal to have fights in a relationship.

Nobody’s perfect so I guess I’ll just have to take what I got.

It’s so hard to find a mate I’m just lucky to be with the person I have now.

And on and on.

In my reality (and in other couples I know) none of the above stories are true.  All of those above statements are completely false in my love story.  Because I deliberately created my own story.

Everything is just a story.  What you choose to believe in and accept is just a story that becomes your reality.  Have you ever had a fantasy or imagined something and really felt like you were living that experience even though it was just a story?  Yes, me too. Because the truth is that your subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is imagined.  And as you imagine, so goes your life.

So I say – get thee to writing a new story!  A story that is exactly what you desire in your love life.  A story that makes you feel good and beautiful and loved like the amazing being that you are.

Here’s an exercise for you:  Write your love story down as “a day in the life with my soul mate” from the moment you wake up together until the moment you fall asleep.  Forget about the grammar, spelling, literary merit, or whatever; just write what comes to you.  What things are you saying to each other?  How do you speak to each other?  What things is your soul mate doing?  What activities are you doing?  What is your life like with him?  How do you feel? 

There are just two rules for this new story to be effective:

1)    It must be believable for you.  Save the epic drama for your bestseller, instead write it as the life you can really see yourself living.

2)    It must feel good to you.  If it doesn’t feel good, it’s not your true story.  It’s perfectly okay to write several stories before you get to one that feels just right.  Sometimes it takes time getting used to the idea of a new story.

When you’ve got your story down just that way that you want it, it feels true to you and it feels good – then read it twice a day.  First thing in the morning and right before you go to bed, as those are the two times of the day your brain is most receptive.

Notice how you feel when you read it over time and how it becomes more and more believable to you.  Notice how you begin to see evidence of your story around you, maybe in other couples in your life.  Notice how you realize you will no longer accept anything less than this story again.  Notice how you start to trust that the Universe is arranging for this very story to come to you into physical form very soon.  What else do you notice?

Did you write your new story?  How did you feel reading it?  As always I’d love to read your comments below.

If you need guidance re-writing your story I’m happy to offer you a free 30-minute clarity session.  Just contact me at dinarobisoncoaching at gmail dot com.

Love & Light,

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Can You Deliberately Attract Your Soul Mate Dating Online?

145943_9029The room lighting is dim but there are different color lights.  Flashing.  There are faces, many faces around, but you can’t help but be drawn to just him.  His eyes.  Oh, those eyes!  Locked with yours.  And in that moment you just knew he was the one.  And you were his one.  In that moment.  That moment that you first locked eyes with him…on a computer screen amongst 15 other profiles that showed up in your search.  The lights flashing are ads popping up on the screen.  And he’s not even locking eyes with you but the camera lense that he held up himself to take his profile picture.

Is this the romantic way that you imagine meeting your soul mate?  For me, ech, no way.  As a woman, I can say this seems to be the least ideal way to meet the love of your life.  I used to tell myself, “There’s no way I’m meeting the love of my life online.  It just isn’t going to happen that way.”  And then, just a few months later I met the love of my life online and it happened just that way.  Turns out many other great couples met their partners online, too, and not just the people in the commercials.

The more I apply the law of attraction and universal laws in my life, coach women and delve into creating the Deliberate Attraction program I realize more and more that dating online is an ideal way to use deliberate attraction in action.  Here are a few reasons why I think it works so well:

You can learn a lot about him quickly from his profile – Being very clear on what you want in a relationship and in a partner is so important to attracting the right partner and what’s great about dating online is being able to screen a potential date’s pertinent information before investing time and energy into the connection.  Where does he live?  Is he looking for marriage?  Does he have kids or want kids?  What religion, if any, is he?  If you meet in a bar you may spend a lot of time flirting, having fun, enjoy the chemistry and getting emotionally invested and never get around to asking these things until way too late.  By dating online you can see if this person wants the same basic things and has the same basic values before investing your time, emotions and energy.

He can learn a lot about you quickly from your profile – Also, without spending time and energy into a relationship first, he can know if you’re right for him.  Yes, I used the best glamorous, pretty snapshot I could find and said fun things and such, but also I was completely honest about wanting a serious relationship and children someday.  I was even honest about being vegan and very spiritual.  Yep, I don’t eat burgers and I’m kinda woo woo.  Do you think that turned some men off?  Uh, definitely.  Are those men I would want to go out with?  No.  Your soul mate will be drawn to your desires, your values and who you truly are. 

It’s where the men are – The chances of me meeting a potential soul mate just randomly somewhere was very, very slim given that I didn’t go out to bars, that my job as a yoga instructor (yoga also being female dominated) took me from place to place for short amounts of time, and that, at that time, I didn’t belong to a church or any clubs.  Yes, I could have joined a club or went to a church but even then, the chances I would meet a single guy ready to settle down was still small.  So I asked, where do the most single men that are ready for a relationship hang out?  And the answer was online.  For some reason they don’t seem to mind it as much as women do and even like it, go figure.  I chose the site that statistically had the most men on it and that I heard from various real people had marriage success for them.  Thank God I did, as I met my husband about seven weeks later right before he was about to quit the site.  When you put your profile online you are telling the Universe that you are totally ready to meet your soul mate, and you are supported in achieving your desire.

Personally I believe dating online is a wonderful tool if you are deliberately attracting your soul mate.  And though it may not be the most romantic at first or the answer for everyone, I know that I’m very grateful to have listened to guidance telling me to sign up when I did.  I hope these three reasons help you re-frame your relationship with dating online.

Would you like some guidance while starting your online dating journey?  I’d love to offer you a free 30-minute clarity session to help you do it successfully, please contact me at dinarobisoncoaching at gmail dot com.

Love,

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