Tag Archives: Soulmate

How Deliberate Attraction Helps You Attract a Soul Mate Relationship and Some Good Summer Reads

In an earlier post I highlighted some of the differences between the usual type of attraction and attracting deliberately.  The name “deliberate attraction” is inspired by law of attraction experts’, Abraham-Hicks, use of the words “deliberate – creating, intent, etc.) in their works; which basically means, in my words, that we have the power to make choices in our lives in alignment with our highest good and highest wisdom at all times by tuning in to our feelings.  The good, internal feelings (not to be confused with bliss or a temporary high) are what we are going for – they are an indication of what’s in alignment with our soul.

When deliberately attracting a soul mate relationship you, to quote another huge inspiration Stephen Covey, “Begin with the end in mind.”  More on Covey later.

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1) Begin by with the end in mind by first asking yourself what soul qualities you want to express in your life; i.e., unconditional love, service, charity, honesty, devotion to God.  (For more info on soul qualities I highly recommend the Sanaya Roman books Soul Love and Creating Money, too.)

2) Then ask yourself what values are important to you in your life; i.e., family, living healthfully, joyful employment, spiritual community, having fun.

3) Next ask yourself how these soul qualities and values present themselves in your personality or energy; i.e., an honest person, communicative, smiles and laughs a lot, physically affectionate.

4) Lastly, you ask yourself what this looks like in the physical world; i.e., wants to have children, physically fit/exercises, what area you want to live in, what church if any you belong to, whether you travel or not, etc.

This, because it’s a true representation of who you really are at the soul level, will very closely match your soul mate.  You attract what you are sending out, so when you live from this place you will attract a mate that has the qualities most important to you.  Personally, I attracted my husband into my life after I began living authentically from my soul self and released a lot of old patterns and beliefs that weren’t truly expressing who I was.

So have you noticed the main difference between regular ol’ attraction and deliberate attraction? 

It’s a big paradigm shift.  It’s the reverse order of what we’re used to about standard attraction – which is usually to see, chat, feel chemistry, get to know someone and hope for the best in the long run.  Based on my experience and on the examples of people I know in fantastic partnerships, (though there may be exceptions to this and God bless you that are) attracting deliberately is more often effective for bringing in that long-term love that your soul truly desires and thrives in.

I’ll close with a detailed description of Highly Effective Habit #2: Begin with the end in mind as written on Stephen Covey’s website.

“So, what do you want to be when you grow up? That question may appear a little trite, but think about it for a moment. Are you–right now–who you want to be, what you dreamed you’d be, doing what you always wanted to do? Be honest. Sometimes people find themselves achieving victories that are empty–successes that have come at the expense of things that were far more valuable to them. If your ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step you take gets you to the wrong place faster.

Habit 2 is based on imagination–the ability to envision in your mind what you cannot at present see with your eyes. It is based on the principle that all things are created twice. There is a mental (first) creation, and a physical (second) creation. The physical creation follows the mental, just as a building follows a blueprint. If you don’t make a conscious effort to visualize who you are and what you want in life, then you empower other people and circumstances to shape you and your life by default. It’s about connecting again with your own uniqueness and then defining the personal, moral, and ethical guidelines within which you can most happily express and fulfill yourself. Begin with the End in Mind means to begin each day, task, or project with a clear vision of your desired direction and destination, and then continue by flexing your proactive muscles to make things happen.

One of the best ways to incorporate Habit 2 into your life is to develop a Personal Mission Statement. It focuses on what you want to be and do. It is your plan for success. It reaffirms who you are, puts your goals in focus, and moves your ideas into the real world. Your mission statement makes you the leader of your own life. You create your own destiny and secure the future you envision.”

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Book recommendations:  Anything by Abraham-Hicks, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey, Soul Love and Creating Money by Sanaya Roman.

Some soul love food for thought and great reads to begin your summer!

Lots of Love,

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Re-Writing Your Relationship Story

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Do you find that your relationships consistently have a similar pattern or story?  Is there a certain type of partner you find yourself with repeatedly?  Is he always late or standing you up?  Do you think that this is the way it’s always going to be because nobody’s perfect or because that’s just how men are?

If this sounds familiar you are so not alone.  Most of us go through our lives making choices based on our default patterns and stories without even realizing it.  But what if I told you that it can be totally different than the way it’s always been by just re-writing what your story is?  What if your love story can be exactly the way YOU want and decide it to be?

If you’ve bought into a negative story you are so not alone.  Whether it was from your upbringing or fed to you via the media (oh, don’t get me started about the negative media), a story you choose to take on can seem very real.  Some common negative stories that get thrown around and bought into are:

Men and women can’t live with each other, can’t live without each other.

Men just have to spread themselves around.

Relationships are tough and hard work.

It’s normal to have fights in a relationship.

Nobody’s perfect so I guess I’ll just have to take what I got.

It’s so hard to find a mate I’m just lucky to be with the person I have now.

And on and on.

In my reality (and in other couples I know) none of the above stories are true.  All of those above statements are completely false in my love story.  Because I deliberately created my own story.

Everything is just a story.  What you choose to believe in and accept is just a story that becomes your reality.  Have you ever had a fantasy or imagined something and really felt like you were living that experience even though it was just a story?  Yes, me too. Because the truth is that your subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is imagined.  And as you imagine, so goes your life.

So I say – get thee to writing a new story!  A story that is exactly what you desire in your love life.  A story that makes you feel good and beautiful and loved like the amazing being that you are.

Here’s an exercise for you:  Write your love story down as “a day in the life with my soul mate” from the moment you wake up together until the moment you fall asleep.  Forget about the grammar, spelling, literary merit, or whatever; just write what comes to you.  What things are you saying to each other?  How do you speak to each other?  What things is your soul mate doing?  What activities are you doing?  What is your life like with him?  How do you feel? 

There are just two rules for this new story to be effective:

1)    It must be believable for you.  Save the epic drama for your bestseller, instead write it as the life you can really see yourself living.

2)    It must feel good to you.  If it doesn’t feel good, it’s not your true story.  It’s perfectly okay to write several stories before you get to one that feels just right.  Sometimes it takes time getting used to the idea of a new story.

When you’ve got your story down just that way that you want it, it feels true to you and it feels good – then read it twice a day.  First thing in the morning and right before you go to bed, as those are the two times of the day your brain is most receptive.

Notice how you feel when you read it over time and how it becomes more and more believable to you.  Notice how you begin to see evidence of your story around you, maybe in other couples in your life.  Notice how you realize you will no longer accept anything less than this story again.  Notice how you start to trust that the Universe is arranging for this very story to come to you into physical form very soon.  What else do you notice?

Did you write your new story?  How did you feel reading it?  As always I’d love to read your comments below.

If you need guidance re-writing your story I’m happy to offer you a free 30-minute clarity session.  Just contact me at dinarobisoncoaching at gmail dot com.

Love & Light,

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Can You Deliberately Attract Your Soul Mate Dating Online?

145943_9029The room lighting is dim but there are different color lights.  Flashing.  There are faces, many faces around, but you can’t help but be drawn to just him.  His eyes.  Oh, those eyes!  Locked with yours.  And in that moment you just knew he was the one.  And you were his one.  In that moment.  That moment that you first locked eyes with him…on a computer screen amongst 15 other profiles that showed up in your search.  The lights flashing are ads popping up on the screen.  And he’s not even locking eyes with you but the camera lense that he held up himself to take his profile picture.

Is this the romantic way that you imagine meeting your soul mate?  For me, ech, no way.  As a woman, I can say this seems to be the least ideal way to meet the love of your life.  I used to tell myself, “There’s no way I’m meeting the love of my life online.  It just isn’t going to happen that way.”  And then, just a few months later I met the love of my life online and it happened just that way.  Turns out many other great couples met their partners online, too, and not just the people in the commercials.

The more I apply the law of attraction and universal laws in my life, coach women and delve into creating the Deliberate Attraction program I realize more and more that dating online is an ideal way to use deliberate attraction in action.  Here are a few reasons why I think it works so well:

You can learn a lot about him quickly from his profile – Being very clear on what you want in a relationship and in a partner is so important to attracting the right partner and what’s great about dating online is being able to screen a potential date’s pertinent information before investing time and energy into the connection.  Where does he live?  Is he looking for marriage?  Does he have kids or want kids?  What religion, if any, is he?  If you meet in a bar you may spend a lot of time flirting, having fun, enjoy the chemistry and getting emotionally invested and never get around to asking these things until way too late.  By dating online you can see if this person wants the same basic things and has the same basic values before investing your time, emotions and energy.

He can learn a lot about you quickly from your profile – Also, without spending time and energy into a relationship first, he can know if you’re right for him.  Yes, I used the best glamorous, pretty snapshot I could find and said fun things and such, but also I was completely honest about wanting a serious relationship and children someday.  I was even honest about being vegan and very spiritual.  Yep, I don’t eat burgers and I’m kinda woo woo.  Do you think that turned some men off?  Uh, definitely.  Are those men I would want to go out with?  No.  Your soul mate will be drawn to your desires, your values and who you truly are. 

It’s where the men are – The chances of me meeting a potential soul mate just randomly somewhere was very, very slim given that I didn’t go out to bars, that my job as a yoga instructor (yoga also being female dominated) took me from place to place for short amounts of time, and that, at that time, I didn’t belong to a church or any clubs.  Yes, I could have joined a club or went to a church but even then, the chances I would meet a single guy ready to settle down was still small.  So I asked, where do the most single men that are ready for a relationship hang out?  And the answer was online.  For some reason they don’t seem to mind it as much as women do and even like it, go figure.  I chose the site that statistically had the most men on it and that I heard from various real people had marriage success for them.  Thank God I did, as I met my husband about seven weeks later right before he was about to quit the site.  When you put your profile online you are telling the Universe that you are totally ready to meet your soul mate, and you are supported in achieving your desire.

Personally I believe dating online is a wonderful tool if you are deliberately attracting your soul mate.  And though it may not be the most romantic at first or the answer for everyone, I know that I’m very grateful to have listened to guidance telling me to sign up when I did.  I hope these three reasons help you re-frame your relationship with dating online.

Would you like some guidance while starting your online dating journey?  I’d love to offer you a free 30-minute clarity session to help you do it successfully, please contact me at dinarobisoncoaching at gmail dot com.

Love,

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3 Old School Love Attracting Methods That No Longer Work and What Does

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Do you remember what you were like when you were 18?  Do you remember how you viewed the world, your dreams, your ambitions, and love?  How about when you were 25?  Yeah, me neither.  It seems so long ago but all I know is that I was a completely different woman at each of those ages, and I’m completely different now.

By the time I got into my early thirties I realized that the methods I was using to attract “love” (if you can call flirting a method) at 18 and 25 were seriously not serving me well at the age of 32.  The old attraction paradigm that I was ingrained with in high school, from watching movies and television, and by pouring over teen magazines with my girlfriends only got me into relationships that, well, might suit an 18 or 25 year old just fine but wasn’t what I wanted anymore.  When I finally admitted to myself and to a select few close people that I wanted to get married and start a family, I knew that it was time to show that old attraction paradigm the door and bring in something new.

Here are three commonly believed attraction methods that I learned from the hard way in my twenties, and three new ways of deliberately attracting a soul mate that I implemented in my thirties – to my success:

Out: Being the cool girl by being okay with the relationship whatever and wherever that is.

First of all, for anyone that actually knows me…the words cool and Dina are a complete oxymoron.  That’s a clue that I really wasn’t being my self by suppressing my truth, needs and desires.  It’s shocking to me that this is still advised for women.

In: Decide exactly where you want a relationship to go before even going on the first date.

Before dating I got crystal clear on what I wanted in a relationship at the present time, which was a committed boyfriend/girlfriend situation leading to marriage and starting a family.  Very simple.  Know what you want clearly so you can attract a partner that wants the same thing as you.

Out: Trying to appeal to as many prospects as possible by being very general about who you are and what you want.

Similar to being cool, it’s easy to get response from more people this way but most of them won’t be a good fit in the long run because he or she never gets to see who you are in the beginning.  As time goes on and both of your preferences are revealed you might find out that you’re not a good match, resulting in heartbreak.

In: Be very specific, in a positive way because you’re wonderful, about who you are.

Whether it’s a religion, a political view, personal value, or dietary choice, it’s best to be clear on these things in the beginning.  When I set up my last online profile (which led me to my soul mate in 7 weeks) I said things I never said before upfront – that I’m very spiritual but not religious and that I’m vegan.  If a guy couldn’t live with either of those things then we would not be a good fit and I didn’t want to start dating him in the first place.  Yes, there were less men interested in me but my soul mate saw my profile and was like, “Heck yeah!”  (Actually he found me with the search term “spirituality.”) Be honest about your values and who you are.

Out: Deciding to go out with someone based on “chemistry.”

Oh boy, this is a big one.  It’s what love in epic movies and songs and literature is founded on.  We take it in high school and there’s a dating site named after it, shouldn’t there be chemistry before deciding to go out with someone?  In my opinion, not really.  There may be exceptions but usually it ends up not being what we think. When we feel chemistry very often it’s based on our baggage, limiting beliefs and unconscious junk, like the good girl who loves the bad boy.  Chemistry clouds the rational mind – where the excuses justifying a relationship come in – and it doesn’t usually last.

In: Deciding to go out with someone based on values, behavior towards you and others, and his or her actions.

This is deliberate attraction.  You decide what you want in advance, got clear on who you are and your values so when you meet him or her you are actually attracted because he or she is the type of partner you most desire.  And you know what else is fun about that?  The attraction and chemistry grows over time as you build your life together based on mutual respect.  Similar values, behavior and actions are extremely attractive.

In short, 1) knowing what you want, 2) being clear on who you are, 3) choosing a date based on values, behaviors and actions.

I hope you find these three attraction paradigm shifts inspiring and helpful in your search for soul mate love.  What is no longer serving you in your search for love?  If you care to share, as always I’d love read your comments.

Lots of joy and happiness to you on your journey!

Love,

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What Do You Mean By “Soul Mate?”

When I started my coaching business and this blog I did realize that the term soul mate might be troubling for some people as it can have so many different connotations – some good and some bad.  The entertainment industry paints a Romeo and Juliet-esque view of soul mates as being something like eyes locking across a room, there’s a spark and wham, that’s it!  There’s the person you’re stuck with until the movie ends or you both die by poisoning.   (That’s not being deliberate about attracting your soul mate, by the way.)

Others don’t believe that there’s one soul mate for each person, but rather that we have many soul mates in different types of relationships that come into our lives to help our souls grow in some way.  So the challenge there is how to know who the ONE is when there are so many potential soul mates.

Or the opposite end of the spectrum is that there aren’t soul mates at all.  Or just believing it’s impossible that there’s one perfect partner out there for us and that we could manage to meet him or her in this lifetime on a planet with over 7 billion souls.

I’m not saying any of those perspectives are invalid nor am I here to tell you what is true, because you decide what’s true – what you believe to be true will be what’s true for you.  But as a woman who is a deliberate creator and became intentional about attracting my soul mate into my life – I can tell you that not only is attracting your soul mate possible but it is your birth right to have the love you truly desire and that reflects the loving soul you are.

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In my program the soul mate I refer to is specifically a romantic partnership that supports your highest self and your deepest desires for spiritual growth and expansion in this lifetime.  It’s a partnership based on deep commitment, equality, interdependence, honesty, truthfulness, spiritual oneness, and unconditional love.  Soul mates are by no means perfect people, but are growing together.  Your soul mate is the person your heart, when unblocked by limiting beliefs and negative patterns, truly desires to be with.  A soul mate relationship adds to your life force (chi or prana), giving you more energy to be, do and have what you came here for. 

You see, it actually becomes very easy to attract your soul mate when you are expressing your true self in love and living from that highest place your heart – and I’m proof!  (In a future post I’ll tell you the story about how I met my husband, no doubt we were divinely guided.)

My program and coaching is all about guiding you into alignment with your highest and best self and knowing love from that place.  When you reside in that higher vibration of love your partner, the right partner for you, will be drawn to you.  Just like Rumi said, “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

For a free 30-minute clarity session to start your deliberate attraction process, email me at dinarobisoncoaching at gmail dot com.  Clarity alone can do wonders!

What do you think about the whole soul mate thing? 

Wishing you lots of joy in your journey while deliberate creating the life of your dreams!

Love,

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Three Questions to Begin Deliberately Attracting Your Soul Mate

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In the last post I wrote about the difference between the common default attraction versus deliberately attracting your soul mate.  The fun part now is the process of, in Abraham-Hicks words, deliberately creating your ideal partnership.  I say it’s fun because it can be like a game where you allow your imagination to roam free.  Actually the better you feel and more excited you get and the more fun you have about achieving your ideal desire, the quicker the manifestation is likely to occur.  Always keep in mind what Rumi said, “What you seek is seeking you.”  If you’re having fun and feeling good then that will seek you, too!

Here are three questions and steps to get you started on your journey:

1)    What is it that you really want in an ideal partnership?

Get precisely clear on what you want the nature of the relationship to be (like married or unmarried but living together, children or not), the type of partner you want to be with, and how you see your life together.  I know there’s a popular myth out there that a woman should “just be cool” until she knows how the guy feels about her – but that is the complete opposite of being a deliberate creator.  Waiting for someone to decide what he or she wants with you is not honoring the lovable and powerful person you truly are.  If you apply, “What you seek is seeking you” then being anything other than who YOU are when seeking your ideal love is going to draw inauthentic, unclear or wishy-washy love back to you – and can lead to heartbreak further down the road.  Be clear on what it is you truly want.

2)    Why do you want your ideal partnership?

Knowing why you want something fuels the energy behind your desire.  It also can tell you if what you’re asking for is in your highest interests.  If your reasons for wanting to be with your ideal partner are based in love and feel good – for example, wanting to be with someone because, “I want to express love with someone every day,” then you’ll attract a partner that wants the same good feeling.  If you ask why and your answer is fear-based, for example because, “I don’t want to be alone,” then you’ll also attract a partner that has the same fear based feeling.  “What you seek is seeking you,” so remember that you will attract a partner that wants a relationship for the same reasons (whether you realize it or not).  Also being clear on why you want your ideal relationship will further clarify what it is you want and simplify the process of dating and looking.

3)    How do you want to feel when you are in your ideal partnership?

Now we’re getting down to the important stuff when it comes to being a powerful creator in our lives.  It’s all about feelings.  In our analytical, logical society feelings have been put on the back shelf described as being just “chick stuff,” (actually things typically thought of as masculine like sports and war are just as much about feelings) but if you truly want to receive your heart’s desire – then you must tune in to your feelings about it.  Again, to be a broken Rumi record, “What you seek is seeking you,” and that is completely true when it comes to your feelings.  Do you want to feel good, happy and loved in your partnership?  Then if you focus on those wonderful feelings when you think about your life in your ideal relationship, then you will attract the partner that is also seeking those feelings in a relationship.  If your feelings about being in a relationship are bad (mine were for quite some time years ago), then check in with yourself and ask, “What is the limiting belief that is causing me to feel this way?  Am I willing to transmute this into a new belief that serves me now?  What is the new belief that I’m willing to adopt to move forward with the love I truly desire?”

The more you focus on your good feelings about what it is you desire, the quicker it will come to you and the more enjoyable and authentic your results will be.

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In summary, clarify – What? Why? and How?  And get into those good feelings as much as possible! 

I hope this was helpful for you and gives you a good starting point in manifesting your dreams.  When have you manifested something wonderful in your life?  As always, I’d love to read your comments below.

Lots of Love & Good Feelings,

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What’s Finding Love Got To Do With Impacting the World?

If someone had told me I would someday coach women who want to find their true love I would have laughed my heinie off!  I didn’t play with Barbies much growing up or dream of being a princess.  As an independent, strong woman with big dreams and worldly ideas it felt impossible for me to focus on finding love when I was younger.  I thought I didn’t need anything from anyone as I could take care of myself, thank you.  Besides, there just seemed to be more pressing matters in the world, like injustice and violence, that I needed to take a stand for and read about in obsessive detail before I did anything about trying to find my “soul mate,” if such a thing existed.

I believed there were more important things to do first.  Some of which I acted on, like beginning a yoga and meditation practice and becoming an instructor, and many things that just stayed in my head, like having a big acting career so I could then change the world.  For many reasons I believed that having an awesome dream career, impacting the world in a positive way, being strong and independent and being deeply spiritual came before being in a loving partnership.  What was I thinking?

Flash forward to now, and a whole lot of learning later, here’s why I know now that being in an ideal partnership (if that is what one truly wants) allows one to fully express her highest potential in all four of those areas mentioned above.

Dream Career – The support of your ideal partner can actually fuel your drive and inspiration for career and business and allow you to stay focused on it.  Dating while pursuing a career can be very distracting.  It can be hard to stay focused on a path while falling in and out of love.  For me, having the loving support of my husband has given me a strong foundation and even more motivation to create the career path ideal for myself and our family’s future.  Also, graciously receiving and giving love has opened up my heart to accepting and giving abundance in a way that was blocked before.

Positive Impact On the World – Okay, I don’t know what I was thinking back then because what impacts the world more positively than soul love, being an example of that soul love in partnership to others and raising children in a happy, loving family?  Moving on…

Being Strong and Independent – I used to think that having to be with someone was a sign of my weakness but now I see that having to be alone, while silently wanting to be with someone, actually isn’t strong and definitely not independent.  Being in the ideal relationship while maintaining your strength and independence and respecting that of your partner’s trumps being strong and independent alone.  The two strong, loving individuals become an interdependent force together.

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Being spiritual – Huh?  Being spiritual has nothing to do with any external forms – married or single, smart or simple, prosperous or poor, etc. – as we are all spirit, all the time.  If the desire for a love partnership has been put in to your heart, then God or Spirit (or whatever form of the Divine you prefer) has put it there for you to express it.  Our greatest spiritual growth comes from the lessons we receive in relationships.  Our greatest dedication to God comes from our partnerships, romantic or otherwise, being of service in this world.  I’m experiencing greater spirituality with the support of my husband helping me to grow daily.

Of course those are just my examples as to why I didn’t think it was necessary and even embarrassed to focus on love before.  Do you have any reasons for putting love off?  Across the board, any reason or excuse that delays you from living the life of your absolute dreams is just a fear-based belief that is not serving you.  We are here to live fearlessly and in our highest potential, all the time.

For the love and benefit of the entire world, get clear on your dreams and heart’s desires and live them!

What are your reasons for putting love off for later?  I’d love to read your comments.

With Love,

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